


Finding Your Place

by Ninke_A



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A Team is Like a Puzzle, Finding your place, LIKE EVER, Lance Needs a Hug, Langst, Loneliness, M/M, Mama Blue Lion, Miscommunication, My First Fanfic, Self-Worth Issues, Slow Build, Supportive Blue Lion, You Need All The Pieces, implied oc character death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-08-31 11:58:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 45,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8577706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninke_A/pseuds/Ninke_A
Summary: When the others are down, Lance always knew how to make it better. But he felt that was the only time they wanted him around, that he was useless otherwise. So he decided to focus on Blue, and limit his time with the others. This is the result... and how the others try to fix it without knowing how it got broken in the first place.





	1. Something is Not Right...

**Author's Note:**

> Right. I blame my cousin. Because this is terrible and messy and I have no idea what I am doing. But she swore that I should share this.. I apologize.
> 
> This is rather choppy, and probably all over the place, but I have never shared my work before and I had no time to tie anyone down for a proof-read.

After three months together, one corrupted wormhole, two months apart and now three weeks together again, everyone felt that they were finally starting to get a feel for the other's personalities and quirks. It was easier to tell when Shiro was having troubles sleeping, that Allura was feeling rather lost or upset, when Hunk was anxious, Coran's almost endless good cheer fading, or when Pidge and Keith to frustrated or angry to work with the others. It wasn't the signs they had trouble with, it was the solutions. Fortunately, they had Lance.

It was Lance who could settle Hunk instantly with a firm grip on a shoulder, and just the right comment, be it a boast or a joke. He volunteered to help Coran clean, complaining and whining until Coran would start on a loud rant, which turned into tales of people he missed. Lance, who started pointless arguments with Pidge just so they had a chance to argue until they felt calmer. Always Lance, was the one to toss off a challenge to Keith, even something as ridiculous as who could slide father down the hall in socks, each one sillier than the last until the other boy's shoulders finally relaxed. He was the one who quietly left a warm drink near Allura, or taught the mice silly tricks to entertain her. Lance was the one that had stayed up entire nights, dragging Shiro through the upper levels of the castle until they found a small room, too far from the others to ever be found on accident, and told Shiro story after story, in a low tone, until the older man finally slept.

The problem was, that to Lance, that seemed to be the only time anyone wanted him around. Any other time it was, “Not now, Lance.” or ”Maybe later, buddy.” and occasionally a sharp “Go away, Lance.” For all his silly jokes, and attention drawing stunts, Lance was not an idiot. He worked for his grades, which while not perfect were pretty good, but that did not mean he understood every work of the complicated tech speak that Pidge and Hunk would spout. Despite not being as trained or gifted as Shiro and Keith, he still tried the team exercises, and practiced the simulators, but he never managed to reach the apparently very high bar that everyone seemed to expect. His entire support system, was now down to basically Hunk, and then only if he had time. So Lance decided that he simply needed to get used to it. Stop wasting his time, fretting over everyone else and focus on what he needed to do to be a better paladin, because it was becoming obvious, even to him, that being a team was simply not in the cards for him.

So it was that the next time, Lance heard someone, he was pretty sure it was Coran, calling for him, he ducked into his lion, closing the hatch quickly. It was the best place to insure no one found him, because they all stuck to their own lions, and even Coran, who did maintenance only did so when either asked or the lions were damaged. Plus, his lady Blue has some wires that needed replaced anyway, so he may as well do that while he was here, glad for the chance to chatter away without a sharp interruption. By the time he resurfaced, the castle was dark, and Lance was feeling pretty good. Blue was a warm bundle of comfort in the back of his mind, always welcoming. He was going to be spending a lot more time with her in the future. It would be good for him, really, to focus on his bond with her. He would do the training with the others., keep his head down, mouth shut and then spend his time with Blue.

Keeping to this plan was surprisingly easy and difficult at the same time. It was easy to slip away, but much harder to ignore a taunt from Keith, or the disappointed look from Shiro. Then one day, nearly a month, no Blue called them a cycle, after the first time, it wasn't anymore. Lance didn't care if Keith did better than he did, or if Lance missed his step and got hit in training. Because while there was comments and criticism right there with him, in the back of his mind was a voice. _**'My Paladin.... again....'**_ So he would stand back up, brush himself off and go again, without a complaint. It had been odd at first to gradually get more than just a general feeling from Blue and instead feel something like words. Now though, it was what kept Lance trying, kept him showing up for team training at all, instead of only practicing in the dark of the castle when everyone else was sleeping. Lance didn't sleep when the others did anymore, instead curling up inside Blue when the others were moving around. He kept a variety of supplies in there as well, food goo naturally, but also some bandages, little things that meant, less time spent with the others. They were doing just fine without him after all, and he had Blue, so what else did he need?

 

*****

 

Something wasn't right....

Allura glanced around the table, a frown on her face as she watched her paladins. Shiro and Pidge were on either side of the table, with matching scowls, staring at each other. Keith was sulking near the end, arms crossed and glaring at nothing. Hunk was the only one eating, but it looked almost mechanical, eyes flicking from the door to the empty chair next to him and back again. Once again, Lance was absent.

A loud slam drew everyone's attention to Pidge, who had slapped both their hands onto the table, before hissing. “I'm done! I've got better things to do than waste my time with _this_.” They jerked away, stalking out the door.

Shiro blew out a long exhale, dropping into his chair. That action seemed to release both Hunk and Keith from their silent watching, both disappearing out the door.

Allura shook her head. It all came down to Lance. He was there for every training, in all truth, trying much harder than ever before, and even improving. He wasn't challenging Keith, grinning at Shiro or teasing Hunk and Pidge. There were no more absolutely _horrid_ pick-up lines or jokes told to Coran. He trained and then disappeared, rarely appearing for any meals instead spending nearly all his time in the hanger with his lion. It had been a cycle since Lance had spent any time around them at all. She needed to do something, but she had no idea what. With a soft sigh, she couldn't help but think that her father would have known what to do.

She could tell that Pidge was near their breaking point, snapping at everyone, even Hunk who they normally adored. Hunk was twice as anxious now as he was when he first arrived, dropping things, shifting around constantly and jumping at sudden sounds. Shiro was tired, with dark circles under his eyes and constantly worried, checking in with the others often, making some, Pidge, feel smothered. Keith was surlier than usual, practically living in the training room, although, according to the mice, he spent more time staring into space than actually training. Then there was Coran, her one link to her home, her people, and he was quieter now, less likely to break into a tale, and nowhere near as upbeat.

Gently, she placed her hand on Shiro's shoulder. “Come then, we should figure out how to fix this... “

 


	2. How Not To Fix Things...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is always best to know what the exact problem is before you try to fix it. Unfortunately, the rest of the team does not know this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... Thank you all so much for all the nice comments and the kudos. I really appreciate them! I'm so glad you all enjoy this.

Shiro stood in the middle of the training room, human hand over his face while the rest of the team shouted around him. Allura's idea to discuss the situation with the team sounded like a good plan, until Pidge decided that the Princess was blaming them, and immediately blamed Allura back, eventually dragging both Coran and Keith into the mix. Hunk stood to the side, shifting back and forth, eyes darting from one to the other.

“Okay that's enough!” Shiro put just enough force into his voice to get their attention. “Throwing blame around isn't helping anyone. Instead, lets discuss what's different lately.” He pointed at Pidge with his human hand. “and do _not_ tell me something obvious.”

The room was silent for a minute before Hunk spoke up, softly. “Lance talks to himself a lot now...” His eyes met Shiro's. “I mean... he always did a little, pep talks, reading homework out loud, even singing, but this is different. It's more like a conversation but a really quiet one.”

“I noticed he was doing that during our last battle.” Keith offered, arms crossed and looking away from the others. “But, I just thought he was talking to Blue. I mean, we all talk to the Lions.”

“Perhaps, he was just trying to work out a problem... Father used to do that.”

Coran agreed. “Ah yes! I remember many times the King would think out loud and confuse someone.”

“But... if something was wrong he'd just say so right?” Pidge looked around the room. “I mean all he does is complain.”

“You mean me, right?”

“Lance!” Hunk looked a mix of relieved and worried.

All eyes turned to the door. Lance was standing there, one hand on the frame, not even inside the room completely. He looked a bit distant, eyes not really focused on any of them. His head was titled slightly to the side, and he shook his head a couple of times. “It doesn't matter. Coran, are you ready, or should we wait?”

More than happy to sidestep Pidge's little outburst, Allura took a few steps toward the door. “What do you mean, and where have you been?”

Lance blinked, looking confused. “I was in the hangar waiting for Coran. We're doing the final tests on Blue's thrusters today, and he said we'd meet after lunch.” His tone was oddly stiff.

Coran immediately looked a bit guilty and so Shiro covered for him. “It's my fault, Lance. I asked Coran to help out with the training drone. I didn't realize he was supposed to be helping you.”

Lance literally waved the apology away. “Not a big deal. Team first and all that, yeah? I'll be there whenever you're done, Coran.” He turned and left, muttering under his breath.

Keith exchanged a look with Shiro and then chased after Lance.

Satisfied that Keith would keep an eye on Lance, Shiro immediately turned to Pidge getting cut off before he could even begin the reprimand.

“He didn't yell.... Or make a joke... or argue with me...” Pidge muttered. “Lance always argues with me... I mean, he almost never wins... but he always does it...” They turned away from the others, eyes fixed on the wall. “He should have.”

Coran still looked guilty. “I cannot believe that I forgot. I have never forgotten a testing appointment, or a training time.”

“Normally, he would have said something about it. I'm very surprised that he dismissed it so easily. Even I know how seriously he takes Blue's repairs.” Allura patted Coran lightly on the shoulder. “We will both go and monitor the test then, show that it was unintentional.”

While Shiro was sure that might help, he was a bit more worried about Lance's comment. 'Team first.' Did Lance not believe he was part of the team? No, if that was the case, why would he be at every team training exercise? But, Lance was never around for any other reason lately. Shiro wasn't even sure when the last time he ate with them was. Well, that was something he could actually fix. “Okay then, while you are all working on Blue, Hunk Pidge and I will start a Team Dinner. Bring Lance with you when you're done.”

 

*****

 

“Hey Lance, wait up!” By the time Keith caught up, they were halfway to the hangar, he blamed Lance's long legs.

Lance paused, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. “Yeah?” He wondered what Keith wanted from him. After all, they weren't friends. How could they be? Lance had screwed that up a long time ago. Really, he didn't _have_ to be so rude when they saved Shiro... Or when they got the Lions.... Or pretty much any other time Lance opened his mouth. So, Keith forgot him. It wasn't a big deal that Lance didn't mean anything to him. It just, hurt his pride, yes, just his pride. Lance wasn't really important in the grand scheme of things. Not even a little... He ignored the disapproval he could feel from Blue, he'd let her talk him around later.

“I wanted to talk to you.... um.. about Blue's new thrusters.” That had not been what Keith wanted to say. He wanted to ask, if Lance was okay. To figure out, why he was never around... Why he was so quiet lately. It was weird, to see Lance so still. Normally, it would be a fight to even get the words out over Lance's babble. He missed it really. Keith was good at a lot of things, stuff that came easy to him. Being friends with Lance was never easy. Keith actually appreciated that. There was no fawning from him, no ignoring of his flaws just because Keith was good at things. Lance challenged him, made Keith work for every half-hearted compliment, or friendly pat on the back. Made him earn Lance's attention, because to Lance, they were equals. And Lance was fun. His competitions were usually silly things, that Keith usually enjoyed no matter how much he complained about them. He _liked_ spending time with Lance.

It did make sense Keith would want to know that Blue would be at 100% soon. Completely reasonable. Lance nodded, continuing toward the hangar, but letting Keith keep pace with him. The Lions were important enough to warrant Keith talking to him. “Oh, well this is the last test, so Blue will be good to go for the next fight.” There, short, sweet and to the point. Exactly how a Paladin should behave. Blue will be so proud.

“That's... good. She should be faster too, right?” He was hoping for a little bragging, maybe even a racing challenge. Keith could suggest that right? It would be fun, and a much better test than whatever Coran had planned.

Lance just hummed. “Maybe. I won't know until we test them.” He flexed his hands that were still buried in his pockets. This was why he had been spending so much time in the hangar. It was so difficult not to make a joke or challenge Keith to something stupid that Lance knew he would lose at. It was so hard to not be... himself.

Dammit. Keith frowned. This was not going the way he wanted it to. It was... too professional, too cool. “Well, if they work, maybe we could have a race? See exactly how much faster you are?” It was Keith's last ditch effort, because now, he really _wanted_ to race Lance. If this failed, he would have to beg Coran to agree to it.

Suspicious, Lance glanced over at Keith, who looked... hopeful? Why would Keith, who always complained about Lance's dumb challenges want to race when Keith had to know he would win. No, that was stupid. He was projecting, had to be. “Nah, I gotta go do my accuracy training after this. My bayard skills need a lot of work, you know.” Finally, the hangar. He could go and wait in Blue til Coran showed up. By the time the test was done, everyone would be ready to eat and Lance could go practice alone.

“Oh.. okay...” Before Keith could offer to train with him, which he absolutely planned to do. Coran and Allura showed up, ushering Lance away for the test. Keith was left hovering near the door, unhappy and planning on catching Lance the minute he was back.

 


	3. A Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finally learns why Lance is so distant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Turkey Day to everyone that celebrates it. If you don't celebrate, then Hi and thanks for stopping by!
> 
> Thank you to absolutely everyone that has left me a comment, or a kudo, or even just read this. I appreciate it so much!  
> Also... sorry for the delay. I tried to keep it all in one perspective this time... but we will see.. Let me know if it is better now?
> 
> Keith and Lance will be the only two in the next chapter!

While Hunk was in the kitchen experimenting, Shiro dropped into a chair. He had already sent Pidge to go collect Keith, and he needed the time to think of what to say to Lance. He didn't like his suspicion that Lance didn't think he was part of the team. That meant something was very wrong. But try as he might, he could not pin down what it was.

He knew Lance missed his family. But, he never brought them up anymore. Was that the problem? Was Lance trying to keep it from the Pidge and Hunk so he didn't bring them down? It seemed exactly like something Lance would do. Or was he overthinking it? Maybe Lance just needed some time to himself... Was that why he wasn't around anymore? It was possible that Lance had been sick, perhaps the distance was so no one else caught whatever he had? Again, that seemed like Lance, putting the others first. He did it all the time, to everyone. Shiro decided that would be his first question.

His attention was drawn to Pidge and Keith as they came in, pushing his round-a-bout thoughts back for now. “How did it go?”

“Not well.” Keith's words were short.

“I see, despite that I still think we should try and talk this out. Sometimes, it helps to know that someone cares enough to ask. Last time we all ate together was after a battle and we were all too tired to talk then. But, I don't want this to be an interrogation. Lance will be here because Hunk is experimenting, and we can bring it up while everyone is eating.”

Pidge pushed their glasses up a bit. “What if he doesn't answer, or acts all weird again like in the training room?”

“Then we try something else.” Shiro didn't want any doubts in this. “Really, the important thing is for us not to gang up on him. I know that all of us want to know what is going on, and why he hasn't been around, but I think it would be best if just Allura and I talked to him.”

Keith sighed. “I'm not sure that will work, Shiro. He would barely talk to me earlier. I even tried to encourage him to a race in the Lions. All he said was he needed to go train, because his bayard skills needed a lot of work.”

“But, he's actually pretty good with his bayard. Lance is the best shot on the team.” Hunk insisted, from his place in the kitchen, doing something that made the usual green goo turn a murky brown color.

“Well.. we know that... but.. maybe he doesn't?” Pidge offered. “I mean it's not like we ever tell him when he does good. He usually beats us to it, and then no one really wants to agree.”

While that was true, it was Shiro's job to make sure everyone what their strengths and weaknesses were. Maybe, he hadn't done a good enough job of pointing out Lance's strengths. He really hoped this haphazard plan worked. The first part was to capitalize on one of the things that hadn't changed and hope it got Lance to stay long enough to figure out what was wrong. Everyone knew that when Hunk worked with the food goo, Lance was always the one that tasted it first. From what Shiro had gathered it was something Hunk had always done, he would create something new, and then give it to Lance for judgment, without even trying it himself. Even now, with Lance missing from dinner so often, Hunk would wait until Lance was there before anyone tried a bite of his experiments. The few times Lance had shown up, it was because of Hunk's experiments.

When they finally arrived, Coran was babbling excitedly about Blue's test, and tugging Lance along while Allura trailed behind. Shiro watched as everyone settled into chairs, and Hunk brought out the bowls, before plopping down in the chair next to Lance. It was comforting, to watch their odd ritual play out. Lance poking at the goo with his spoon, before casually taking a rather large bite.

“What where you trying to do?”

Hunk shrugged. “I was hoping for pasta with meat sauce.”

Lance shook his head. “Shame... you got chocolate instead.”

Shiro willingly joined in the mad scramble to grab a bowl and actually taste chocolate again for the first time in far too long. The texture was wrong, _very_ wrong, but the taste was exactly right.

“Hunk, never stop cooking, kay? You are my only culinary light during these dark times.”

“Thanks Pidge!” It was easy to see the joy that simple compliment brought.

Shiro glanced around, watching Pidge beg Hunk to try for apples next time. At Lance, who had his head down, eating steadily. From Coran, happily eating, to Keith, watching Lance like a hawk, and finally to Allura, who nodded.

“Lance, have you been sick?” Way to go, Shiro. Just blurt it out, and demand an answer.

Lance slowly took a bite, then shook his head. “No.”

Allura spoke softly. “We were worried since you've been spending so much time alone lately. I am glad you were not ill.”

“I'm fine, Princess. Thanks for asking.” Lance pushed his dish away.

Shiro immediately grabbed Keith's arm under the table to keep him in place. “If there is something wrong, we want to help. We're just worried, Lance.”

Lance bit his lip and for a minute, Shiro was sure that they could fix it. Lance would tell them what was wrong and then things would be back to normal. Or as normal as it could be when they were in space fighting aliens with giant robots. Then Lance's face went blank and Shiro's heart sunk.

Lance stood. “Nothing's wrong. I've been working on my bond with Blue.” His eyes landed on Allura. “In fact, I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. I should be on the same level as everyone else soon, Princess.” His smile was small and it hurt Shiro to even see it. “Then I can work on catching up in training. Which... I really should be doing. Thanks for the chocolate-goo Hunk.”

“Lance.” Allura spoke up, her voice firm. “If you are having trouble you should tell us. We want to know.”

“Please, Lance.” Hunk encouraged, while Pidge nodded.

“You can tell us anything, Lance. We're a team.” Shiro stated firmly, making it plain that Lance was included.

Lance seemed to still, before he stepped to the corner of the table. When he spoke, his tone was mild. “A team... Humor me for a minute Shiro, and tell me what a team does?”

“Well...” He had a bad feeling about this. “A team works together for a common goal. They support each other.. and work together to solve problems.... They listen to each other's problems and do what they can to help.” Shiro kept thinking of long nights being told stories. Nights where he could sleep, listening to a friendly voice.

“I see.” Lance took a step back, continuing in that same low tone. “Then, I don't understand how we can all be a team, Shiro.” Lance took another step backward. “You're right, a team works together to solve problems. But that only works if each member is allowed input and is included in the decision making. Is it really a team if not everyone gets the support? It's a not a team if the only time one of the members is tolerated is to make everyone else happy.” Not once did Lance raise his voice. “So, no Shiro, I can't tell you what's wrong. Because I already told _my_ teammate, and she tries her best every single day to convince me that I am wrong. She hasn't been able to yet, but she tries. Even now, she's telling me that it's okay, and this is not entirely my fault.” Lance glanced around the room, then back at Shiro. “Blue is my only teammate.... because we don't _use_ _each other_!” He spat the last words before whirling out the door.

For a long moment, no one moved, then Keith, literally vaulted over the table and out the door.

 


	4. An Overdue Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith have a long overdue talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the chapter that would not end. I literally spent all day on this.. It just would not end. I hope you all like it. 
> 
> Should have the next part up by Monday... unless I get a lot done tomorrow.

Keith ran through the castle halls, cursing everything from Lance's stupid long legs, to his own inability to actually say what he wanted to. But he had to figure this out. What had they done to make Lance think they were _using_ him? Something Keith had always appreciated about Lance was that he made them all like equals, even Coran and Allura.

When he reached the hangar he froze just inside the door. There was Lance, in plain sight, not hiding inside of Blue, like Keith thought he would be. The Lion was laying down, head on the floor of the hangar and Lance... He was apologizing over and over.... to Blue?

“I'm so sorry...” Lance had his forehead pressed to Blue's head. “I know we agreed that I wouldn't say anything.... I screwed up again..... But I did, Blue... Shiro said we were a team, and that I could tell them anything.... Yes... and I was so upset..... Yeah...” Lance raised his head before pacing back and forth. “I didn't want to tell them. It's not their fault... Stop it, and just... let me get this all out, yeah? Then you can tell me. Thanks, girl.”

Keith watched confused as Lance seem to hold an entire conversation with his lion. It was completely different from what Keith was used to. He could feel Red, could get a general idea of feelings, but nothing like this...

“As I was saying, I really screwed up. I should have just insisted that nothing was wrong. I mean, they already don't want me around as it is.... What? Why would they?” Lance stared at Blue for several minutes. “I'm...sorry Blue. But I can't believe that one. I just mess up all the time, and they have to be tired of waiting for me to catch up in everything... Blue, I know you think I'm great but I suck at the team training. I'm never where I'm supposed to be, and there has not been a single training session where someone didn't complain about me.... Yes, Blue, even the lion training... No _NO_! No, it's not you girl! No! It's me... I'm..a bad paladin....”

Oh Lance... Keith was starting to regret all those comments now, most of them were from him after all. He just wanted Lance to be better, and usually if Keith says that Lance can't do something, Lance will work three times as hard to prove him wrong. He never thought Lance would believe him....

“They just.... tolerate me.. Because I know how to help them relax... Yes, I'm sure... Hunk might miss me... but he's too busy to ever do anything anymore... No, it's not his fault, there's a lot he has to do, you know... Because he's a mechanic... Ha!... Pidge thinks I'm an idiot.” He crossed his arms, then nodded. “That's what I thought.... No no, listen,girl... those are things they would miss me _doing_. Of course, Shiro will miss someone talking him to sleep, and Coran will miss someone to listen to his stories about how much better the old paladins were compared to us, and I don't even _do_ anything for the others.... But that does not mean they will miss me, because they don't know me. None of them know I took singing lessons as a kid, or that I can dance. They don't know my favorite color, or that I love thunderstorms more than sunny days. They don't know because they never asked.... Yeah, actually. I know that Hunk is allergic to strawberries and Pidge thinks that otters are the cutest animal. I know Shiro likes fairytales and that Keith cannot stand snakes. The Princess' favorite color is actually silver and Coran misses the smell of a flower called _Kassisin_... Because I asked them.”

Keith would miss him. But, Lance was right. Keith had never asked any of those things. Well, that was something Keith could change. Lance was so involved in his talk with Blue, that Keith was able to move across the hangar, and spin Lance to face him, holding him by the shoulders.

“So it's..Whoa! Keith!” Lance looked panicked, and tried to squirm out of the grip. “Uh... what are you...”

“I would miss you.” Keith kept his hold on Lance's shoulders, not letting him run off again. He needed to say this. He needed Lance to understand. Keith missed him.

“Uh... you don't have to..” Lance continued to try and wiggle out. “Look, I shouldn't have said anything, okay? It was just me being an idiot and I will apologize to everyone and....” Lance tensed up even more when Keith shook his head. “...Right... right, an apology isn't enough... I'll do extra cleaning and extra solo training shifts. Then I can catch up faster, and you all won't be held back ….”

Keith's heart hurt. “Talk to me... please?” He tightened his grip a bit when Lance almost managed to twist out. He really didn't want to do it this way but... “If you want to apologize to me, then answer my questions, alright?”

He hated seeing how Lance froze, the way he automatically looked to Blue, for support and answers, how unhappy he looked at the thought of having to talk to Keith. “If that's what it'll take.” Lance looked at Blue again before turning back stare at the floor.

As much as Keith wanted to just sit down and start asking, he also didn't want to do it here. The others would be looking for Lance too, and this would be the first place they looked. “Will Blue mind if we talked there?”

Lance blinked. “No...” He looked up at the Lion, and she shifted, opening her mouth.

Keith dropped his hands and followed Lance. Keith hadn't been inside of the Blue Lion since they arrived. It was very different from Red, Both were warm, but Keith had a feeling that he wasn't exactly welcome. Still he settled down on the floor next to Lance. He had so many questions. Why did Lance feel like the team used him? Well, Keith had an idea now, after listening to Lance talk to Blue. But, why did he withdraw so much? Why didn't he talk to them about it? He wanted to know Lance's favorite color, and why he loved thunderstorms so much. What ended up falling out of his mouth was... “Does Blue talk to you a lot?”

“Yeah... I mean, I'm sure Red talks to you too. Blue says he's not the most talkative but...”

“Lance... Red is a girl. All the Lions are.”

Lance actually laughed. His eyes crinkled, and he looked like Keith had just told him the funniest joke. “That's pretty good. You said that with a straight face and everything.”

Red... was a boy? How did Keith not know this?? He could feel the amusement rolling around in the back of his head. “Uh.. I thought they were all girls...”

Lance blinked. “Uh...” He shook his head a couple of times. “Um... actually Blue is the only girl...” Lance rubbed his arm, looking uncomfortable. “Didn't Red tell you?”

Keith shook his head. “Uh... no. I only get a feeling in the back of my mind... But, Red is very amused at me..”

“Oh...” Lance wouldn't look up, staring at the floor instead.

Despite the awkwardness of conversation, Keith was impressed with Lance's bond with Blue. “It's amazing really. You're both so in sync with each other.”

Lance looked pleased for a minute before his face fell. “I'm sure the others are much father along...”

Keith let that one go. There was something else he needed to know. “Do you hate us?”

“No?” Lance looked confused. “Why would I? It's not like this is your guys fault.”

“We made you think we used you! How is that not our fault??”

“Well... if I hadn't decided to focus on Blue, you wouldn't have ever noticed right? I'm really the one at fault for messing the the team dynamic that you all have.” Lance paused, head titled slightly.

Keith was starting to learn that when Lance did that he was listening to Blue. Which was actually a good thing, because.... Keith couldn't exactly say that he was wrong. They probably wouldn't have noticed.

“Anyway, I promise it won't happen again. Blue agrees that we should all just go back to how things were. Well... Mostly. I still have to work on my bond with her... and I still need all the extra training I've been doing... But, I'll make it a point to be there for the rest of you now. I mean, the Princess, Pidge and you are probably cool with things, but I noticed Hunk was nervous earlier... I should go cheer him up, yeah?” Lance smiled, an obviously fake thing that didn't reach his eyes, before starting to his feet.

Keith latched on to Lance's wrist and pulled him right back down. “No.”

“No what?” Lance stared at Keith's hand.

“No, I'm not okay with things right now.” He took a deep breath. “You told Blue that you screwed up, but you didn't. We all did. You should have told us, maybe not at that moment, but before. Before we made you feel like that. But, we should have taken the same time for you that you give to all of us... I'm not okay with how things are because you... don't throw challenges at me, or argue, we don't train together anymore, and you didn't even want to race earlier.” Maybe, Keith was still a little annoyed about that.

“Keith.” This time Lance spoke slowly, like one would to a confused child. “You hate my challenges. The only time you didn't complain about them was when I challenged all of us to find Shiro the perfect birthday present.”

Keith remembered that. They had only been reunited for a couple of days, when Lance breezed into the training room, and announced that he had convinced Allura to let them all stay planet side in order to get Shiro gifts. He remembered Lance doing the same thing for Hunk and Pidge. Unfortunately, he also remembered that Lance's birthday had passed with a large fight with the Galra and them all sleeping afterword.

“I mean, I get why you hate them. I've been a complete jerk to you, and I never have anything nice to say and....” Lance froze when Keith shifted his grip from Lance's wrist to his hand.

This was important. Keith needed to make sure he said this right. This was not the time for him to mess up his words. “But you were honest with me. You weren't nice to me just because I was good at something. You give me these silly challenges, and half the time they aren't about anything important. They're... just fun things for us to do together. You treat me just like you would anyone else... and.. I like that. You have said nice things, and yeah you were a jerk at first, but so was I...” He paused, trying to get his words just right. “I want to be your teammate, but I also want to be your friend. I want you to feel like you can talk to me, like you do with Blue. Can we both just try?”

Lance was quiet for several minutes and Keith was convinced he was listening to Blue. Dimly, he could hear Hunk calling for Lance, but that was easy to ignore. Keith had no intention of moving until Lance answered him.

“Okay... Yeah... we can try...”

Lance's tone was hesitant, but Keith expected that. He agreed and that was really what mattered. It was a start.

 


	5. It's a Start...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance make the effort to be friends... and Lance has some talks looming in the future. Blue will not allow anyone to mess with her Paladin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith Perspective this time. With a bonus of Blue. The perspectives are separated by *** I hope that isn't too confusing. Blue's thoughts are bold italics
> 
> Thank you SO much for all the comments, and bookmarks and kudos. You are all just... so amazing. 
> 
> (The next chapter may be a while, as I had a new idea and I am itching to get it started. But I will try to have it up by Weds, maybe Thursday)

Lance really just wanted to curl up in the cockpit of Blue and let her talk him to sleep. But he couldn't... because Keith was there. He couldn't really understand why though. Keith was... impulsive, and it took almost nothing to make him angry. Lance knew that for a fact. So why was Keith... being so kind? Lance wanted to ask him, but he wasn't sure he could handle the answer. _**'You can. You are strong, My Paladin.'**_ Lance couldn't help but smile a bit at Blue's endless support. He had been worried that she would grow tired of him too, like the others had. But not Blue. When Lance was sad and missing his family, she would purr at him and encourage him to talk about them. When they flew, she followed every idea that he had, even the dumb ones, because she believed he could make them work. Now, he loved her like family, The last thing he wanted to do was let her down.

“Lance?”

What? Right.. Keith... “Yeah?” He wasn't used to anyone else being in his Lion with him.

“Are you... okay?” Lance thought the question was pretty silly. So did Keith, based on the slightly embarrassed look on his face.

Normally, Lance would answer that question with a “Fine,” or “Why wouldn't I be?” But, he couldn't really do that now, could he? What answer would be best? _**'The truth...'**_ Lance closed his eyes for a minute, aware of Blue's comfort in his mind, and the odd warmth of his hand that Keith still hadn't released. Lance straightened, pulling his hand free.

“No, but I will be.” That was true after all. Lance was always okay in the end. Maybe not happy, but okay. He could do this, because Blue believed he could. “I just...” Lance bit his lower lip. “I just don't understand why you are being so nice.”

He watched as Keith scowled, before the expression smoothed out again. Lance waited several minutes before Keith finally answered.

“Because... You were right, when you told Shiro that all teammates need support... and I heard what you told Blue, about how we always criticize you after training. Most of that was me.”

Lance stared for a full minute before a “What?” fell out.

Keith rubbed his hands together. “Well, you said we can try to be friends... and so... I'm trying.”

“I thought you would be angry at me....” Lance promptly looked away. _**'You didn't do anything wrong. You need to understand just like they do. It's okay, My Paladin. Don't be afraid, I will protect you.'**_

“Well, you weren't wrong. I wanted to be, but then I thought about it. You and I aren't exactly in good practice at being nice to each other, are we?” Keith's soft chuckle made Lance turn back around.

“Yeah... That's true...” Lance couldn't help the small smile that crossed his face. “So... tell me about your bike?”

The question brought a genuine smile to Keith's face. “Sure, but you have to tell me what is so great about thunderstorms in exchange.”

Lance grinned as Blue purred in approval. “I can do that.”

 

*****

 

Keith had no idea how long they sat in Blue, just talking. A few hours.. clicks? Keith wasn't sure, but it was nice. Lance had actually seemed interested in his bike on Earth, and had managed to worm out of Keith that he had built it himself, looking both shocked and impressed at the news. For his part, Keith had listened while Lance explained about the thrill he got when standing in a thunderstorm, the freedom of the wind and how he always felt clearheaded after the rain. Lance had gotten so into his story, that he had started gesturing, a wide smile on his face. It made Keith feel like they were actually getting somewhere. He just hoped it would last. He knew nothing was actually fixed, not until he talked to Shiro and Allura. But, it was a very good start.

When they finally left the Lion, the castle was dark, but Keith was sure the others were still awake. He really hoped that they could just go to the training room, like Lance wanted, and extended this somewhat peaceful time for a little bit longer. They hadn't even left the hangar before....

“Where have you been??” Pidge seemed to appear out of nowhere, making Lance jump and even startling Keith, who immediately scowled at the tone.

“We were talking, Pidge.” Normally, Keith had no problem with Pidge. Sure they were a little blunt, but so was Keith, and occasionally, they were annoying with the overabundance of tech talk, but they were still a good teammate. But right now, Keith really wanted them to just go away.

“We were worried!” Pidge snapped, looking from one to the other. “We looked all over for you, Lance. Where were you? Hiding in Blue again?” Their arms crossed, and they did not look pleased.

“I..I'm sorry.. I lost track of time...” Lance took a small step back, but Keith caught him by the elbow. There was a low growl that made everyone look toward the Blue Lion. Her eyes were glowing, and she was plainly not happy. 

Good, Keith approved, the other's needed to see how close Blue and Lance actually where. He jerked back to face Pidge, glaring right back. “And that's fine, Lance.”  He knew that they tended to express worry with anger, Keith did too in all honesty, but now was not the time for it. If even Keith knew that, then a genius like Pidge should too. “Isn't it, Pidge?” His tone was firm, and he kept glaring until Pidge sighed.

They looked unnerved by Blue's actions, but they still nodded. “Yeah.. of course. I'm sorry, we were just really worried.” Their tone was softer now, eyes fixed on Lance, who had his head slightly turned away, back toward Blue. “Shiro wanted to talk to you once we found you, Lance. He's in the dining hall. I'll go get Hunk.” Pidge darted away, and Blue's eyes faded, apparently appeased.

Keith waited until Pidge was gone, before looking back at Lance. “Hey...”

Lance shook his head. “I don't think I can do this. I probably made them so mad...”

Keith pulled Lance into a hug. He wasn't even sure why he did it, if it was the expression on Lance's face, or the way he kept rubbing his hand together. It was an awkward thing, and stiff, but Lance was warm. After a minute, Lance sighed and returned it,making it much better in Keith's humble opinion.

“I'm sorry.” Lance muttered after pulling away. “I'm just not sure I can do this.” His head tilted again, and Keith sighed.

“Okay then, want me to go get Shiro? Just Shiro?” Keith had been planning on talking to both Shiro and Allura, telling them both about what Lance had told Blue. But, it might be better if it was just Shiro at first. He was more understanding, and as worried as Allura had been, she wasn't exactly good at comfort. Neither was Keith, but he was trying.

“Okay...”

 

*****

 

Lance had waited until Keith left to get Shiro, before sighing. He was supposed to go to his room, and wait for Shiro there, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't feel as comfortable there as he did here, with Blue. “Thanks girl, for sticking up for me... But it's probably not good for you to threaten the others...” _**'The Green Paladin should not have spoken to you that way. You are allowed time. In addition, I am sure the Red Paladin approved.'**_

That made Lance chuckle. “Not so sure that is a good thing either, Blue.” Of course, Keith would approve of the Lions scaring the other pilots. That is probably why Red growls at him every time Lance passes the hangar. “Still... Thank you.” _**'You need not thank me for this, My Paladin. I am here for you.'**_

“I know... and I couldn't do this without you... but.. I don't know if I can tell Shiro about this...” _**'Why? The Black Paladin is understanding, is he not?'**_ Lance shifted, eyes on the floor. “Yeah, but.. he doesn't need to deal with all this, you know? He has his own problems and doesn't need mine on top of that. I should just apologize and work hard at....”

Despite having gotten used to Blue moving on her own, at least when it was just the two of them, Lance still startled when Blue moved her head to stare directly at him. _**'No. The Black Paladin is your leader, he needs to know the issues in his team, just as Black does for us.'**_

Lance smiled, sure Blue was teasing. “I dunno how many issues you giant space lions can have though. But, I see your point.” He relaxed a bit at the purr that came from his lion. She really was perfect. “So... How do I tell him? How do I tell Shiro, who has been through so much worse, that I hate being around the team because they don't like me? It's so childish...” Lance glanced at the door, aware he needed to leave but wanting a bit more time to clear his head. The last thing he wanted was for Pidge to come looking for him again.

Blue growled a bit, before purring at Lance. _**'Be truthful. Explain that it hinders your ability to trust them, that it makes you feel as if you are a hindrance. That is not childish. You have already made progress with the Red Paladin, yes? Simply be honest, and if it does not go well, return to me, My Paladin. I will make them see.'**_

Lance let out a choked laugh, eyes wet, but still he nodded. “Okay girl.. Thank you....” He took a deep breath and headed out of the hangar, Blue's words still reaching him easily. _**'Of course, My Paladin.'**_


	6. Shiro...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Lance finally talk. Shiro learns what is doing on, but fixing the actual problem maybe much harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter out nine times. That's right, NINE. I didn't like any of them for some reason. So I hope this is acceptable. I'm still not exactly happy with it, but this is the best one outta the lot. At least this one didn't end with Lance quitting, or Shiro yelling the entire time.
> 
> (Back at work starting tomorrow, so it is unlikely there will be an update before Friday)

Shiro wasn't sure how he was going to handle this conversation. He felt bad that Lance didn't feel apart of the team, but he was also hurt and angry that Lance could accuse them of such a terrible without with an explanation. He was never sure how to handle Lance. It wasn't too difficult to keep his flirting in check with a sharp comment or an elbow to the side. A frown and a rough clap on the shoulder tended to do well if Lance wasn't paying attention in training. But if Lance was genuinely hurt by something, Shiro never knew what to do. Physical hurts were easy, a warm blanket after the healing pod, and a warm smile went a long way, but emotional hurts, Shiro never had to deal with. The main time Lance's homesickness had been addressed, it had been Coran that had done it.

As he approached Lance's room, Shiro paused, trying to think over the best way to start. Keith hadn't explained anything, but he had also seemed rather distracted, which didn't help much. He wasn't sure if it would be better to let Lance talk first, or if he should be the first to speak. Should he be stern and demand an explanation? Stern usually worked with Lance... but this wasn't a usual situation. Still undecided, Shiro stepped to the door, pleased that it opened immediately.

Lance's room looked like all the others, save for the blue blankets what were on the neatly made bed. There was no clutter or personal touches at all, which was rather surprising as even Shiro had a couple of things in his own room. Lance was on the far side of the room, eyes staring at the wall with his head titled. He didn't seem to notice that Shiro was even there.

Seeing Lance quiet was surprising, after all the few times Lance was around, he barely said anything. But the distracted was new, in a way. New things, pretty aliens, or even a stray word could grab Lance's attention easily, but this complete unawareness was new. There was a stillness that Shiro would never associate with Lance, and that more than anything convinced him that he needed to handle this talk with care. To talk to Lance like a friend and not a leader.

“Lance?”

Lance straightened, turning to face Shiro and tucking his hands into his jacket pocket. “Hi, Shiro.” Lance smiled but it was small and obviously forced. “I have a lot of explaining to do, huh?”

Leaning against the now closed door, Shiro took a minute to study his teammate. Lance looked healthy enough, which was good, but there was no sign of the normal happy smile. He wasn't shifting around, hands moving as he talked. Lance wouldn't meet his eyes, and he seemed willing to have this conversation while standing as far as possible while still being in the same room. “I would appreciate it. But first, how are you?”

“Like I told Keith, I will be okay.” Lance sounded completely certain of that statement, which made Shiro feel slightly relieved. “Blue told me that I should just be honest with you... but, I'm not so sure.” Lance seemed to be studying the door panel with interest.

“Why is that?” Shiro kept his tone as neutral as possible, despite not knowing what Lance's lion had to do with things.

“Because, I know you have been through a lot of things. Things I can't understand and compared to that this is silly and...” Lance trailed off, head tilting again. “But this bothers me, and if you tell me I'm being an idiot, I will believe you and I won't mention it again, no matter how much Blue insists I should.” Finally, Lance's eyes met Shiro's and the older man was surprised at how serious Lance looked.

Very confused now, Shiro pushed off the door and settled into the very uncomfortable chair that each room had. “Thank you for that. Now, can you tell me what bothers you so much that you feel like we're using you?” In all, Shiro was very pleased with the question. It got right to the point, but it wasn't forceful.

Lance nodded, then sighed. “I feel that way because whenever I ask anyone to take a minute, or do something, I always get brushed off. Hunk is generally nice about it, but it's every time.” He paused, then kept going, when Shiro was going to interrupt. “No, I am not exaggerating. Tell me, other than the nights I talked you to sleep, when was the last time we actually did anything or sat down to talk? When when was the last time, I came to you, asked if you had a minute and you didn't tell me, 'Maybe later'? The last time, I had a talk with any of you before today was when the crystal blew up.” Lance turned his head, eyes fixed on the wall.

Shiro frowned and was about to argue, but couldn't exactly remember when the last time was. “What about Hunk and Pidge? You're right about me, and I am sorry for that, but what about them? Or Keith and Coran?” He wasn't going to mention Allura, as she generally spent all her time on the castle bridge.

“Pidge thinks I'm an idiot. _Everyone_ knows that, and we never talked just us, even at the Garrison. Hunk and I used to talk, but then he got busy. Now the only times he wants me around are when he's upset or I need to try the new food. But, like I said he's at least nice about it. Coran and I talked before the crystal exploded, any other time, it's stories about how much improvement we need to do to tach up to the old paladins. Keith... he talked to me today. It was... nice but weird. I think he doesn't want to upset the team more than I already have, but it was nice.”

Shiro didn't really like hearing that. If that was true, then they had really been neglecting a part of the team. But then, for all Lance's bragging, he seldom lied. Before he could speak up and apologize again, Lance kept going.

“Really, this is all my fault.”

Wait, what? “What?”

“It's my fault. Blue says that it isn't but it is. I should have just kept at it. I mean, there are a ton of things I can change to make myself fit in better, right? I mean, I did stop all those things, but then you thought I was sick... so it didn't really help in the end, which is probably also my fault... Then Pidge was mad that I in Blue talking to Keith and Blue growled at them... which I told her not to do, so please tell Pidge I won't let it happen again...”

What??! “What? Show down, Lance. By change you mean being around less, and only showing up for missions and training?” Shiro paused long enough for Lance to nod before continuing. “Pidge had no right to be mad, but I don't approve of using the lions to get around teammates.”

“I wasn't in Blue when it happened. Ask Keith, he was there.” Lance glanced over at Shiro again. “I told her not to do it again.”

Shiro couldn't quite wrap his brain around Blue growling at any of them on her own. But there was something else he needed to understand first. “Lance, why do you think this is all your fault? I don't think it is. I mean, you should have come to me earlier, but then again you might have tried and I didn't realize... but us not supporting you is our fault.”

To Shiro's shock, Lance shook his head. “If I wasn't so unlikable, it never would have happened.”

There was a moment of silence while Shiro tried to figure out exactly what that meant, before there was a shudder, and a muted roar echoed through the halls. Shiro shot out of the chair but for once Lance was faster.

“Blue...”

Lance bolted out of the room, moving faster than Shiro had ever seen him move. It took only a second before Shiro chased after him. He wondered what was wrong now...

 


	7. Hunk Steps Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team learns a bit more about Lance's bond with Blue, Keith spies, and Hunk takes the situation into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the small delay, I couldn't get this chapter right and then I had no idea where to cut it off at. Thank you all for the _amazing_ support. You all are wonderful! 
> 
> I promised several people that there would be two hugs in this chapter. I delivered! (I also found my inner Hunk)

It was common knowledge that Keith was not the stealthiest of the paladins, it was usually Pidge that held that title, but he did decently when he was motivated enough. Right now, Keith just wanted to get back to the hangar. Lance would be with Shiro, hopefully explaining things, so it would be empty. He just wanted some time to think, try and figure this situation out. He couldn't do that with the others questioning him about his earlier talk with Lance. Especially since that was one of things he was confused about.

So here was Keith, standing several feet away from the Blue Lion, and just staring at her. Keith wasn't one for talking to others, but after months alone in the desert, he did have a habit of talking to himself when working out a problem. But, in all truth, Keith wanted to talk to Blue.

“I don't understand any of this... I don't get how Lance, who was always bragging and gloating is this insecure. I don't know why he insists that this is all his fault.... and.... I don't understand why it was so easy to talk to him before. It never was. It was always challenges, and dares and arguments.. But earlier... it was so easy, like none of that was real.” Keith shoved his hands into his pockets, looking up at Blue. It was weird talking to a Lion that wasn't his, especially knowing that she would never answer him, but Blue was the only one that actually knew what was going on, besides Lance. “I wish...”

Blue's head turned, and Keith froze. He had no idea what he had done, but Blue growled, low just once. He took several quick steps backward, but Blue didn't move. Her head was turned toward the hangar door, and for several minutes nothing happened. Keith had just started to relax when Blue roared, the sound echoing through the hangar. Keith covered his ears against the sound, staring as Blue lowered her head closer to the ground, eyes still fixed on the hangar door.

Minutes later, Lance burst through the door, Shiro on his heels, moving straight for Blue and throwing his arms around her nose, muttering. Shiro stopped just inside the door, Hunk and then Coran appearing with Pidge and Allura arriving at the same time. All eyes were fixed on Blue.

“What is going on?” Allura spoke up first, a frown on her face.

“I told you, Blue was acting weird.”

“No she's _not_!” Lance hissed, not even turning around. Then Lance was right back to talking to Blue, this time loud enough to be heard. “I'm sorry... I'm _so_ sorry. I didn't mean it... I'm sorry.”

Allura looked confused. Keith could relate. “Pidge, why do you think the Blue Lion is acting off?”

“Probably because Blue growled at them for their harsh words earlier.” Keith inched his way over, eyes still on Blue.

“I have never heard of one of the Lions doing such a thing.” Coran rubbed his chin. He took a step closer and Blue growled softly. Lance immediately began patting the side of her nose, never stopping his soft words.

Hunk was watching with a frown on his face. “Well... Maybe they never had to before....” Hunk slowly started moving closer, hands up. Keith started counting the steps, waiting for Blue to warn Hunk away too.

“I don't understand...” Pidge complained. “Why is Lance apologizing?”

This one, Keith knew. “Blue doesn't like it when Lance blames himself for everything.” He was watching Hunk slowly get closer. “He told me she tells him it isn't his fault a lot.”

“Oh!” Allura gasped. “Their bond has grown that much?” She sounded pleased.

Hunk stopped just a step away from Lance. “Hey buddy. It's okay.” His voice was soft. “Blue forgives you. It's okay...”

“I... didn't mean to.” Lance didn't move, head down on Blue's nose. “I didn't mean it..”

“She knows that.” Hunk carefully pulled Lance away and wrapped him into a hug. Blue purred even louder.

Shiro sighed, it was the first sound he had made since he got there. “Can you all give us a few minutes, please?” He shook his head when Pidge started to argue. “I want to talk to Lance some more and I think it would be best to do it here, with Blue.”

Allura nodded and ushered Pidge and Coran out. Keith understood immediately. He had felt the same way earlier. Besides, he could see and hear everything just as well from the observation deck above the hangar. He wanted to understand this. He nodded and headed out, moving straight for the deck.

 

*****

 

Hunk kept hugging Lance, one arm wrapped around his shoulder, the other patting his back lightly. Lance kept apologizing, and all he could do was tell him it was okay. He had only seen his friend like this once before and Hunk hated even thinking about it. It had been a _really_ bad time for Lance, and so when Lance begged for Hunk to never mention it, he had kept his word.

He didn't really care what the others were doing. He had really let his friend down and he needed to make up for that. He knew better than anyone that for all of Lance's bragging he was very insecure, unsure of almost everything he did. That was why Lance bragged so much actually. It was to cover the fact that he really didn't feel that he deserved anything. Usually, Hunk could tell when Lance was starting to let it get to him, but this time he hadn't noticed. He would make it up to Lance for this... the Galra could attack right now, and Hunk would keep standing here, hugging Lance. Well... there was one other thing he needed to do. He looked up at Blue. “I'm sorry... I should have noticed.”

Blue purred again, but it changed to a low growl when Shiro got close. Lance tightened his grip at that. “I'm sorry... So so sorry...”

Hunk hugged him tighter. “It's okay.. We'll fix this. It'll get better.” Hunk glanced over at Shiro and shook his head slightly. “Right, Shiro? It'll get better.”

“Right.” Hunk ignored the questioning look Shiro had and just focused on Lance.

“It's okay now. Blue isn't upset anymore, are you?” Blue purred. “See? Come on, there we go.” He loosed his grip when Lance did, slowly ending the hug.

Lance's eyes kept darting from Blue to the floor. “I'm sorry, Shiro. But, I upset Blue and...”

Shiro actually beat Hunk this time. “Nothing to apologize for. If Blue needed you, then this was where you should be.” Shiro tilted his head toward the hangar door and Hunk shook his head firmly. He was not going anywhere. Shiro was the leader and he needed to worry about the team but Hunk needed to be there for Lance, especially after not being there before.

Now that Hunk was paying attention the signs were obvious. Lance wasn't babbling, something he did to keep the darker thoughts that silence brought at bay. He wasn't making any eye contact, which he only did at his lowest, when he felt that he didn't deserve the few friends he had. Lance looked pale, and he kept rubbing his hands together, and tugging at his jacket sleeves. Hunk made a decision then, and pulled Lance into another hug, ignoring how his friend tensed slightly before relaxing into it.

“Hey, Shiro? Do you mind giving Lance and me a few minutes, please?” He kept Lance's face tucked into his shoulder. He needed to convince Lance to explain everything, and he couldn't do that with Shiro here. Hunk needed to be the one to do this. He knew when things got to be too much, all he ever had to do was go to Lance. He had problems with anxiety all his life and nothing he tried had ever worked as well as when Lance dropped everything to pat his arm,or make a joke. It wasn't _what_ Lance did that worked, it was the fact that Lance made Hunk a priority. Now, Hunk needed to do the same.

Shiro didn't look happy at the request, but Blue's low growl seemed to help him make his decision. “I'll be in my room. Come find me when you are done.”

Hunk waited until Shiro was gone, waited a few extra minutes because he did not anyone hearing anything until Lance was ready before finally loosening his hold and giving his friend a reassuring smile. “Okay buddy. Let's talk a bit, just us.”

 


	8. True Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is Hunk's Best Friend. He was always there when Hunk needed him. Now, Hunk returns the favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very very sorry that this took so long. There was a lot I wanted in this chapter, and it took me quite a while with the holidays and my work to get it just right for you all. I hope that it is worth the wait. I can honestly say, it is my longest chapter of this story so far. 
> 
> Please, if you have the time, let me know what you think?

It was easy to settle Lance on the floor in front of Blue, and to sit with him, backs lightly touching. It was a position the two used often, Hunk fiddling with a project and Lance relaxed, chatting about whatever came to mind. It was something they had done since they were children and Hunk felt the familiarity would help. Lance didn't say anything, hadn't since his apology to Shiro, but Hunk was patient. He would wait as long as Lance needed. Because that was what his _friend_ needed. Like all the times Lance had calmed him down, or distracted him, or even the day they met... The memory made Hunk smile.

Lance sighed, the slight warmth from his back withdrawing. “I'm sorry.”

Taking the slightly stronger tone as a good sign, Hunk straightened, keeping his legs crossed. “I'm the one that's sorry, Lance. I should have noticed.”

There was an odd strangled noise that almost made Hunk turn. There was an audible breath and Lance was off. “I messed it all up, Hunk! I was doing good... Staying busy, and all the team training was good, because we were all bad at first... then we were all split up... and” Another breath. “I couldn't keep it up... We all got back and it was so different.. Everyone was busy all the time, and the only time anyone wanted me was if they needed something...” Lance's voice grew muffled. “And, all I could think was that no one really wanted me here... I mean, you needed a pilot for Blue, but not _me_.”

Now, Hunk did turn around. Lance had his legs pressed to his chest, arms curled around himself, voice muffled by his knees. He started to interrupt, but Lance kept going.

“I was.. okay at first, I mean, it was better than not being needed at all... but then I was hurt... So I figured, I should take a step back, you know? Work on all the things everyone kept saying I needed to fix. And Blue, she always wanted me around, so it was perfect. But.. even though I was trying so hard, it didn't matter. There was always something I did wrong. Blue kept trying to help, she'd encourage me, or even insist that I was just fine... But... I kept thinking, if I was just better, or wasn't so annoying then, maybe... Eventually... I..” Another sigh, as he dropped his forehead to his knees, curling up even tighter. “I couldn't keep pretending that there was anything good about me.”

There it was. Hunk's arm shot out and he jerked Lance into a hug. “Lance... There's lots of good things about you.” Lance tensed, and Hunk hugged him tighter. “I know you aren't going to believe me right now, and that's okay. But it's true.”

Lance wiggled free, eyes fixed on the floor. “It's just like before... and I hate it. I'm ruining the team... and this is so important and I can't keep screwing it up, Hunk, I can't do it again. But, I can't change it on my own... But, I...” He sighed, shoulders slumping, and Hunk fought to stay still. “I can't tell them now. I need...”

“I get it, buddy. You gotta sort yourself.” This was the one part of the entire thing Hunk was actually comfortable with. Lance's mom was always the one to talk him around, but it was always Hunk that Lance came to when he needed to sort things. Once, they made lists, of things Lance felt he should change, or things that he needed to let go of. Lance had started with a huge list, full of everything that he didn't like, or that others hated, and Hunk argued, mentioned memories or how some of those things were good or important to him. Once, Hunk actually ended up, sneaking most of Lance's CDs out of the trash because Lance was convinced everyone hated his music. Even now, he still barely would listen to it. Hunk didn't exactly think Lance needed to change anything, he understood why his friend was the way he was. He accepted it, and it was time for the others to do the same.

But first, a distraction, and to reaffirm that Hunk wasn't going anywhere. He paused, then leaned slightly, bumping his left shoulder to Lance's right. “Remember when we met?”

That made Lance chuckle weakly. “That was not one of my best ideas.”

“That was a great idea.” Hunk insisted, smile growing. “Our third day of second grade, and I was about to get beaten up by those Jones jerks. Next thing I know, the fire alarm is going off, people are everywhere and you grab my hand and drag me out of the hall. Then you go to the teacher and admit it was you.” Hunk chuckled and shook his head. He could see it like it had happened yesterday. A scrawny Lance, arms crossed, with a wide smile and hair absolutely sticking up everywhere, announcing that he did it to stop his 'best friend ever' from getting beat up.

Lance shook his head, but there was a small smile on his face, so Hunk counted it as a win. “Like I said, not my best idea. I'm honestly shocked you've stuck around so long with how crazy I am.”

“That's what friends do, Lance. We pull fire alarms for each other. We stand up in the middle of a test claiming the stomach flu to get the other out because they are panicking. We sneak out a four in the morning because the others dog died." He was deliberately using a plural noun to show Lance that given the opportunity, Hunk would do all these things too. "We get grounded for three weeks because we trashed the kitchen making the other a birthday cake. We tell Iverson _to his face_ , that going home with me because my mom was in the hospital was more important than the fighter's class qualification test.” Hunk would remember that day proudly until he died. He glanced at Lance, noted the slightly stunned look and added one more thing. He lowered his voice, but put every ounce of emotion he had into it. “We stand by each other _no matter what_. Even when our families don't. That is why I'm still here. That's why I'm sorry I didn't notice. That's _my_ fault, Lance. Not yours.”

Lance stared at his friend for a moment, then dropped his face to his knees and started to cry.

Hunk's jaw dropped, and he scrambled to wrap his arms around his friend. For all of Lance's dramatic tendencies, he rarely cried. He'd teared up when Nyma had stolen his lion, but that was not the same thing as this. Lance hadn't cried when he grandfather died when he was nine, or when he'd fallen out of a tree and broken his arm at twelve. Hunk had done it for him. Even after the accident, Lance hadn't cried, he'd been broken, hurt and depressed, but Hunk never saw a single tear.

Blue whined, an honest to god whine, that had Lance straightening immediately, wiping his face and mumbling under his breath. “I'm sorry, girl. I just...” He trailed off, but kept his eyes on his lion.

Hunk still wasn't sure how the two were able to communicate so easily, but he was thankful for it. He quietly kicked himself for bringing up Lance's family. He stayed quiet for a while, keeping his friend close until Lance pulled away. “I'm sor...”

Lance turned to Hunk, face slightly red, but calmer thank Hunk expected. “No. Don't apologize. I miss them, but...” A sigh, and Hunk's heart broke at the sound. “I've missed them for a long time, and that won't ever change. I... was just happy to know you still wanted me around.”

Hunk sniffed, never good at keeping his emotions in check at the best of times. “Aww, Lance! I didn't mean it buddy, honest. I meant to sit and talk, or train together, or..”

“Hunk.” Lance started patting his friend's shoulder, rubbing a couple of times. “I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at any of you. I'm... hurt that no one wants me here. But, I'm not surprised, I just... hoped that it would take longer, I guess.”

Hunk frowned, still unhappy that Lance kept insisting he wasn't wanted. “Lance... do you really think we're all... just using you?” He was hoping that it had been emotion talking then, but at the same time, he was certain that was not going to be Lance's answer.

The smile that appeared on Lance's face was small and sad. “Hunk, we're talked about this, you know not to ask me questions you don't want the answer to.” He patted his friend one more time, before standing, moved over to lean against Blue's leg. “It's just like after... what happened with Kara”

Hunk stared shocked. Lance never mentioned Kara, not since the funeral. Lance's younger sister, Kara, had died in a terrible car accident, when Lance was fifteen and had just started driving. He had picked Kara up from a friends, late because he had been working on the set for a drama class play. A drunk driver had run a red light, and hit their car. Kara, had died and Lance ended up in the hospital for two weeks. Hunk knew that Lance had a broken leg, two broken ribs, numerous cuts and a very bad concussion. The part of it that Hunk had never understood was, that Lance's dad had blamed him for the accident happening in the first place. By the time the funeral happened, Lance's dad had convinced the rest of the family and several others that Lance was to blame. Lance had basically lived with Hunk's family until they left for the Garrison after that. Kids at school would whisper and call him names. Some, pretended to be his friend, but were only being nice to him if they wanted something from him, except for Hunk. Lance's mother was the only other one that never blamed him. That was why Lance was so insecure, why he talked and joked to keep his mood up. That was why, when things went wrong, Lance always blamed himself.

Hunk had actually thought for a while that Lance was getting better. Mostly because his friend was generally pretty quick to blame Keith for things, at least at the Garrison. Lance even blamed Keith for not making Fighter Class, even though that was because he had skipped the qualification test for Hunk. Hunk was the one who had pointed that out, and Lance had replied that it was still Keith's fault for being distracting and pretty. Hunk had teased Lance about his crush for months.

Lance shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, staring up at Blue. “So, I would try to convince myself that it was all in my head, you know? They didn't know, so it couldn't have been that. I was... thinking myself into a corner, like mom always tells me. But... then it kept happening, and... I couldn't pretend anymore. I gave up trying. I'm never going to be what they want.” He shrugged. “Blue needs me, and that's what I need to worry about...”

Hunk watched with watery eyes as Lance started shaking slightly, eyes fixed on his lion like she could fix everything. He wanted to hug him again, but that wasn't what Lance needed. He'd already said, Lance needed to sort himself. To work it all out to someone that knew the whole story. Then, when Lance had decided, _then_ Hunk would hug him.

Apparently, Blue disagreed with this, ash her head lowered, and she purred at Lance, putting her nose right next to him.

“So.. I can't care anymore, if Pidge thinks I'm an idiot... I can't care that Shiro and Allura think I'm annoying. I.. I can't worry about measuring up to the old paladins for Coran... I.. can't hold onto my....” He turned his face to Blue and his voice got softer. “ _stupid_ pointless crush on Keith... I can't... worry about those things and be the paladin that Blue needs... Be the friend... that you need... So, I have to let them go.” Lance raised his eyes and met Hunk's. “I just.. have to tell them about Kara... Tell them to stop trying to make me better.” Lance sniffed, and Hunk immediately copied the action. “I don't... I don't know what they will say, Hunk... They may not want me here anymore... but I'm here... until Blue wants me to go...”

Hunk was openly crying now, for his friend, for how alone he felt. He didn't believe that the others would want Lance to leave. He didn't want Lance to leave. He wanted his friend to feel like he was needed. Because, Lance was needed, his friend just couldn't see it. But Hunk could. He knew that the team needed Lance. Not just to be a soft voice to sleep to, or a friendly ear for a story. They needed Lance to be _Lance_. To be a mostly normal person, who always knew when to toss out a joke. Who always, _always_ did whatever a friend needed. Lance, who had jumped in front of an explosion for Coran, had shot the enemy while gravely injured to save Keith, who acted a fool when Pidge admitted their secrets to keep the situation from being awkward, who spent countless nights awake because that was what Shiro needed. Lance who, _gave_ so much... Now it was Hunk's turn do whatever he had to for Lance. Just like all the times, Lance had done the same.

Hunk didn't even care that Blue growled softly when Hunk jumped up and hugged Lance. He was going to hug his friend no matter what. He would sit with him, when he told Shiro. He would argue with Pidge when they called Lance out on his goofy antics. He would glare at Keith and Allura when they commented on Lance's skills. Hunk would train with Lance, spend time with him. Hunk was going to get Lance through this.


	9. Keith... and Coran

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith's reaction to the conversation he eavesdropped on. He learns he was not the only one listening in,and makes a few decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is 11:20 at night, but I did make my promised weekend update. Apparently, the big scary ice storm that people were calling Ice-pocalyspe... ended up being rain. .-. 
> 
> This chapter is mostly Keith, but I hope you all enjoy it. :) I would love to know what you all think. Thank you all for reading!

Keith was pretty sure he should feel at least slightly bad for spying on his teammates like he was. This was likely something very personal and private, something that could only be shared with a truly close friend. But, Keith didn't care. He _needed_ to understand what was going on, even if he couldn't explain why he needed to know.

Fortunately, it had been very easy to slip into the observation room, and thanks to the communicators that were in almost every room in the castle, it was also very easy to hear almost every word that was said in the hangar.

Hearing the way Lance explained it, Keith could see,in a way, why Lance thought the way he did. Keith had felt the same at some of his foster homes. Feeling unwanted was terrible and Keith wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially not on a teammate.. no friend. That regret from before came back, sharp and almost painful.

It was eased some by hearing Hunk talk about how he met Lance. It was easy to picture, and completely Lance. Oddly though, hearing Hunk's story, made Keith feel slightly angry, too. How could Hunk of all people, who was nice to practically _everyone_ , who shared so much with Lance, treat his friend so badly and then be _instantly_ forgiven for it? No.. what had Lance said before? _'It's not like this is your guys fault.'_ So, Lance honestly didn't blame any of them? But, that didn't make sense.

Keith just barely caught the end of Hunk's list, his _'even when our families don't'_ sending warning bells in Keith mind. Lance loved his family. He was always missing them. He listened, shocked as Lance cried. Stayed shocked when Lance insisted again that it wasn't their fault. Was absolutely prepared to go right back to the hangar and do whatever it took to convince Lance that Blue wasn't the only one that needed him here.

It was the last part that kept Keith still. He didn't even get the chance to process the fact that Lance had a _crush_ on _him_ before Lance was explaining how he was going to let it all go. Let those feelings go, not care what the team thought of him, to let Keith go. That wasn't right, Lance didn't just give up on anything!

“So, he's decided then. Brave, that boy.”

Keith spun around so fast that he almost fell out of the chair. There was Coran, hands clasped behind his back, standing just inside the door. “C-Coran! How... How long have you been here?”

“Yes.. well not as long as you have.” Coran sniffed, turning his head toward the glass, watching Hunk hug Lance. “Long enough to know just how much we have wronged that boy... And to long enough to know that if that is the decision Lance has made, I shall respect it.”

Keith jerked out of the chair. “How can you say that? You want him to just give up on all of us?” The very idea made Keith's brain actually focus instead of circling around the thought that Lance _liked_ him.

Coran's hand came up and he fiddled with the end of his mustache. “Keith, I do not want Lance to give up on us, no. But, I will respect his decisions. If he no longer wishes to spent time with me, and no longer wants to hear my stories, I will not force them upon him. I will miss the boy, miss his company and bright smile. However, I was unaware that my stories only made him sad. I wished to inspire him with the tales and adventures of the previous paladins. Instead, I made him feel that he was not... up to par, as I have heard you say.” Coran's expression was somber. “I respect Lance, not simply as the Blue Paladin but as a cheerful young man who reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger. I respect him as the sad boy who still pushed me out of the way of an explosion that likely would have killed me. I would rather miss his company and be sad myself than to bring him more sorrow.”

Keith stared, confused and unhappy. “But... that isn't any better. We should include him more, make sure he knows he's part of the team. Won't that fix things?”

Coran shook his head. “I don't believe you understand.” Coran took a couple of steps closer to the glass, watching as Hunk coaxed Lance out of the hangar. “That will work for Hunk, but they have years of history. Whatever it is that Lance has decided to tell us... he is convinced that we will abandon him because of it. While I doubt that it will be true in my case, I cannot speak for everyone. My point is, he has decided that his duty as a paladin is more important.”

Keith didn't really get it, but then Coran usually seemed to talk like they already knew what he was trying to say. “You're right, I don't understand.”

“Voltron is about working as a seamless unit. You know this, yes?” Coran only waited for Keith to nod before he went on. “Consider then if one does not feel part of the unit. Nothing is in sync, it should be impossible to form Voltron. Yet, Lance has been acting oddly for quite some time, and you have still managed to work together well enough to form Voltron several times since then. Lance has been doing everything he can to keep his sorrow and feelings out of the way of our battles. It should not be possible, yet, Lance has managed this, for the good of our team. How can we do any less? He knows at this point how hard that will be on him.. yet, he has decided to do so anyway.”

That... made more sense. Lance has been putting himself to the side so that the team could defeat the Galra. They should be able to do the same, but it didn't sit right with Keith. How long has Lance felt like he had to do that in order to fit in? He had mentioned to Hunk that he knew eventually the team would tire of him. What had happened to make someone like Lance, who laughed and made jokes about literally everything, be so certain that everyone would leave him at some point? What had happened to make it okay to just give up on everything? Even his.. feelings?

Keith shook his head. “I get what you mean, Coran... but I can't do that.” He ignored the older man's frown. “I'm sorry, but I can't. I can't just let Lance give up on everything.” Keith knew better than most what it was like to have to give up on things. He was told all the time to just let stuff go to just forget like nothing mattered. Forget about the bad foster homes that had made him so distrusting, just let that go. Forget that his friend was missing, just believe the story. Keith couldn't do that anymore. He didn't want Lance to let them all go, to forget about their competitions, and arguments... forget that he apparently had feelings for Keith.

That made Keith stop, and miss what Coran was saying. Lance, loud, talkative Lance, had feelings for Keith... and... apparently Keith did not want Lance to let that go. But why? Keith had never thought of Lance that way, had he? Yes, he had noticed that Lance was pretty, but then again, Keith had seen a lot of pretty people and never really cared. People had even admitted crushes to him before and he hadn't given them a second thought beyond, _'Thanks but no thanks.'_ So why was it that he didn't like the idea of Lance just letting go of those feelings, why did the fact that Lance called those feeling stupid and pointless bother him so much? Shouldn't he want Lance to do so? But... Keith liked spending time with Lance, he liked that they felt like equals, he liked the fact that Lance always had something for them to do together, even if it was just a silly competition... Keith liked Lance. Oh... _Oh..._ Keith liked Lance... apparently had for a while, and never realized it himself. Now though, it was obvious. No wonder it had been so easy to talk to him before, with both their guards down. It made sense now, why Keith had been so offended that Lance couldn't remember their bonding moment and why Lance spending so much time alone and made Keith so distracted that he couldn't even train properly. What was he going to do now? He couldn't just go up to Lance and admit that he liked him, not with Lance determined that giving up on all of it was his only choice. Not with Lance so convinced that they all just used him. Keith felt almost sick now at the thought.

“Keith? Are you all right, my boy?” Coran's words finally made it through and Keith blinked.

“Yeah... I just.. figured out a couple of things.” Big things, but he was not going to tell Coran that. The man could not keep a secret at all. “Coran.. I know you want to respect Lance's choice, and I understand that... But I can't. I can't let him keep thinking we're only using him.” Not anymore. Yes, he would still probably criticize during training, but he would also offer tips to make it better. He'd spend more time with Lance just talking. Keith will ask Lance to help him bond better with Red. Maybe... Keith could even think up some of his own challenges for Lance. Hunk had told Lance he would be there no matter what and Keith was going to be right there too. He was not going to let Lance give up on anything. Not the team, not himself, and not his feelings.

He left the observation deck, fully intent on tracking down Hunk and Lance, completely missing Coran's knowing smile.

 

*********

 

Keith caught Hunk and Lance down the hall from Shiro's room. For a brief second, he considered letting the two go and talk to Shiro first. After all, how could he just announce his decision, without telling them that he had been listening to their whole conversation. Still that didn't exactly stop him from calling out. “Hey, Lance! Hunk!” He didn't like the slight flinch Lance gave, but he pretended like he hadn't seen it. Instead, he sped up a bit so he could walk with them.

“Hi.” Lance's greeting was short and to the point. Keith didn't like it, but he knew why.

“Oh, Keith... Did you need something?” Hunk had one arm looped over Lance's shoulders, in a perfect copy of Lance's usual action. Hunk's tone was wary, and Keith completely understood it.

He shoved his hands into his pockets, keeping on Lance's left side. He had absolutely no plan, but Keith always worked best in instinct. “Well, before we ran into Pidge, Lance and I were going to do some training. I know it's too late to do it now, but I thought we could go a few rounds before breakfast. Would you like to join us, Hunk?” While Keith would prefer to train with just Lance, like they had planned, he didn't want to accidentally alienate Hunk, like they had to Lance. Keith was not going to make that mistake again.

Lance frowned slightly. “I don't remember... Oh, yeah... we were.” He looked uncomfortable, shoulders tense, and he wouldn't look at Keith.

Hunk, after a minute of watching the two, shrugged. “If Lance wants to, then sure.”

Keith's eyes met Hunk's and he understood immediately. Hunk was placing himself on Lance's side. He'd agree, but he was making it Lance's choice.

Lance bit his lower lip, completely missing the way both Hunk and Keith frowned at the action. “I...” He glanced at Shiro's door, then finally at Keith. “I don't think you will want to later.” His tone was honest, like he was stating a fact. Then his head tilted slightly. “But... if you do then... okay.”

Keith sent a silent thank you to Blue. Lance always tilted his head when he talked to her away from the hangar, so Keith was certain he had her to thank for the agreement. “Good, then I'll see you both at 0500 Castle Time.” He clapped Lance on the shoulder, nodded to Hunk and headed off, waiting until the two were in Shiro's room before going back. He'd already listened to one conversation tonight, and there was no way he was going to miss this one.


	10. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Hunk there for support, Lance tells Shiro his story, without knowing that Allura, Pidge and Keith were listening the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh My Gosh! This chapter is huge. Over 6000 words. There are also several POVs which are divided by ** and flashbacks, which are entirely in italics. I hope that this is not too confusing for you wonderful readers, but I feel that it was needed for this chapter. There is.. a lot of information here. 
> 
>  
> 
> Please, if you have time... Let me know what you think. I tried very hard to use my words and work on my descriptions.

Keith had barely settled on the floor near the door, when he looked up to see both Pidge and Allura. He made a shushing motion before they could give him away. “Lance and Hunk are talking to Shiro now.” He whispered., watching while Allura sighed and Pidge shrugged, settling down on the floor.

Pidge adjusted their glasses slightly, smirking when Allura scowled but joined them. “Coran told us about the hangar. I figured you'd be here.” Their voice was also low, something Keith was thankful for. “I want to know what's going on.”

“This is very invasive, we should all go and rest instead of invading Lance's privacy.” Allura huffed a bit, but made no move to actually get up.

Keith watched as Pidge just grinned wider. He leaned slightly closer to the door, the words surprisingly easy to hear. Keith idly wondered if Pidge was the reason for that, before he started focusing on the story that was being told.

 

*********

 

When Lance and Hunk first entered his room, he was actually hopeful that it was still just a misunderstanding and that Hunk had sorted everything out. That feeling lasted only until both settled on the floor, Hunk sticking very close. Shiro knew then, that this was not going to be a good talk.

Hunk spoke up first. “Sorry about earlier, Shiro. But, we had to talk about a couple of important things before Lance was ready to share them with you.” His tone was oddly somber, and it was plain that he would be staying for the talk.

“That's fine, we all have to clear our heads every now and then.” He really didn't know how to start this talk. He wanted to ask Lance so many things. Like, why he felt this was all his fault, why he thought that this whole thing happened because Lance was unlikable. Why Blue had acted the way she did... But, he honestly wasn't sure where to start.

“I have a lot to explain.” Lance's voice was steady but blank. It made Shiro nervous. “Honestly, I don't really want to, but you need to know.” Lance bit his lip, and Shiro could see signs that he had been doing it often, it looked torn and red, something Lance normally would have a fit over.

He wanted to try and let Lance know that he wanted to listen, that he could tell Shiro whatever he needed to and Shiro would do what he could to help. “If that's what you need Lance, then I'll listen.” He glanced at Hunk, but the other man was frowning. “I'll do what I can to help.” He didn't really like the way it sounded, but it was the best he could do with so little information.

Lance sighed, looking at Hunk and getting an instant smile and a nod. “I do need a couple of things... but I should explain first.” His hands curled into his jacket, knuckles going white, and Shiro's worry grew. “But...” Lance's tone softened, and his eyes were fixed on the floor. “Once, I start.. I..” Another glance at Hunk and another immediate nod. “I need to tell the whole story at once, if I stop... I won't be able to finish. Okay?”

It was that last word that convinced Shiro. It wasn't the slightly off blank tone Lance had been using. That word was pleading, and Shiro agreed immediately. He hated seeing his team upset. It didn't matter if it was Keith, who was more like a brother, or Pidge who was so young but trying to always be strong, or even Allura, who had looked so broken after what happened to the memory tank. If Lance needed him to sit there and listen before asking any questions, then that was exactly what Shiro was going to do.

 

*********

 

Lance absolutely did not want to tell Shiro about Kara. He hadn't spoken about the accident since after the funeral, and mentioning it was the fastest and most effective way to get Lance to be silent. But, he had to tell Shiro, for the team. It didn't matter that Lance wasn't a true part of that team, because Blue was. He didn't want Blue growling at the others, they would start to distrust her and that would be bad for Voltron. Lance wasn't stupid, he knew how important what they were doing was. Blue needed a strong Paladin, and if that meant telling Shiro then, Lance was going to tell him.

He was nervous though, and wasn't sure where to start. He was glad that Hunk was there, but he really wanted Blue, to sit in her cockpit, surrounded by her warmth and constant acceptance. **_'I'm here...'_ ** Lance took a deep breath, held it for a moment and slowly let it out, gathering what courage he had left. **_'I'm here, My Paladin. I will not leave you.'_ ** Without raising his eyes, he started to talk.

 

 

_It happened on a warm night in late September, on a Thursday. Thursdays were always extra busy for Lance. Since both his parents worked, it was Lance's job as the oldest to make sure his two younger sisters got to school on time, something that had gotten much easier since he had started driving just a month before. Kara was ten, while Hannah was eight. He would drop them off, in the beaten old car he had spent months saving for, then go to school himself, usually staying late to work on the set for a play that the Drama Class was going to produce. Lance had started doing it as a way to kill time while Hunk was in a cooking class, but he had enjoyed it so he kept on._

_Lance had stayed late, as usual, but had gotten a call from his mother to pick up Kara from a friends house on his way home. At the time, Lance hadn't minded, as the weather was clear. He had picked up his sister, and had started home. He had stopped at a red light, listening to Kara's talk about her day. The light had turned green, and he had started moving again, when there was a screech, a pair of headlights and crunching sound before everything went blank._

_There was a buzzing sound, but it wasn’t continuous, it kept starting and stopping. Voices? There was something sticky above his left eye, he could feel it dripping slowly down the side of his face. Pain came next, sharp, especially his leg. It hurt to breathe. Lance got his right eye open, but it took several blinks before he could see anything. It was still dark, but with red and blue lights flickering at the edges of his vision. Shadows kept moving in and out of his vision, blocking the lights, and making him dizzy. His mouth was dry, and he took a breath, immediately hissing out a small sound._

_“...lay still. You’ve ……  accident.” The voice was male, but Lance only understood some of the words. There was something stiff around his neck, and he couldn’t turn to see who the voice belonged to. He took a few blinks, before he registered the voice again. “...name? What’s… ..name?” Name? What? How would he know the man’s name? Lance wasn’t even sure why the man was talking to him. He wasn’t sure how long he thought trying to figure out who the man was before he caught more words. “...your name?”_

_Oh. He tried to lick his lips, but it took almost a full minute before he managed to get his mouth to work right. “Lance..” Talking actually hurt more than breathing did. He didn’t remember talking ever hurting this much. Wait, the voice wanted his name. His mama would be ashamed if he didn’t introduce himself properly. She always hated it when someone was rude. That clear thought helped him give a better answer. “Lance Sanchez…” He coughed at the end and pain exploded in his chest._

_Lance had no idea how much time he lost, trying to catch his breath. The voice was buzzing at his ears, but he had no idea what it was saying, and what little he could see was slightly gray at the edges. When the pain finally started to fade, Lance realized that he was swaying slightly. Was he moving? No, his leg hurt too much to even think of walking anywhere. The last thing he wanted to do again right then was talk, so he settled for looking around as best he could. He was so confused. One of the red lights flashed off something, and he shifted his head, just a bit to see. That thing was still stiff around his neck, but his whole world turned and he saw it. It was his car. The windshield was broken, and the back half was completely crumpled. Another car, silver and shiny was very close to it. For several minutes, Lance still didn’t understand, until he saw the small sheet covered shape that was on the ground near the car, several people in uniforms standing around it._

_It clicked then, the high screeching sound, the crunch and a single scream all seemed to echo in his mind. Kara. His sister was with him. He had to get to her, make sure she was okay. He had to look out for her! He was her brother! Was she okay? Lance had no idea that he was trying to get off the stretcher he was in, or that he was screaming every single thought that was running through his mind. He didn’t notice the EMT’s scrambling to keep him still, or feel the pain in his chest or leg. He just had to get to his sister. That was the last thing he could think of as his vision swam, and he passed out._

 

*********

 

Shiro had watched as Lance took a breath and slowly let it out. He had planned on listening patiently, and and sworn he would look as supportive as possible while Lance explained whatever it was that he needed to say. That lasted until Lance started to speak. The story started normally enough, but Lance’s voice was strange. It wasn’t the stiff, blank tone that he had used so often recently, and it wasn’t the pleading one from just a moment ago. It was shattered. There was no other word that fit. The story started normally enough, but as Lance went on, Shiro’s heart dropped. Hunk was looking almost sick, but also expectant, like there was something worse in store. Shiro really hoped that the team would get through this… that _Lance_ would get through this.

When Lance paused in his story, Shiro had started to speak but Hunk’s vehement shake of his head, stopped the words. The way Lance was talking, it was plain that the time right after the accident wasn’t very clear. Shiro figured he probably had a concussion, he’d had enough of them himself to know what they sounded like. The worst part of the whole thing, aside from that horrible tone was the fact that even though Lance was shaking slightly, his eyes were dry. Even as he talked about his panic for his sister, not a single tear was visible. Shiro didn’t like it.

 

*********

 

Lance had to take a minute to breathe before he could keep going. He didn’t actually remember the accident at all, and everything after was jumbled, but he always remembered that feeling of terror when he realized his sister was with him. That part was always crystal clear, like it had happened only moments ago. But this wasn’t the hard part… not yet. He clenched his hands tightly, letting his nails dig into his palms just a bit. Grounding himself in the here and now. He could do it. He had to, and so, he kept going.

 

 

_It was a beeping that woke him up. It was a steady, rhythmic sound, and it almost soothed him back to sleep. But, his mind was working this time, and he jerked upward, and almost immediately doubled over, groaning. As he worked on getting his breath back, he looked around the empty hospital room. It was clean and had the slight chemical smell that all hospitals have. There were no sign of the flowers and such that Lance had always seen in hospital rooms on TV, but maybe they weren’t allowed here. He only remembered being in a hospital once, when Hannah was born, so he wasn’t an expert. But it was also empty, and that was something Lance couldn’t quite understand. His mama never left her kids alone when they were hurt or sick, but then, maybe they were with Kara. He could understand them being with his sister, she was younger than he was. Lance was okay. He was okay._

_He had just started to poke at the cast that covered his right leg from the ankle to knee, when the door opened. There they were. Both his mama and his dad. Lance had no idea what time it actually was, but they both looked tired. “Mama…”_

_She rushed into the room, settling on his bed and holding the hand that did not have an IV in it. “Oh, Lance. I’ve been so worried. The police called us and..” Her eyes, dark brown, were watery, and she clung to his hand while she wiped at her face._

_“They told us about the wreck.” Lance’s dad was still near the foot of the bed, but that was normal. Lance’s mom was the nurturing one. If  you needed a hug, or a good meal and a talk, you went to her. Lance’s dad was always the problem solver. If you were in trouble, or needed help, you went to him._

_“Kara? How is she? I.. don’t remember seeing her after… but.. It’s really fuzzy and confusing…”_

_“You did hit your head rather hard, dear.” Lance watched as his mama took deep breath. “The accident was three hours ago. You’ve been.. asleep.” She patted his hand, then shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I… I can’t…”_

_Lance looked to his father. Saw his hands clench, his eyes close, and then his mouth moved. It took several minutes for the words to filter. “Kara...didn’t make it.”_

_Lance blinked. It was really all he could do for a moment. His sister was dead? “No… No nonononono” Not Kara. She was their… sunshine. Always happy and laughing, telling silly stories and bragging that she was going to be the best veterinarian on the planet. Lance was goofy one, Hannah was the princess but Kara was the sunshine. She could cheer any of them up with her big smile, and her stories. “No..” Lance had no idea he was even crying until warm, slightly rough hands started moving over his cheeks, wiping at his tears._

_“Shh… shh. You have to relax, Lance. Shh…” Lance couldn’t stop though. He kept crying, not caring that his ribs were hurting, or that he had buried his head in his mama’s shoulder, like a child. He couldn’t get Kara’s happy face from the night before out of his mind. He curled a bit more, letting her voice and arms soothe him until the tears finally stopped._

_“Come now, Miche. We… have to go… We.. need to tell the family.” Lance couldn’t remember ever hearing his dad’s voice break. But that didn’t matter now, not with Kara... gone. “Lance is an adult. He does not need us hovering.” Lance looked up, surprised at the harsh look his dad had._

_“Just a moment, David” Again, Lance was surprised. She sounded even sadder than she had a minute ago. But then she hugged him, and Lance clung to her. There was nothing, absolutely nothing better than a hug from your mother when you were down. He kept expecting to feel his dad on the other side, but it never happened. When his mama released him, she kissed his forehead lightly. “I will see you soon, dear. Rest for now. I love you.” She squeezed his hand again._

_“Yes, you should rest now.” David took a step closer, helping his wife up, and leading her out of the room despite her quiet protests. Again, Lance was really confused. They just got here, and they had to leave, already? But.. Kara did come first. Of course, they had to tell the family. His dad was right,Lance was almost an adult. He could handle sitting in the hospital alone. He’d be okay._

 

 

Lance blinked a couple times, make sure to keep his voice as steady as possible. This was the hard part. He knew that this would be the final straw that would make Shiro tell him he wasn’t needed anymore. Lance couldn’t leave, no matter how much Shiro or the others may want him to. He had promised Blue he would stay as long as Blue wanted him. Lance was a lot of things, few of them any good, but he did not break a promise. He’d keep his distance, do whatever it took for the others to agree, but he could not leave Blue. He could feel her, warm and comforting. He always felt her now, and he prayed that would never change. He glanced over at Hunk, who nodded at him. He turned back to Shiro, who looked like he really wanted to say something, so Lance started talking again. He could this. Then he would be okay. Lance was always okay.

 

 

_The doctor didn’t want to release Lance for his sister’s funeral. With the broken leg, he needed crutches, but they were difficult to use with the broken ribs, but Lance told everyone that he would crawl there if he had to. So reluctantly, and under strict orders to not walk any more than he absolutely had to, Lance was allowed to go._

_It was his grandfather that picked Lance up from the hospital. The two had always gotten along very well, but the car ride to the funeral was silent. Again, Lance understood. This was not a day for cheer and jokes. What he hadn’t expected, was that when they arrived, his grandfather had gotten out of the car, straightened his tie, and walked into the church without a single glance or offer to help. It hurt, knowing that his grandfather was so upset about Kara, that he didn’t even lend an arm out of the car. But, it was alright, Lance understood. It was okay._

_It took a while for Lance to get out of the car and into the church. His shoes squeaked on the smooth polished floor, and he was outright shocked at the many dark looks he got. He hadn’t done it on purpose. He knew better than to cause any kind of problem in a church,_ **_especially_ ** _today._

_He hadn’t taken more than a couple very careful steps when a hand wrapped around his upper arm, and dragged him back toward the main door. Completely lost, Lance went with it, because again, you did not cause problems in church. When they stopped, just inside the doors, Lance looked up to his dad’s furious face._

_“Dad?” He had kept his voice low, because again, church, but froze as his dad looked even angrier._

_“Do not call me that. You have no right.” The words were low, and furious. Lance winced at how tight the hand on his arm was. “You killed my child. I can’t even stand to look at you. I told everyone what you did. How you let her die. It should have been_ **_you_ ** _.” The last word was said with such hate that it was like being stabbed with a knife._

_“But… I…”_

_“Silence. The only reason I’m allowing you here is because Michelle insisted. After today, you are no longer my son, no longer part of this family. You will no longer use our family name. Michelle won’t let me just throw you out, the Lord only knows why, but I do not want to see you again. I don’t care how you do it, but you will be invisible until you finish school, then you will disappear and never come back. You will not eat with us, you will not spend any time with us, and I don’t want to hear that you have even_ **_thought_ ** _about Hannah. None of the family wants you here. You’re a murderer.” The voice stayed low, never louder than a whisper but Lance almost wished that he was being yelled at. It would have been better than these cold, furious words. “I will hate you until the day I die. You destroyed this family, and none of us will ever forgive you.” Lance was pushed away, not hard enough that he would fall over, but enough to insure the message was clear. Then without so much as a backward glance, Lance’s dad… no.. David Sanchez walked away._

_Lance had stood there for several minutes, shocked, as three cousins and an aunt shoved past him with hateful looks. They… really didn’t want him there. They...actually believed he had killed Kara? He would never do anything like that! Kara was his sister, he loved her! But… he didn’t actually remember the accident did he? He remembered the scream, the crunch of metal, but not what actually happened, and everything afterward was so blurry and confusing… Maybe.. He had? No.. But, if he hadn’t then why would his… David say he had? Then, did they know something Lance didn’t? Heartbroken, Lance decided that the best thing he could do was just go back to the hospital. His….David wasn’t a liar… so… it must have been Lance’s fault.. And if that was true, he didn’t deserve to be here._

_It took him three hours to walk back to the hospital, mostly because he had to stop so often to catch his breath and rest along the way. The entire way there, all he could think of was the look on his dad.. Stop it Lance… David’s face. A face that had been angry, happy, and tired, but never hateful. But there, in the church, Lance knew that David hated him. His family.. No.. that family, hated him. They wouldn’t just hate him for no reason. People didn’t do that. They didn’t love you for your entire life and then just change their minds with no cause or reason. That meant… Lance had killed his sister. He… deserved it… It was all his fault. Lance killed his sister, and lost his entire family as a result. No more jokes with his Grandfather, or forts built with his cousins and sisters… No more late nights talking to his dad about being a pilot...or midnight ice cream dates with his mama… What was he going to do now? He would do whatever he had to. It was an oddly easy decision to make. He would do exactly what David had ordered him to do. He would be invisible, then, he would disappear. He would never be happy, no, people like Lance didn’t deserve that. But.. he’d be okay… He could manage okay. He just… had to believe it._

 

*********

 

The hallway was completely silent as the three just listened to the steady stream of words from inside the room. It wasn’t easy to listen to, hearing that broken voice narrate such a terrible accident. But for Keith, it was the resigned acceptance in Lance’s voice as he stated so simply the coolness of his father in the hospital, and then the hate filled words right before the funeral that made it worse. Lance actually believed what his dad had told him. That it was all his fault. No wonder he had blamed himself for everything.

Keith glanced over at Allura, who was staring steadily at Shiro’s door, with tears in her eyes. He could get that. Allura had lost her father, twice, and her entire race. She could relate to Lance losing his sister. He turned then to Pidge, oddly satisfied to see the frown on their face. They were the most vocal in their disapproval of Lance’s antics, although Keith had made more than enough remarks on his own. The difference was, he had reached out. He had tried to help Lance, true it had been more for the team at first, but it was different now. He had realized something important, and learned something else equally important. He had plans now, to help Lance, not for the team but _for_ Lance, and maybe himself in the end as well. Pidge hadn’t really tried yet. Keith was instinct and feelings. Pidge though, was rationality and science. Maybe learning Lance's reasons, would help Pidge be able to bridge that gap that they all had with Lance.

Then Lance started talking again, and Keith saw red. How? How could anyone _do_ something like that? At the funeral of their _own_ child?? To their _other_ child? Keith had never wanted to punch anyone more than he did Lance's father. He didn't exactly have great family memories, but he had Shiro... and the rest of the team. They were all family now, and Keith could not imagine anything that would make him just... throw one of them away. And if he had to hear Lance say that he was okay, _one more time_ …. Okay was not good enough. Lance needed to be _happy_.

His hands curled into fists, and he barely registered Pidge's gasp or Allura's sniffs. He was completely focused on Lance's voice, how it never wavered, even as he described watching his family... former family, mourn his sister, while blaming him. Keith knew that feeling. Being separate from everyone, alone. He hated it, he was used to it, but he still hated it. Knowing that Lance had been through the same... Never again. Keith knew how he felt now. He knew how Lance felt. He was going to make sure that if nothing else, Lance knew that Keith was going to be there.

 

*********

 

Shiro was going to be sick. He had seen many horrible things in his life, not just during his time with the Galra either. Sometimes, there was nothing in the universe more cruel than a fellow human. But, to hear _this_ … To hear that a father was capable of being beyond cruel to his son… was beyond anything Shiro could imagine. Lance had lost everything with one accident.

Oh, Shiro understood now. Lance’s comments about being unlikeable, how it was all his fault. He honestly believed that. He wasn’t just saying words, Lance _meant_ it when he claimed he was at fault. But… What did any of this have to do with Lance thinking that the team had used him? Shiro still didn’t understand that. He could see how they had, in a way. Lance had been right when he said that Shiro never spent any time with him. Pidge had been right as well, they didn’t exactly tell Lance when he did well. So he could understand why Lance felt that way. But… he seemed like he expected it. That couldn’t be right, no one actually expected people to use them… did they?

Hunk drew his attention then, putting one hand on Lance’s shoulder, not rubbing just leaving it there. “It’s okay, buddy. Just a little more. You can do it.”

There was more? Surely not. Wasn’t that enough? Shiro’s heart sank then, when Lance nodded, took a breath and started talking again.

 

*********

 

Hunk was right. Just a little more and then he could go curl up in Blue and let her soothe him.  He would tell how it was after, with the whispers and the taunts. Then he would explain what he needed to do. He had to let it all go. That was the only way. He nodded at Hunk, raised his head and fixed his eyes on the wall just over Shiro’s left shoulder, that he had stared at this entire time, and finished his story.

 

 

_Lance ended up spending a total of two weeks in the hospital. The cast on his leg stayed on for several weeks, before he was able to exchange it for a brace. But, Lance did not go home. Three days before he left the hospital, he called Hunk. Hunk was the only person that tried to call, or wanted to visit. Lance had refused all attempts, but he had wanted to have at least one more good visit with his friend before he decided what he was going to do._

_When Hunk had arrived, Lance took one look at the warm smile, and the little tupperware container of cookies and threw himself off his bed, heedless of his leg or ribs and just hugged his friend with all he had. He still had one! He still had Hunk… But… What if it was just because Hunk didn’t know? Lance hugged him tighter before abruptly letting go, slumping a bit onto his bed. If Hunk didn’t know… then Lance needed to tell him. He couldn’t keep things from Hunk, they had been friends for too long._

_So, Lance told Hunk everything. From the accident, to waking up in the hospital, to the funeral. Then he sat there and let Hunk cry all over him. When Hunk was done, Lance actually asked him if he agreed with David. Hunk had started to cry all over again. What Lance hadn’t prepared for though, was what Hunk said after he calmed down._

_“You are my best friend. Nothing can change that. It wasn’t your fault Lance.”_

_Lance had stared at his friend. He wanted to cry, but tears were meant to be shared with family. You didn’t share them with anyone else… but Lance didn’t have a family anymore… so he couldn’t let himself cry. Instead, he smiled, small and weak, but it was still a smile, and it was the only thing he could give to his friend. The last one he had left. Then, Hunk asked a question that Lance was hoping not to have to answer._

_“So.. what are you going to do?”_

_Lance had taken a slow breath, raised his head, and whispered his answer. “I don’t know. He said that… Ma..Michelle wouldn’t let him throw me out.. But, I can’t go home. Maybe.. I can stay at a shelter….”_

_“No way! Let me talk to Ma, and Mum. They love you, Lance! You can stay with me!” That offer had been so Hunk, giving everything to people he cared about, but Lance wasn’t going to take anything for granted anymore. He hadn’t ever thought his family would disown him either. There was no way someone else’s parents, no matter how nice they were, could care about him more than his own family did._

_Lance had been wrong. The next day, Hunk and both his mother’s showed up, bustling around, and talking to him like nothing had changed. Lance couldn’t believe it when Hunks mum, a short and very stout woman named Susan, had patted one of his cheeks, and firmly told him that all three of them would pick him up tomorrow when he was released. Lance was staying with them._

_Finding a sort-of home with Hunk’s family was probably the only good point about the entire thing. Hunk had even called Lance’s mama, and asked if he could pick up Lance’s things. She had immediately agreed and told Hunk repeatedly, that she wanted to talk to her son the moment he was feeling better. Apparently, she was the only one in the family that didn’t blame Lance. That had given Lance some hope, hope that maybe after they had some time to mourn that they would forgive him._

_That hope was dashed the first day that Lance returned to school. The minute, he hobbled into the door, Hunk beside him, that the whispers started. The other kids, stared or looked away, but all of them whispered about how Lance had killed his sister. Hunk had glared at anyone that talked too loud, but, for all his size, everyone knew that Hunk was more of a teddy bear than a grizzly. Lance would have been okay if it had just been whispers. But it didn’t stop there. The comments and laughter came next. ‘Hey Lance! Kill anyone today?’ was the most popular, and never failed to cause laughter. Again, Lance would have been okay, if that had been all, but the worst part, was caused by a simple science class lab project._

_The whole class had been split into groups of four, and surprisingly, the ones that were chose to be in Lance’s group didn’t tease him. Instead, they just started dividing up the work for the project. Lance didn’t even mind that he ended up with most of the work, because, these three were actually including him. So, he put his whole effort into the project, which ended up getting all four of them a very good grade. But when Lance had tried to ask one of them a question the day after the project was done, the girl had laughed in his face, that she had just wanted a good grade, why else would she had talked to a murderer. Then it happened again… and again, until finally, Lance just gave up. He started to expect it, after all, what else was he good for? Besides, Lance was okay. He was always okay._

_Things got slightly better at the Garrison. Well.. in a way. There were no jokes about him killing anyone, instead there were jokes about failed sims or piloting mistakes. People still found it easy to be nice to him if they wanted something, but other than Hunk, no one ever stuck around._

 

 

Lance ended it there. Shiro didn’t really need to know any more than that. Besides, Shiro wouldn’t really care, not after hearing that Lance had killed Kara. But, Lance had to finish. He had to tell Shiro about his decision.

“I know that I’ve laid a lot out there, and it will probably take you some time to sort through. But I also have to tell you that, even if you don’t want me here anymore, I can’t go.” He dropped his gaze to his hands, still clenched tightly and Lance forced himself to relax them. “I promised Blue that I would stay with her for as long as she wanted me. I’m a lot of things, Shiro, but I don’t break my promises. I know that I’ve really messed up the team and I am sorry. I never should have lost my temper with you at dinner, and I never should have said what I did. It wasn’t your fault. I think… that the best way to fix the mess I made, is to just let it all go. I need to stop worrying so much about what you all think.” Lance sighed, biting at his lower lip again. **_‘Go ahead, My Paladin. Tell him what you need, then return to me.’_ ** His head tilted, thankful for Blue’s continuous support, and returned to staring at the wall. This way he could see Shiro in his peripheral but he didn’t have to look in his eyes and see the disappointment. “So, from now on, if Pidge feels that I am an idiot, I’m going to politely agree and move on, I won’t waste anymore time arguing with them. That isn’t good for your team.” Lance ignored the frown that appeared on Shiro’s face, and kept going. “I also won’t make Keith angry anymore. No more challenges, no more fights. He doesn’t need that kind of distraction.” Lance took a deep breath. One more, Lance, you can do this. “If you and the Princess feel that I am being a distraction or that I am annoying, then I can limit the time that I spend with the others. You both have a lot more important things to worry about, and I won’t add to it anymore. All I ask… is please, don’t try and make me better anymore. Don’t tell me that I can do more, or try harder. Because I can’t. I won’t ever be better. All I will ever be is this, and... I’m okay with that.” He slumped a bit, partially glad that he was done, and partially resigned to the reaction he was sure, Shiro was going to have.

 

*********

 

Shiro had no words. Not a single word. How could he? He just learned that his teammate, someone he liked but had apparently let down, had been so hurt and used and that… he blamed himself. Shiro could not have found something to say if it would save his life.

The silence stretched on, with Lance unwilling to break it, and Shiro unable to. So when Hunk finally did, Shiro was immediately grateful.

“I think, it’s too late to talk about this anymore. All of us should take a little time, think things over, sleep, and talk about this tomorrow… _after_ breakfast.” Shiro had always considered Hunk to be a genius as a mechanic. But, now, he was convinced that Hunk was a genius concerning Lance too. Given that Shiro had no idea what he should say to Lance, he was willing to take Hunk’s suggestion.

“That… That sounds like a good plan. We can all use some rest.” He tried to catch Lance’s eye, to offer a reassuring nod or smile, something he did to everyone on his team, but Lance was apparently determined not to look Shiro in the eye.

“Okay.” There was no argument, no relieved sigh, not even the furrow of a brow. Lance looked completely passive, which was not how Lance should be. Instead, he stood, waiting patiently while Hunk got up as well.

Shiro watched as Hunk didn’t even hesitate to throw his arm over Lance’s shoulder. It looked almost awkward, since Lance actually had a couple of inches on Hunk now, but Hunk didn’t seem to mind. Instead, he smiled at Shiro. “Good night then. We’ll see you after breakfast.” There was a bit of forced cheer in his voice, as he led Lance toward the door.

When it slid closed behind them, Shiro dropped his head into his hands. He blew that one. He knew it, Lance knew it, probably even the mice knew it. He should have said something. Anything would have been better than nothing at all.

His door slid open again, and Shiro shot up, surprised to see Pidge, Keith and Allura. All of them looked about as happy as Shiro felt. Well, except for Keith. He looked furious. Allura was fiddling with her sleeve, looking oddly hesitant. Pidge, however, never let little things like shame or disapproval stop them. They moved in, plopped unceremoniously on the floor, and looked directly at Shiro.

“We were listening in the hallway. Don’t worry, Lance and Hunk don’t know.”

Part of Shiro wanted to say something about eavesdropping, but he really he wasn’t surprised. Besides, if nothing else, it saved him from explaining it to them all later. “So you heard the whole thing then?”

Keith gritting his teeth and turning to face the wall answered that question.

“Alright then. What do we do about it?”


	11. Tentative Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small steps are taken to help bring Lance back to the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's going to get better now. LOTS of talking in the future. 
> 
> Also.. I had to cut this chapter short. I am sorry but it will be several days before I update this again. My best friend's significant other was taken to the hospital and he is not going to make it. So I have to be there for her and her kids. Since this story is entirely on my computer, I won't be able to work on it. Again, I'm sorry. I hope you all understand.

Keith was done. He was completely done with this entire conversation, and it hadn't even started yet. Honestly, what was there to even talk about? What could they do, that Hunk wasn't already doing, or that Keith was planning to do? Sure, Lance needed all of them, but shouldn't Hunk be here for this? He was Lance's best friend, the one that had stuck with him. Hunk had to know what they should do, so why didn't they just ask him the best way to handle things?

“I'm not sure what we can do, honestly.” Pidge didn't look happy to admit that. “I mean... I know that I can watch what I say. But, honestly, I don't think he'll believe us anytime soon.”

Shiro frowned. “It didn't help that I didn't know what to say after he told me. What do you say to something like that?”

Allura spoke up then. “I admit that I do not completely understand. There were many words used that I am unfamiliar with... So please, do not be offended by my questions.”

“Of course, Princess.” Shiro instantly replied.

“What did Lance mean in his story that he cannot use his family name? On Altea, we only have one name, that we receive after we have been alive for six cycles. Does this mean that Lance is not his birth name?”

Of everything, that was what she wanted to know?? Keith was beyond done now and if Lance didn't need the team, he would walk out right now.

“We have three names.” Pidge pushed their glasses up their nose slightly. “A first name, that is commonly used with friends and family, a middle name and a family name, that tells us who our family is.” Keith was surprised when their voice dropped a bit. “In Lance's story, he said his name was Lance Sanchez... But, when I met him, he said he was Lance McClain.”

Since Allura still looked confused, Shiro added. “It means, Lance had to pick a new last name, because his father threw him out of the family.”

“I see. So Lance does not have a family now.”

That was the last straw.“Of course he does!” Keith spat. “He has Hunk and his family! He has us!” He blew out a breath, furious but with no real way to get it out. “Or he would have us if we hadn't been so stupid.”

Shiro winced, and Keith almost felt bad, but then he remembered how broken Lance had sounded, so he kept going. “He's going to give it all up. Let us go, and Coran is going to let him. So you guys can talk and decide whatever you want. I've got my own ideas.” He shoved off the wall and marched out of the room, ignoring Shiro trying to call him back. Keith didn't care right now what they decided. He needed to talk to Hunk.  
  


 

*********

 

 

Hunk was sitting in Blue's mouth, a bright yellow blanket wrapped around him. He didn't want to leave his friend alone, but, he also didn't want to get in the way of Lance and Blue's bond. He could let Blue do the comforting for now, Hunk would keep watch. So when Keith peeked into the hangar, Hunk immediately got to his feet, moving to meet him near the doors.

“Keith?” He was confused, but mostly wary. Hadn't Keith already said he was going to sleep? Then, why was he still awake? “I thought you went to bed a while ago.”

“Uh.. actually, I need to talk to you.” Rubbing his arm, Keith told Hunk that he had listened to their talk with Shiro, and the one in the hangar. “I just... wanted to understand, and...” A sigh. “I do now. I want to help. Tell me how I can.”

Part of Hunk wanted to be angry. The talk he had with Lance was private, full of things that were very personal. But, he also understood. He better than anyone knew what friends did for each other. Lance showed him that all the time, so just this once, Hunk could forgive him. But... “I don't know...” Normally, Hunk would be happy to give any of his teammates advice, but he had to consider Lance. His friend had to come first now. He frowned a bit. “How do I know that it's not just a short term thing? That next time Lance... does something you don't like that you won't say the same things again?”

Keith looked even more uncomfortable. “Honestly? I will probably still mention things that he could work on.. but, I'm also going to help him work on it. That's why.. I want you to tell me what I can do. I don't want him to give up on us.”

Hunk felt for Keith, he really did. But, Lance... liked Keith. Has liked him for a long time now, and maybe that was... the one thing Lance did need to let go of... Especially if Keith didn't feel the same. “Lance still has a tiny hope that one day, his family will accept him again. He can't really give up on the team. It's not how Lance is.”

“I..” Keith dropped his eyes to study the floor. “I... don't.. want him to give up on me.” The last few words were very soft.

“Why?” Hunk was going to stand firm on this. It was hard, but he was not going to hug Keith. He wasn't. He was going to stand firm.

Keith quietly explained his earlier revelation. “So... I didn't realize it, but I like him too. I like that he makes us all equals... I like that, he doesn't... hold me to a higher standard than everyone else. A lot of people have done that... but he never has... He calls me out when I mess up, we argue but even that is interesting.” Keith looked up then, meeting Hunk's eyes. “I want to punch his dad for what he did. I don't want him to be okay. I... want him to be happy.”

He knew that Keith was bad at expressing himself. So, that went a long way to convincing Hunk that Keith actually meant what he was saying. Truthfully, Hunk was pretty upset at everyone, himself included. He hadn't noticed and he knew the whole story. But, Lance forgave him, so Hunk could give Keith a chance. “Okay. But, it's going to take some time. He isn't going to be the Lance we're used to. We can't just pat his shoulder and tell him how amazing he is. He will never believe it.That's what the kids in school did. They were nice for no reason until they got what they wanted, then they'd drop him. We have to show him that we make mistakes too, and that those mistakes don't matter, because we aren't leaving. So... here's what we do...”

  
  


*********

  
  


Honestly, Shiro isn't sure why he's surprised that Lance was nowhere to be found the next day. All he wanted to do was to explain that Lance's story wouldn't change anything. But Shiro couldn't do that, if he couldn't even find Lance. He'd checked their rooms, the hangar, two observations decks, the control room, Pidge's workshop, the infirmary, and the hangar again, earning himself a growl from Blue. When he finally made it to the kitchen, Hunk was the only one there.

“Have you seen Lance?”

Hunk nodded. “He's in the training room with Keith.” He set the bowls on the table, like he did every morning, but his usual smile was absent.

“So early?” Shiro was surprised. Not only that they were together, and training, but that Hunk had actually left Lance alone with Keith. But, Hunk seemed to know exactly what Lance needed, so Shiro wasn't going to question it.

“Keith asked us both last night to train with him this morning. Apparently, they were going to do it yesterday, but we all know what happened instead. I decided to cook instead, so I'll go down later.” Hunk kept his eyes fixed on the bowls.

It was obvious that Hunk was upset with him, and Shiro figured it was due to his lack of a response from the night before. Hunk was rarely upset and almost never with the team. Shiro shook his head, but stared at Hunk until their eyes finally met. “Listen, I want you to know that...” He trailed off, hearing voices.

“I'll pass thanks.” There was Lance, sounding oddly polite.

“I think it would be fun.” Keith. It's been a long time since he's heard that tone. The last time Shiro heard it, Keith was trying to convince him that breaking into the flight simulator at the Garrison was a great way for extra flying time.

“No, thank you.”

“Don't you think it would be fun though?”

“I don't think the princess will care. She'll just be mad that we took the Lions.”

“It's part of our training. If Blue is faster now, then it would make sense for you and I to partner on missions instead of me and Shiro. Plus, she can fit in more places than Black can. One race, Hunk can time us.” Shiro caught the small smile that Keith's argument brought from Hunk.

A sigh. “Sorry, Keith. I promised Shiro I wouldn't distract you anymore. I don't break promises. Besides, you and Shiro are already great partners. No need to mess that up.” Lance walked into the dining area then, Keith right behind him. Keith had a small frown on his face before it switched to a look of determination. Shiro knew that look. Keith was not going to let this go.

“Good morning.” Shiro made sure to smile when he said it, just like he did every morning. He wanted to show Lance that he was still welcome. Lance didn't even look up. But, like Keith, Shiro wasn't going to give up

“Morning, Lance! Here, try this.” Hunk shoved a bowl into his friend's hands, and nudged him toward a chair. “How was training?”

“Eh.” Lance started his usual poking at the goo with his spoon, looking almost relieved at the familiar ritual. “I missed an easy shot, but Keith managed to finish off the level.”

Keith scowled, and shook his head when Hunk looked over. Shiro felt he was missing something. “You shot his sword out of his hand, Lance. I wouldn't call that a miss. The gladiator would have had me if you hadn't.” Now, Shiro was sure he had missed something.

Lance took a bite of the food, blinked, looked at the slightly blue green mess, glanced at Hunk, then back at the goo. He took another bite, and made a face. “Kiwi..and cheese?”

Hunk turned red and instantly started collecting the bowls. “Seriously? Man... I was sure I had it this time. Looks like it was me that messed up today, not you Lance.”

Wait..what? Shiro studied Hunk, who looked a bit too pleased with himself, and then at Keith who had a small smile. Finally his eyes landed on Lance, who looked confused, and Shiro got it. They set this up, just to show Lance that they all messed up. That was... actually brilliant. Well, Shiro could work with that.

Pidge wandered in, mumbled a bit, and sat down, promptly dropping their head on the table. It was so normal that barely anyone noticed. But, Shiro saw how Lance stiffened. It would take time, he knew that, but he didn't like seeing any of the team uncomfortable. “”Allura said we are working on our ranged skills today.” He ignored the whine from Pidge and the scowl from Keith with practiced ease. “So Hunk, Lance you two will take the lead today.” In truth, Shiro had argued for ranged training, because it gave him a valid reason to point out a couple of Lance's strengths.

Hunk sighed, and shifted a bit, always uncomfortable being in the spotlight, but Lance spoke up then, softly. “Do I need to pull another fire alarm?”

Shrio had no idea what Lance was talking about, and based on the speed that Pidge raised their head, neither did they. Keith relaxed though, and Hunk outright laughed.

“I thought you said that wasn't your best idea?” The shifting stopped though.

“You know me, I gotta make the same mistake often until I figure that out.” The smile Lance had was strained, but it was there, and Shiro was relieved to see it. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

 


	12. Pidge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge thinks, observes, thinks some more. In true Pidge fashion, they do things their own way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I would like to thank each and every person that sent kind wishes and thoughts to my friend. I told her about all of them and she is doing much better now. Thank you all. 
> 
> Sorry this is late, I meant to work on it during the week, but I started on a new story. It's not very good, but I'm enjoying it. :)
> 
> Here we are, Pidge's chapter. I hope I did alright with it. Let me know what you think.

Pidge was a rational person. They thrived in thoughts of theories supported by facts, and was never more comfortable then when immersed in a project. While it was difficult for them to grow close to people, once they did Pidge loved fiercely. The problem was they had a very hard time showing it. That was part of the problem with Lance. He was nothing like they were, and sometimes that made Pidge snap at him, not because they meant to but because that was their normal reaction to things.

But now, Pidge couldn't do that anymore. Not with Lance's story always at the back of their mind. They couldn't fall back on those old habits anymore, not now that they knew Lance would accept it as a fact. But, how were they going to be able to convince Lance that Pidge didn't really think of him as an idiot? What could they do to show him that Pidge would never agree with his father? Pidge always said immediately what they thought, and if they hesitated to insure that they didn't snap, would Lance believe them?

They didn't like being so unsure, and that had been the main reason why they were so late to breakfast. Their plan was to act as normal as possible but without all the disparaging comments. So, they had wandered in as usual, and even whined at the announcement of ranged training. Even with the weird comment about fire alarms, does the castle have those.. Pidge thought everything was going well, until the training started. Each had a training setup ready for when it was their turn. Hunk, with his bayard, had enemy and ally targets, and he had to insure that the ally targets were not hit. Pidge had just moved onto moving targets, with Shiro a few levels ahead. Keith was frankly terrible, and was working more on hitting his targets.

Lance hadn't really said anything during the training, something that had become pretty common, but when it was his turn, Pidge was shocked at what his training setup was. They knew Lance was the best of the group at shooting, the whole team knew that, but watching as both ally and enemy targets moved around with rapid speed, the enemy targets occasionally shooting back, and Lance silently hitting each target was a shock. They didn't often practice ranged attacks, mostly because it made more sense to work on their hand to had as a team. So to see how far ahead Lance actually was, surprised Pidge so much they honestly could not keep quiet when the training ended.

“When did you learn how to do that? You weren't that good before.” Almost immediately, Pidge wanted to hit themselves with their own bayard, especially when Lance flinched a bit, and shrugged.

“Shiro picked our levels before. This is the one I use when I train alone.” Lance stared at the targets, frowning. “I need to make them faster though...”

Shiro opened his mouth but to the shock of all of them Keith beat him to it. “Faster? Lance, any faster and you won't be able to see the targets.”

Pidge watched as Lance shrugged again, seeing now, the lack of confidence. “The Princess says I'm only as good as an Altean child.”

“I'm sure it's only because she hasn't seen your recent scores.” Shiro offered. “We'll call her in so she can see.”

“She's busy.”

Hunk immediately glared, surprising Pidge more than the passive tone Lance used. “Then, it's her loss. Come here buddy, and help me out with this level.”

They watched, as Lance forced a smile on his face, and moved to help. Lance never had to fake a smile. Pidge hated seeing something so obviously forced. Didn't he know it was okay to not smile?

 

 

Pidge spent a good amount of their time thinking. The training session today, made them wonder though, if it was possible to be a team again. Part of them wanted to shy away form the thought but Pidge had to look at all the angles. That was how they worked. Knowing that Lance didn't trust the team, that Hunk was angry, Shiro guilty.... all of those were things they had to move past. Shiro wasn't going to stop feeling guilty, not until things were better. Hunk wasn't going to stop being angry until they made things better with Lance. But... Lance wasn't going to trust them again, unless something changed.

Lance seemed to be okay with Keith, oddly enough, even if there had not been a single argument, comment or challenge for weeks. In fact, Lance barely seemed to talk to anyone, except for Blue, and now Hunk. So, how could Pidge reach Lance? What did they have in common? At one time, Pidge would have said that they missed their families more than the others. But now that Pidge thought about it.... Anytime they had spoken to Lance about their family, he had replied with all these positive things about how Pidge would get them back, never about how Lance would see his one day. Wait... that would work.

Abruptly, Pidge darted up, leaving their little workroom, and heading straight for the kitchen. It was rare for them to know exactly where Lance was anymore, but Hunk had already told all of them that he was going to have some bro time with Lance and he was unavailable. Normally, Pidge wouldn't disturb them, mostly because it was rare that Hunk ever asked for time on his own but, they had made a decision and they were going to act on it immediately.

Pidge marched into the kitchen, ignoring Hunk and moving to stand right next to Lance. They stood next to him, waiting until Lance looked at them, well their shoulder but close enough.

“Um...”

“Lance. I have stuff to tell you.” Pidge then promptly punched him in the shoulder, just they they always did with Matt. Pidge ignored Hunk shooting out of his chair, focused instead on the open surprise on Lance's face. It wasn't fake, it was real, and that was enough for Pidge right now. “I listened while you talked to Shiro. I did it because I wanted to know what was wrong. I am not sorry. I would do the exact same thing for Matt.” Pidge was pleased to see the surprise fade into shock. “You are my brother, just like Matt is. I'm saying this because I don't care what your dad thinks. When we get Dad and Matt back, like you told me we would, I'm telling them we have a new brother.” They glared, because it was easier than the tears that wanted to come at even the thought of their family. “You've seen what I'll do for my family. That includes you.”

Hunk slowly sat back down, and Pidge noticed how he was glancing back and forth. Which was fine, Pidge didn't care. They just wanted to see Lance's reaction.

Lance was silent for a bit, then shook his head. “You don't have to say that. I'd help you find them anyway.”

“Oh, I know that.” Pidge smirked. “You'd shoot yourself into a sun if you thought it would help. That's not why I'm telling you this. I ignore you and I call you names. But, I never told you why I do it. I do it because, if I don't, I will cry every time you check on me, or pick a fight with me so that I feel better. Because Matt did the same thing. He'd check on me, tease me, start these silly arguments with me because he knew that was the fastest way to keep me from overworking myself. Every time you do that I think of him, and it's nice but sad at the same time.”

Lance was staring, and so was Hunk. But, Pidge didn't know any other way to try and fix things. All they could do was to be honest, and let Lance decide from there. Anything more and he might not believe it, and that would only make it worse.

“I.. am not a good brother, Pidge.” Lance started softly, looking at Hunk for a moment before tilting his head. Pidge had seen him do that before, but they still didn't have any idea why. “I'm not even a good teammate. But, I didn't realize that I was making you sad by checking on you. I'm sorry.”

Honestly. Pidge looked at Hunk, who spoke up then. “Buddy, I don't think that is the point here. Pidge is trying to say that you're family.”

“That's silly. Pidge has a perfectly fine family. We just have to find them.” Lance waved a hand like it would wave the idea away.

This would be harder than they thought. “Yes, I do have a fine family, and you are one of my two dorky brothers. If you don't like it, too bad. You're stuck with me. I'm mean and I will hit you more than hug you, but you have Hunk for that so it's fine.” To prove their point, Pidge punched Lance's shoulder again. “So come on. We three are going to go do something fun. So pick one of those things you always want to do with Keith and we'll do it. If Allura or Shiro get mad, they can deal with me.”

Lance stared and rubbed at his shoulder. “Um... well... we could.. go to the workshop and make something? Like... a robot dog?” As far as Lance's normal ideas went, it was pretty tame, but it could be fun for all of them. Pidge liked it.

“Right, lets go then.”

Hunk grinned, and Pidge felt pretty good about things. Sure, Lance looked confused, but Pidge didn't expect him to be okay with it right away. That would be impossible. But, if Pidge needed to mention now and then that Lance was family, and that Pidge wasn't giving up on him, then they would do it. That was why they told him flat out that they had listened in on the conversation. They wanted Lance to know they knew the whole story already and still wanted him as a brother. Then, he would know that Pidge meant it. It would still take time, nothing worth having ever came easy, but Lance was worth it.


	13. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is confused. When he told his story, he was certain he knew how everyone would react. He was wrong. Luckily he had Blue, who will always protect her Paladin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves* Here you all go. Have another Chapter. A little bit of Lance and the team and then Lance and Blue. It's been a bit since we've had some Blue. :) 
> 
> I hope you all are still enjoying this. I'll do my best to make sure I update next Sat. Please, let me know what you think.  
> (I'll be be working on my new story a lot this week, but I promise to have the next part up in a week for you all!)

The plan to make a robot dog worked surprisingly well. True, Hunk and Pidge did most of the planning, but occasionally, Lance would mention something that he thought a robot dog should do. It took almost two hours for Keith and Shiro to find them, and by that point, they had already started building.

Shiro had asked what they were doing, and Pidge had raised their head from the tiny wires, glared, then stated. “We are building a robot dog. It will bark, fetch, wag it's tail, and roll over. It will also hover and may or may not have lasers by the time we are done.”

Lance could tell just by his face that Shiro didn't exactly understand why a robot dog was now something that they needed, but before he could explain that it was all his fault, Keith was dropping to the ground next to Hunk.

“I like dogs. What are you going to name it?”

“Spot.” Lance's voice was quiet, and he fiddled with the pliers he was holding, keeping his eyes on the ground, he didn't want to see Shiro being all disappointed in him again. He hadn't meant to distract the them. They had offered. That was okay.... right?

Hunk piped up then. “We agreed, it needed a solid dog name. Pliers.”

Lance immediately passed the tool over, handle first, just like Hunk had told him to

“Ah... well..” Shiro didn't really stammer... ever and Lance peeked up to see a confused expression. “Allura wants us to all come to dinner now.” He sounded almost reluctant, but why? It was just dinner, everyone had to eat.

“Not hungry.” Pidge stated, and Hunk immediately nodded. Lance bit his lip, chewing on it and missing the looks Keith and Hunk gave him for it. Honestly, he wasn't really hungry either.

“You know... I'm not all that hungry either, Shiro.” Keith settled more comfortably on the ground, studying their little project with interest.

Now, Lance was shocked. Keith always agreed with Shiro. So, why wasn't he now? Lance was so confused. It really wasn't that big of a deal, right? This was just another one of Lance's silly ideas. So why was everyone suddenly so interested?

Shiro caught his attention then when he moved over dropping to the ground next to Lance. “So what color is it going to be? And who is going to keep it from chasing the mice?” Lance watched as they all discussed colors and if there was a way to program Spot to leave the mice alone. It was nice to be with everyone... but he didn't understand why.

 

*********

 

Lance wasn't exactly sure what was going on with everyone. It had been almost a week since they had built Spot, which was the only reason Allura hadn't trained them to dust. She had thought it was adorable and had literally cooed at it. What had been weird, not as weird as the mice using spot as a ride all over the castle, but the mice were sometimes weird anyway.

This whole week was weird. Really, he needed new words. It seemed like every time he turned around, Keith was right there, asking to do something, or offering to train with him. Which was fine, Lance needed the help, but it was strange, there was a new word, because always before, it had been Lance with ideas and things to do. He couldn't do that anymore, he had promised Shiro, but when Keith came to him, it was hard to say no. The worst part was Keith kept smiling at him. It wasn't helping him forget how much he liked the other boy, which would probably be a problem in the future.

Then there was Hunk. It almost felt like it had in school. They still did things apart, Lance refused to give up his time with Blue, but, they spent more time talking now while they did other things. Hunk would work on Yellow while Lance was with Blue, then talk on their way to training or to eat. Hunk also kept asking for Lance to help with his projects. He wasn't very good at helping, but he never really had been and it had never bothered Hunk before. Lance knew how lucky he was to have Hunk. He really was a wonderful friend.

Pidge was also around a lot more. They still worked more than they slept, but they started working more and more in the hangar and less in their workroom. Most of the time when Lance did talk to Pidge, they always said. “You're an idiot, big brother.” and then explained why whatever Lance said was wrong. It was normal for Pidge to call him an idiot, but the big brother part and the explanation were all new. He really wasn't sure how he felt about it. Lance had missed being a brother, but he knew he wasn't exactly good at it.

Lance leaned back against the chair in Blue's cockpit. It was the one place no one ever bothered him. But then, Lance was pretty sure it was because, Blue still didn't like any of the team. She didn't growl at them anymore, mostly because he had begged her not to, but they all knew it. Just like Lance had noticed that Yellow and Green watched him a lot lately, and how Red always seemed so disapproving. Sometimes, words were not needed. He didn't know why Green and Yellow watched him now, it was new, and frankly a little unnerving. He was used to Blue's warm gaze, and he didn't really know what Yellow and Green were thinking. Red was at least easy to figure out, even if Lance didn't know why Red didn't like him. He had no idea about Black. Lance tended to avoid that part of the hangar, because he honestly didn't think he could handle Black's judgment.

Come to think of it, Shiro has been odd lately too. He had been a lot more positive toward Lance lately. He wasn't sure if it was because Shiro thought Lance would leave if he didn't, or if Shiro actually meant what he said. Lance liked hearing that he was getting better, but he didn't want people to say it unless it was actually true. He knew he had a long way to go. Maybe... Lance needed to tell Shiro that he didn't have to say those things. Lance was staying for as long as Blue wanted him to. They didn't have to be nice to him, to get him to stay. Were they just being nice because of that?

Then there was Coran. Lance hadn't even seen the older man in two days. The last time they had actually spoken, Coran had mentioned a test for Blue and then patted Lance on the shoulder and walked away. Allura was the same. She would speak to Lance, but only about training or missions. Maybe, it was because that was the only way they could talk to him. He knew he was very different from the two of them. Maybe that was it?

He was thinking in circles again. Lance dropped his head into his hands. He was so confused. He sighed, listing as the sound echoed slightly in the enclosed space. “Blue?”

 _ **'Yes, My Paladin?'**_ Her voice, for lack of a better word was warm and caring. Oh, he loved her so much.

“I..I'm so confused Blue. Everyone is acting weird and I know it's because of me, but I don't know why. I knew they would all act differently after they knew about... Kara.” It was so hard to think about her, even talking to Blue about her was almost more than Lance could stand. “But... they're all so nice? Why? They aren't supposed to be nice. They're supposed to be angry, or upset, like everyone else was. Is it because they think they have to be so I will do what they want? There were some kids in school that did that... but I told Shiro that they didn't have to. So I just don't understand.” He hated feeling confused, it made him think that he really was an idiot sometimes.

Blue growled catching Lance's attention. She only did that when she was unhappy with his thoughts. He'd been trying not to think that way, because he hated upsetting her, but sometimes he couldn't help it.

_**'My Paladin. Perhaps, they are not the ones that are reacting the wrong way. Perhaps, it is all the others in your life that did. Perhaps, this is simply a way for you to know who you belong with.'** _

“Maybe...” He really wasn't sure. He loved that she would suggest that, but it was such a small possibility. But, this was Blue. He would at least consider it. But still... “If this is really where I belong... and the team are the people I belong with...then... why does Green and Yellow watch me all the time now, and... why Red always so unhappy with me?” If the team was really okay with him, then why weren't their lions? Then, a thought hit him. “Do they not like me, because you are mad at their pilots?”

 _ **'Nonsense.'**_ Lance could tell how amused Blue seemed to be, so it must have been a pretty silly suggestion. _**'The Princess has told you that I am the most welcoming of new paladins, correct? What she has not explained is that once someone becomes mine, that I am the most protective. The others know that nothing will stop me from looking after what is mine. You are My Paladin. I shall always protect you over anything else.'**_

Lance knew that Blue loved him. It was of the few things he was confident about. But to hear, that she would place him first, above Voltron, and the other lions, above _everything_.. that was... overwhelming. To know that he of all people meant so much to something so amazing Lance could barely comprehend it.

Lance had the _best_ lion. He didn't care how smart Green was, or how kind Yellow was.... that Red was loyal and Black was …. well, Black. Blue was the best. She loved him, and she thought he was worth it. Just for that, Lance would never leave her. Ever.

“Thank you.” It wasn't enough. Those two little words were not enough to explain how she made him feel. But, she still purred at him, and Lance had a feeling that she knew what he couldn't really say. He settled down then, curling up in the chair. Lance preferred to sleep here, surrounded by Blue, than in his room. Nothing could bother him here, not with Blue's warm thoughts in his mind, or her purr rumbling in his ears.

Lance fell asleep to that comforting purr, unaware that Blue's eyes were glowing, and that she had several choice words for her fellow lions. 


	14. The Lions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue is not happy with the other lions, and is going to insure that they know about it. She also had no qualms about pushing her paladin where she feels he needs to be. 
> 
> (Or Blue is both a wingman and a mother-hen at the same time)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you are my wonderful readers. A BONUS! I was going to post this later... but, I was apparently inspired. Please let me know what you all think? I'm pretty nervous about this one. Because.. oh my stars... this was actually hard to write.
> 
> Let me know how I did, Okay? Because now I am all nervous about it.

When the lights in the castle brightened, Blue was not surprised to see the Red Paladin enter the hangar. Between him and the Yellow Paladin, hers was rarely left alone with his dark thoughts now. Blue approved. She didn't mind the other paladins, even liked a couple of them, but she refused to let them effect hers in a negative way. True, it was not all their fault, if she was being fair, most of it was not, but the way they had treated him, was. She did not like seeing her paladin, her bright, gentle-hearted pilot, so hurt by their actions. She loved all of her previous paladins as well, but this one, this one needed her in a way that none of the others did. Her bond with this one had grown so quickly, much faster than the others, faster than those that came before, and Blue treasured every quiet moment, every laugh, and was thrilled every single time he looked to her for approval.

The Red Paladin approached cautiously, as he should. He had hurt her pilot, and while her paladin may not blame him, Blue certainly did. But this was his chance to make things right. She had things she needed to say to the others today, and she could not do that with her paladin there. She might upset him. She would give the Red Paladin this chance, one full day, with her paladin. She hoped that it would go well.

She knew, through her pilot, that there was no team training today, something about individual practice, whatever that meant, and that he planned to spend most of his time here with her. But, that would not be possible as she did not intend to let the others remain unaware of the result of their actions. Not even Black was going to stop her. Turning her attention to her paladin, she nudged at his mind, encouraging him to wake.

It took a few clicks, but then we was stirring, sleepy and content, almost happy. It made Blue purr.

“Uh.. Morning to you too.” She stayed quiet as he wiggled around, before silently urging him to go out. In the time it took her paladin to fully awaken and start moving, the Red Paladin had finally approached and stood before her barrier. She dropped it, letting him get a bit closer. It would suit her own plans.

“Um.. Blue? Can I... I mean... “ It was so amusing to watch the normally taciturn Red Paladin flounder. But, for the sake of her own business, she did not share this with her paladin, instead opening her mouth and continuing to silently encourage him out.

“I'm going...” He yawned, rubbing one eye and then freezing at the sight of the Red Paladin. Which, was not really the reaction Blue had been expecting. It apparently wasn't what the Red Paladin was hoping for either, as his shoulders dropped.

“Hey, Lance.”

“Uh, hi. Did something happen? 'Cause, I was gonna spend the day with Blue and... Whoa!”

Blue had waited until her paladin was standing solidly on the ground, then closed her mouth and nudged him lightly toward the Red Paladin. It wasn't her fault that he was so tiny, and that her nudge had knocked him straight into the other pilot's arms. She didn't think the Red Paladin minded either, based on how quickly he latched on.

_**'My Paladin, you should spend this day with the Red Paladin. I insist.'** _

Her paladin straightened, stepping back from the others hold with red on his face. Not that the Red Paladin was in any better shape. Blue approved, purring.

“Blue...” Her paladin bit his lip, then took a a breath. “If, you don't want me around today, that's fine, of course it's fine, but, I don't have to spend the whole day with Keith. I'm sure he has better things to do...”

“I don't mind!” The Red Paladin announced, looking from her to her pilot. “Really, I was going to see if you wanted to... uh.. explore! Yes, if you wanted to go explore the castle with me.”

Her pilot looked so unsure, he felt so lost that she just wanted to keep him with her always. But he needed this, he needed to spend time with each of them, tell them exactly what he felt, and know from their own words, how he was seen. He needed this as much as Blue needed to explain to the others exactly what she would and would not allow in regards to her paladin.

“I dunno...” He kept looking up at her, but finally sighed and nodded. “Okay, I'll see you later, girl.”

Blue knew that her paladin didn't understand why she was pushing him away today, but she was proud of him for not immediately thinking that it was because she did not want him anymore. _**'My Paladin, I know you. I know that you wish to be closer to this one, and I know that you do not think that you are allowed. So, use this day to see. Spend this day with the Red Paladin, and tell him of your thoughts. If it happens that he does not agree, then return to me immediately, and I will never again ask you to spend time alone with that one again. You need to know what he thinks. Good or ill. Then you will know and we will plan accordingly.'**_

She did not like the worry that she could feel from her paladin. She did not like how upset he felt. But, she had never been prouder of him than at his quiet thought, _'Okay... for you, Blue.'_ It was just more proof that her paladin was strong.

Her Paladin turned to the Red one, forcing a smile. “Right, well... Blue wants to me hang with you today. So... exploring it is.” She waited, as they left the hangar, and then a moment longer, to insure that no one else would enter before turning her head toward the others.

 _ **'How dare you.'**_ She put all her fury and protectiveness in those three simple words. Her eyes flashed as she turned to stare at Red. She wanted all of them to know exactly how she felt, but she had to start somewhere and unluckily for him, he was closest.

_**'Now, Blue...'** _

_**'Now is not the time, Black. You may chastise me afterward, but you all will hear my thoughts on the result of your actions.'**_ Normally, Blue would never argue with Black. He was their leader by their choice. But this directly effected her paladin and that meant it was her decision. _**'How dare you, Red, presume to judge My Paladin! He is mine, and I am happy with him. Your disapproval means nothing, and should be kept to yourself.'**_

Something Blue had always liked about Red, was he never backed down. At least, not unless it was something he could not argue against. The two were similar in that aspect. So it came as no surprise when Red's eyes immediately flashed. _**'I don't disapprove of your paladin! I disapprove of his treatment. No one should be so broken.'**_

Blue growled. _**'He is not broken! How dare you suggest such a thing! If he was, then he would not be here. He would not have worked so hard for so long to insure that his feelings never crossed the links between us! He certainly would not have succeeded! Your disapproval is strong enough that he is aware of it! It only makes him doubt your pilot more.'**_

Red's head dipped, and Blue settled a bit. She was still angry, but her point was proven. She did not wish to offend any of them, but they had to know that she would not tolerate any actions that would cause more harm to her pilot.

_**'I was unaware that he could feel it. I have never had anyone that was not mine hear my feelings. I never intended to cause any harm to your pilot. I have growled at him before, but that was simply because he would always jump and that was amusing. You have done the same yourself. I shall... be more careful with what I project. I do not wish to make him doubt My Paladin.'** _

Blue was satisfied with that. She had, on occasion, done the same with a previous Green Paladin, and none of them were inclined to lie. She dropped her own head. _ **'I would appreciate it, Red. Now, why are you two watching My Paladin so closely lately?'**_ She was less angry now, and more willing to listen. But, she had things to say to all of them, Black included.

It was Yellow that answered first. As always, his voice was slow, like he had all the time in the world to speak. _**'I mean him no harm. My Paladin asked me to watch him. He worries... and despite not being able to hear my words yet, he feels better knowing that I am helping you look after your pilot.'**_

Blue considered that. The Yellow Paladin was very protective of her pilot lately. While Blue did not need any help looking after her own, and Yellow knew that, she could see him agreeing to watch over him, to soothe his own paladin's fears. Very well.

Green's eyes did not flash the way Blue and Red's did, and they did not glow steadily like Yellow or Black. They tended to flicker, as his attention bounced from thing to thing. _**'I wish to know how it is your paladin has not faltered. As Red stated, and I feel he speaks for us all, that we do not approve of how your paladin has been treated, not only by our pilots, but by those he cared for. We all heard his story, through our paladins. Not one of us, felt that the reaction was just.'**_

Blue simply waited. Green would get to his point. Eventually.

_**'I watch him, because I wish to know how it is that he continues to go on. As you stated, he is not broken. Cracked perhaps, but not broken. I watch so that I may learn. If it will please you, I will be less obvious about it.'** _

Green was not Blue's favorite. Green tended to do whatever he wanted, and rarely worried what may happen because of it. But, Blue did appreciate the offer. Mostly because it was so rare. _ **'I would appreciate that. My thanks, Green.'**_

Blue considered her next words. She had to tread carefully here. _**'Black, can you please explain why My Paladin fears you?'**_

Blue couldn't feel the others, not like she could her paladin, unless they were merged. Not to mention, being made of metal made it difficult to show emotion, that was part of the reason why they were able to express it so easily to their paladins. Blue was watching carefully, and Black's eyes dimmed at the question.

 _ **'Your paladin.. fears me?'**_ He sounded shocked. Black always had an answer for everything. He was calm, and rational, he could analyze a situation and could stop a fight easily, but he was never shocked.

Blue tipped her head down. _ **'Yes. I can tell. He never looks at you, and avoids your part of the hangar. In his thoughts... it is fear. I cannot find the cause, therefore, I decided to ask you directly.'**_ That was acceptable.

Black did not answer for a long time, but Blue was patient. She would wait for days if needed. For her paladin. It was not good that he feared one of them. Especially since Blue had no idea why. She checked on the warm feeling in the back of her mind. Her paladin was doing well at the moment, but she might have to encourage some of his more... interesting ideas. He was still far too passive lately. Her paladin needed to be free to be himself.

 _ **'Blue...'**_ Blue pulled her attention from her pilot back to Black. _**'Perhaps, it is not so much that your paladin fears me... but fears my reaction to him. In his story, his father was the leader, yes? His choice effected everyone else. Perhaps... your paladin fears that I will effect the others against him. He needs not worry. I will do nothing that would result in bringing your paladin harm.'**_

That.. made sense. This is why Black was the leader. Blue hadn't considered that. Of course, it would not matter to her what any of the others thought of her Paladin. He was hers. But, she could see how he might think that. _**'I see. Then I shall do what I must to help remove this fear. Thank you, Black.'**_

Satisfied, Blue settled down, keeping part of her attention on her pilot. She would spend this day resting, and considering her best course of action. But, if he needed her, she would not hesitate to be there for him.


	15. Exploring... And Other Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance have their day together. Filled with exploring, talks and an understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a horrible person. I am very aware of this. I am so sorry that it took so long to get this out. Work got hectic and then I decided to make a gift for someone on Tumblr. (Which I am still learning how to use.. ugh) But.. here is the chapter. Well... part one of it. 
> 
>  
> 
> Side note: OMG!!! There are over 10K hits on this??? What? How? *Flails* Thank you all SO much!

The hall was silent except for the sounds of shoes hitting the floor and ever constant hum of the castle. Lance was honestly grateful for it. Blue wanted him to talk to Keith, and honestly, Lance did not think he was ready to. But, he didn't have to do it now. Blue wanted him to spend the whole day with Keith, but if he brought it up now, it would make the rest of the day weird. Okay then, he could do this, he'd hang out with Keith, and before he inevitably left for better company, Lance would talk to him. He could do this. No jokes, no challenges. Keith had obviously been looking for him to spar with. Training was Keith's thing. Lance could handle that. He was okay.

“Well...” Lance forced a smile. “I should go get my armor huh?” He was under no illusion that Keith would actually want to explore. That was more Lance's thing.

Keith frowned, but Lance made sure to keep his smile. Blue wanted him to do this and Lance would do it. He'd do anything for Blue.

“Why do you need your armor?” He looked down at his own red jacket, then back up at Lance. “It's just exploring.”

Lance couldn't help but remember the sharply delivered dismissal Keith had given when Lance had suggested exploring just after they had arrived. That didn't matter now though, if Keith wanted to explore now, then they would. Lance had already investigated most of the castle anyway. “Okay. Where to first then?”

Keith frowned again, but pointed up with a shrug. “Well... there are all those upper floors that we never go to, why not start there?”

Oh, those. If Lance remembered right, there was that big ballroom, and the library, and all those little sitting rooms... He wasn't exactly sure that Keith would find any of that interesting but, why not? “Sure, I think there are some stairs over here....”

 

*********

 

If he was being honest, Keith would admit that this was not working out the way he had hoped. While he did, technically get what he wanted, which was Lance spending some time with him, it still didn't feel right. Lance was still quiet, and seemed to be enjoying looking around, but he kept walking just a bit behind Keith, and so far despite three sitting rooms and one really big library, Lance hadn't mentioned anything he found interesting. He wanted Lance to enjoy this, to have fun... with Keith.

By the time they had found a ballroom, an honest to God, straight out of a kids movie ballroom, and Lance had just smiled, Keith was done.

“Are you even enjoying this?”

Lance's smile slipped but came right back. “Sure. It's nice to look around the castle. Are... you enjoying this?”

Keith blinked. He wasn't... not really. This wasn't what he expected when he suggested the idea. He thought more of races down new halls, and... all those things Lance wouldn't agree to anymore. “I thought it would be more fun. Finding new places, maybe run down the halls... fun stuff.” By this point, he knew his face was red and that he probably sounded like an idiot.

Lance shrugged. “Well, exploring isn't really your thing.” There was a pause, and Keith glanced over to see Lance staring at the ballroom. “I'm... honestly kinda surprised you wanted to.”

That... made sense, but Keith had been trying. He honestly missed the old Lance. The one that told bad jokes, and tossed out challenges as easily as breathing. The one that smiled, and laughed and made Keith feel like an equal. The Lance that Keith liked. He just... didn't know how to say that. Hunk was the one that always knew what to say to Lance now, just like Lance could always calm him with a few words. Even Pidge was doing better at including Lance than Keith was. They hadn't really changed how they acted but they took an extra minute to smile, or explain. But, Keith was bad at talking. He always had been, even now with Shiro, he still stumbled over his words. Years of being left behind, losing one family after another... wait.. That might work..

He glanced at Lance, who still had that fake smile, and before he could overthink it, darted out and wrapped his hand around Lance's wrist. “Here, come sit with me.”

It wasn't hard to tug Lance along, something that would have been impossible before. Now, Lance just shrugged and settled on the floor. “What's up?” His smile faded, and he drew his arm away.

Keith dropped down right next to Lance. “I.. uh..” A sigh. “I'm sorry.” There, that was a good place to start.

Surprise flashed over Lance's face, before it settled into something wary. “Dunno why you're apologizing, but okay...”

Quietly, Keith mourned the lack of a joke. “Because I am sorry...”

 

*********

 

Why? He just didn't understand. Why was everyone acting so weird. He didn't get why Pidge kept calling him brother all of a sudden, or why Shiro had praised him in training. Lance knew he was still terrible at hand to hand. He didn't understand why Allura was smiling at him now. Now, this? Keith didn't apologize, it wasn't something that he did. He would explain why he would act the way he did, on occasion, but apologies just did not happen, and if they did certainly not to Lance. So why now? He got Hunk. Hunk cared about him, and Lance believed Hunk when he said he had just gotten distracted. Hunk hadn't ever lied to him before. Hunk has always been by Lance's side. Coran too, seemed mostly normal. Granted, he never asked Lance for help anymore... but that was probably for the best. He wasn't exactly good help anyway.

Focus Lance. Keith, apologies... weirdness. “Yeah...I get that... but.. why? I can't think of anything that you need to apologize for...” He glanced up from his hands, and met Keith's shocked face. He immediately stared at his hands again.

“I.. I'm sorry for lots of things.” Keith was talking slowly. “But... I'm actually apologizing because I should have talked to you sooner. You know.. After you told Shiro...”

Oh, Lance doubted he would ever forget sitting in Shiro's room and telling him exactly why Lance was not worth any effort. He could feel Blue''s disapproval, and he'd been trying to think more positively, but he was just too confused to keep it up. But, he had promised Blue that he would talk to Keith. She had told him, he needed to know what the others thought. Now was as good a time as any. Time to just say what he needed to and beat a retreat. Then, he could just.. find somewhere else to be for a while.

“It's really not a big deal, Keith. If you don't wanna talk to me, then don't. I'm okay with that.” He forced a smile, making a point to raise his head and stare at that one bit of Keith's hair that never laid down properly. “I'm not going to be offended, why would I? I'm not going to cause anymore problems for your team and...”

“ _No!_ ” Keith jerked forward, and Lance instinctively moved back before they both froze. There was a long moment where neither moved, before Keith sighed, and leaned back.

“No... that wasn't what I meant. I..I mean.. I understand.”

Well, now we have moved on from confused to completely lost, good job Lance. “What?”

Keith rubbed one of his arms. “I mean.. I understand the whole... losing your family thing.. It's not the same... but...”

Oh... Now that made more sense. Everyone on the team knew Keith had been on his own for a long time. For a little while, Lance had felt that way about Coran and Allura too. But... in their case, they lost their hone and families due to someone else. Keith's... wasn't the same either. They didn't... do anything to make their loved ones leave them.

“I... appreciate that.” He relaxed a bit now, but he honestly was not sure what he was supposed to say. He chewed on his lip for a minute while he thought. Well.. Blue was always telling him to be honest. “But... I can't worry about it anymore.” His smile this time was a little more real but still small. “I just have to let some things go and then, no more problems. I'm okay, honest.” He honestly believed that.

 

*********

 

Keith honestly would be perfectly happy to never again hear Lance use the words _'I'm okay'_ ever again. But, that was something for later, right now, there was something more important. “What, Lance? What do you have to let go of?” He knew exactly what Lance was talking about, but he wanted to know if Lance would say it. He wanted to have a chance to.. what? Plead his case? Convince Lance that he didn't have to let go of what he wanted? To know Lance trusted him enough to tell him? Yes.. all of those.

Lance bit his lip again, and Keith counted to ten to keep from moving. There was no chance of Keith forgetting Lance jerking away anytime soon. He didn't want Lance to be afraid of him. That was the opposite of what he wanted. He wanted... to understand. To be.. a safe place. To be.. Lance's safe place.

“Well...” Lance again turned back to his lap. “I don't know if you'll understand... You probably won't but... why not?” He took a breath and when he spoke again his voice was softer. “I'm no good at the hand to hand, Keith. You know this, I know this.. The mice know this. I don't think I should train with you guys at it anymore.”

What? He what? Wait.. “What?”

“I mean... You guys waste so much time trying to work with me, and make me better at it but I'm not going to be. You guys need to be able to move ahead without worrying about me. Besides, I'm never sent on those kind of missions anyway. I think instead, I should work more on my piloting. That absolutely had to be better than it is. I could really get someone hurt and... I don't ever want to be the cause of that again...”

It was official. The second thing Keith was going to do when they got back to Earth was punch Lance's dad in the face. The first thing he had planned was picking up his bike so he could actually get there. “Lance... I don't...”

“Plus.” Lance didn't raise his voice, but he kept on speaking. “Shiro and the Princess spend a lot of time either being disappointed or unhappy with my progress, so if I stopped they would have more time to plan missions and make the decisions. That would make things so much easier for you guys.” At this Lance actually smiled, a real cheerful smile... and it broke Keith's heart.

“But...”

“The next thing I think I need to let go of, is any hurt feelings I may get if you all are too busy for me. That's just childish, you know. Of course, you all have much better things to do than listen to me whine or talk. I figured out that what I said before was really just hurt pride and me being bitter. I'm really sorry about that.

Keith was staring at this point. None of this was right. No, he didn't need to stop training with them. They needed to actually help him and not just expect him to figure it out. They all worked with Hunk and Pidge... so why hadn't they with Lance? The rest was just... wrong. It wasn't just hurt feelings... Lance had been right, they hadn't treated him like a teammate.. like a friend. That hadn't been his fault..

“The last thing I should do... I confess I'm having a hard time with.” Lance's hands were curled into his jacket. “I..I need to stop worrying about what I want and instead work on being what Blue needs. Those things don't matter. I can't have them anyway, so really, what's the point in thinking about it? Right?” Lance finally looked up, and froze again. “Uh... D..did I say something wrong?”

Despite the fact that pretty much everything Lance just said was wrong, if nothing else, it gave Keith somewhere to start. “I think you're wrong.”

Lance's face fell, and Keith hurried to continue. “I mean, everyone wants things. All of us do, that doesn't mean that they don't matter.”

“Maybe... but these are dumb things. They aren't going to make it easier to fight the Galra.. and they won't make me fly better...”

How? How did this one boy manage to make Keith feel do much? “Well.. I mean, I have no idea what they are.. but maybe if you got them, then you could fight for them?”

Lance tilted his head a bit, looking to the side. Then he sighed. “Blue says the same thing. But, I don't know...”

“Tell me.” He honestly had no idea what he was doing, but if nothing else, Lance was talking. “You tell me five things that you want but think you can't have, and I'll tell you if they matter or not.” Keith wanted Lance to tell him. He wanted to explain why Lance deserved whatever he wanted. He wanted to explain what he wanted too. But.. Lance needed to be strong enough to admit it.

Lance frowned, head still tilted slightly before he sighed. “Okay. But... You won't... mention it to anyone?”

Never. If Lance was willing to trust Keith with the things he wanted, Keith would take them straight to the grave. “Not a soul.”

 

  
*********

 

This was a bad idea. A very, very bad idea. Blue seemed to disagree, but Lance was positive that it was going to end badly. On one hand, Keith was a terrible liar, and Lance would know exactly what Keith thought... but on the other hand... Keith was a terrible liar and Lance would know _exactly_ what he thought. It's okay, he was okay. He could do this. This is why he was here after all. Blue wanted him to do this. Start small Lance, just pick one little thing, and throw it out there.

“Okay... I want... Pidge to listen to my ideas sometimes. I know that they are probably bad, and that they can always make a better plan, but... it would sill be nice for them to listen.” Lance whispered the last part.

He was not going to look at Keith. He wasn't. He was perfectly okay with studying the wrinkles in his jacket. He curled his hands just a bit tighter, and then started when a hand met his shoulder. His head darted up and, so much for not looking at Keith. Way to go, Lance.

“I don't think that's a bad thing. But, I kind of have to agree that I don't think it will happen. But, they don't listen to any of my ideas either.” Keith's voice was quiet.

That was true. Pidge only occasionally listened to Hunk or Shiro. Well, that was fine. At least, it wasn't just Lance. “Yeah.. that's true.” Okay then, that wasn't too bad. It was honest, and made sense. Maybe this wasn't so bad. “Alright... I want..” The pause was much shorter this time. “I want to sit down, just once and tell stories with everyone... We.. used to do that at Hunk's a lot. Spend a dinner sharing whatever silly stories we could think of.”

Keith's hand never moved. “I like that one... but what if we don't have any good stories?”

Lance blinked. Keith... liked that one? But.. it was so.. pointless. “Um.. we would... just.. make some up.”

A nod. “Then I think that is a good want, Lance. Nothing wrong with it at all. You should mention it to Shiro.”

Not a chance. While part of Lance appreciated that Keith didn't think it was dumb, but there was no way he was going to mention it to anyone else, even Hunk. It would just make his friend sad anyway.

“I don't think so. But thanks.” It was honestly going better than he thought. He took another breath and slowly released his tight grip on the jacket. The last three weren't as easy to admit to though. In truth, Lance had gotten used to not wanting much. When he did, they tended to be big. He would do this though. He had to... for Blue. “I.. I want … the team to be proud of me.” He clenched his eyes shut, concentrating on the warm feeling of Blue rather than open his eyes and see Keith's expression.

There was a sharp breath, but Keith spoke pretty quickly. “So do I. That's something.. I think we all want...”

Lance bit his lip again, considerably harder than usual. Just two more. Two more little sentences and he could go. Go back to Blue, or Hunk, or that tiny room at the top of the castle that had all those old blankets. Go there and hide away for a while. “I want a family again...”

“I do too...” Keith's voice was soft, quiet. 

Lance brought his knees up, curling a bit into himself. Keith's hand fell from his shoulder, but Keith just caught his hand instead. “I want someone to love me.....”

“I do...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry... but I didn't have any other way to end this part...
> 
> 1Here is [My Tumblr](https://collector-of-hats.tumblr.com/) if anyone wants to say hi?


	16. Insights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confused by how strange everyone has been lately, Lance goes to the one person that has not changed. Coran. He talks, with both Coran and Allura, coming to a difficult and long overdue realization, while Allura considers her paladins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updates, but I had a great deal of work, and celebrated my birthday last Friday. It may be a little late, but it is longer than usual. 
> 
> I really hope that you all enjoy it. Please let me know what you think.

Lance sighed, and shook his head before raising his face up. Keith couldn't read him. He honestly hadn't meant for that to just slip out. He had planned on telling Lance, but not this way. But Lance had sounded so sad, but accepting too. Like, there was no chance that any of those things could ever happen. Honestly, Keith liked the idea of telling stories over dinner. He understood Lance wanting the team to be proud of him. Keith wanted that too. Having a family.. they had one.. it was.. just a little cracked at the moment.

Another sigh. “That's nice of you to say.” Lance uncurled from his spot, working his hand free as he stood. “This was fun... But I think I need some time alone.” He took two steps but Keith caught his wrist. For a long minute they stayed just like that. Lance standing, facing away from Keith, who was still on the floor, arms stretched between them.

“Before you go.” Which Keith absolutely did not what, but Hunk had insisted that if Lance wanted it they should respect it. No one was arguing with Hunk right now, _especially_ about Lance. “I just want to say one more thing. Okay?”

Lance shrugged. “Sure...”

“I know, right now you aren't going to believe me, but I want to say this anyway. I'm here for you. We're all here for you. I'll prove to you that I mean what I say. I don't care how long it takes. I'll prove it Lance.” He tightened his hand, just a bit before letting go, watching as Lance darted out of the room.  
  


*********

 

Lance had absolutely no idea where he was going. He just needed something, anything to make sense. He didn't want to go to Blue, not now. She would insist that nothing was his fault, but despite knowing that she truly felt that way, it had never actually made sense to him. He couldn't go to Shiro. He was acting far too nice lately, same with Pidge. Allura was probably too busy, she usually was.. and Hunk. Lance wanted to go see Hunk. He really wanted a hug from his friend and the comfort he always got, but Lance also couldn't be selfish like that. He'd spent a lot of time with Hunk lately. It wasn't right to take all of Hunk's time. He couldn't be around Keith.. that made less sense than anything at this point. Then it hit him. Coran. Coran hadn't changed really at all. Lance hardly ever saw him anymore, but that was actually normal. The older man often disappeared and reappeared seemly at random. Sure, he hadn't asked Lance for help anymore, and he never shared stories now, but that is what people were supposed to do when they realize that Lance isn't anything special. He would go see Coran, if he was too busy or didn't want to talk to Lance, then.. He was going up to that little room and he was just going to stay there for a while. It wasn't a great plan, but it was better than randomly wandering the halls like a lost sheep.

Fortunately, Coran was in the first place Lance looked, the main control room. Unfortunately, Allura was also there and she noticed him before he could duck out of sight.

“Hello Lance. Are you enjoying your day?” She smiled at him.

He found himself mimicking Shiro, straightening his posture, and tucking his hands behind his back. “Hello, Princess. Yes... I am.” He bit his lip, chewing on it for a minute. “Princess... Would it be alright if I spoke with Coran for a minute.” He made a point to keep his eyes on Allura. “I won't take long.”

Allura glanced at Coran, and smiled. “Of course.” She moved back to to her control panel, and Lance waited until she was settled there before he finally turned to Coran.

“I'm sorry, I just... wasn't sure who else to talk to.” Lance kept his voice low, not wanting to bother the Princess with his silly problems. “Everyone is acting so strange, and I.. it doesn't make any sense.” Finally, he looked up at Coran's face. “You're... the only one not weird right now.”

Coran frowned slightly. “I confess that I am confused, young paladin. I have noticed that everyone seems to be rather.. how do you say, skittish lately, but I do not understand why that is strange to you.”

Lance looked down, fiddling with his sleeves. “They're too nice. People don't treat people like me nicely. I don't understand.”

“People like you?” Coran sounded confused.

“On Earth, someone that kills someone else is called a murderer.” Lance explained softly, eyes fixed on the floor. “There are people there that kill because they like it, some that do it because they are sick, and there are some... that don't know that they do it until it over. But, they are always bad people, and everyone else hates them.”

“Are there no exceptions to this? Everyone that takes a life is called this?” Coran's brow was furrowed and he tugged on his mustache thoughtfully.

“Soldiers. People that fight for others, for their countries, during a war aren't. Not usually. Sometimes, a person can kill to protect themselves, but that only counts if they were attacked first.”

“Earth sounds very strange.” Allura spoke from just behind Lance, making him jump and spin around.

“P.Princess!! Did... did I take too long?” Lance jerked back slightly, but Coran's hands settled on his shoulders.

“No no. I found your explanation fascinating. We did not think this way on Altea.” She moved closer, slowly. “While some aspects are the same, such as soldiers in a war, we did not assume anyone would deliberately kill another without just cause. We would of course investigate any deaths, but to simply kill one without cause was unheard of.”

Despite himself, Lance found himself interested. “So, no one ever killed another?”

“I did not say that. There were a few occasions where it happened, but as you said those people where generally sick, ill in a way no healing pod could fix. But they were not treated poorly, we took care of them to the best of our ability, but they were always treated with kindness.”

Lance hunched his shoulders slightly, overly aware of the pressure of Coran's hands. “That sounds nice...” It also explained a lot. That was why Allura had been nicer to him lately, despite rarely speaking to him. That must be how they handled it on Altea.

He took a deep breath. “Okay... Okay. So that's why you've been nice to me... That's just how you do it. But then, why is everyone else so nice?”

“Do you not want them to be kind to you?” Coran asked softly.

“I... I just want things to make sense. I've ruined the team, and..”

“There will be none of that.” Allura spoke sharply, and Lance instantly closed his mouth. “From what I have seen, this team is not ruined. You, Hunk and Pidge appear closer than ever, and Keith is rarely away from your side.”

“But that's just it!” Lance blurted out, instantly looking horrified. “I'm sorry...”

“No, it is alright. Please, explain what you mean.” Her voice softened.

“We shouldn't _be_ close. Pidge has never been this nice to me ever. I don't know why they are now. Hunk... Hunk already knew, and he's... always been there for me, but not like this. He's mad at the others now.. I've only seen Hunk mad once before now, and I have known him almost my whole life. Shiro... he tells me what a good job I'm doing, and he never did before. Why now? I already told him not to, to stop trying to make me better... And Keith...” Lance turned his head to study the wall. “He said... he loves me, but that can't be true. He.. never liked me before... How long until it goes back to the way it was?” He took a breath, then another. “I..I..”

“Shh, my boy.” Coran's hands tightened on Lance's shoulders, then patted them lightly. “Once, a long time ago, back on Altea when we were working on some of the castle's outer defenses, I was in charge of setting up the supports to hold the equipment while we attached it. One of my supports failed, and a man, a good friend of mine was killed. On your Earth, if this had happened there, would you treat me poorly, after you learned of it? Would you call me your word.. murderer?”

Lance jerked away, turning toward Coran. “No! That was an accident! You didn't do it on purpose!”

Allura stepped forward and placed one hand on Lance's arm. “Neither did you, Lance.” Her voice was soft, and Lance shook slightly at the sound. She had never spoke to him so softly before. Never. “I have spoken with Shiro and Hunk. They explained to me, the words I did not understand. They explained to me about your.. cars, and the various ways people can meet their ends in them. From what they told me, it was the other person that was at fault. Not you.”

“But..” Lance couldn't wrap his mind around it. It was his fault, it had to be. His..Kara's family had told him so. Her... father had told him so. Why would they... “No... it _has_ to be my fault. He.. he.. he told me it was my fault.. why would he tell me if.. if it wasn't?” He stared at Allura, eyes dry, but shaking. “Why?”

Allura took a step back, eyes darting to Coran and then back. “I do not know, Lance.”

Coran, put his arm around Lance, like he had seen Hunk do many a time. “But, consider, Lance. Perhaps, that is why your teammates are not acting the way that you believe they should?”

Lance could barely understand what Coran was saying. How? How could it not be his fault? That.. couldn't be... He had to have done it. He dimly registered arms pulling his close, but all he could focus on was the one thought circling in him mind. If it wasn't his fault why... why did he lose everything?

 

********   
  


Allura watched as Lance's shaking grew, and how Coran tucked him close, much as a parent would a child. She had been held safely in those arms herself and knew just how it felt. She nodded, and moved back a bit, letting Coran comfort Lance. She moved back to her control panel, pressing on the screen and speaking firmly. “Hunk. Please come to the control room. Lance needs you.”

She sighed, watching Coran pat Lance on the back. Her paladin didn't seem to be aware of much and Allura wanted to join in the comfort. She wanted to hug and soothe, but Lance was.. too fragile right now for her fumbling efforts. He needed someone that would know exactly what to do and say. He needed Hunk.

A part of Allura, hated to admit it but in a small way Lance was right. The team was not the same as it had been, but it could end up being better than before. She had judged Lance too harshly, not giving him the same chances that she gave the others. That was her fault, but she knew better now. She knew that she could not simply judge someone based on how they acted or how well they did at training. She planned to spend more time with her team one on one. She would share with them more. She had promised not to make the same mistakes again.

Shiro had changed as well. He was a bit freer with his praise, more willing to spent extra time with the team. He had always been rather free with Pidge and Keith, but he had been making an effort lately with Lance and Hunk, not that it was getting him very far. Hunk refused any attempt until Lance agreed and Lance avoided Shiro with surprising skill.

Pidge seemed more willing to spend their time with the others now. Allura suspected that they would always be a bit of a loner, but they spent more time in communal areas now. Personally, Allura loved the robot the team had made together, it served no true purpose in their fight, but it brought smiles to all of them.

It was difficult for Allura to read Hunk anymore. He spent most of his time with Lance in the hangars or in the kitchen cooking. He was cooler to the team now, less likely to hug or offer pats on the back. Hugs were now reserved for Lance. He was still as anxious as ever, but Allura noticed that Lance always seemed to be there if Hunk needed him. The two were closer now, and she'd seen their recent training results. They were becoming a very solid team.

Keith though.. Allura liked Keith, felt that he was a good paladin, but she had always worried that he wasn't close enough to his team. He was close to Shiro of course, but other than that Lance was the one he spoke with the most. True it was often as arguments or competitions, but Keith opened up to Lance, even if it was just enough o let his anger out. Now though, Keith offered to train with both Hunk and Lance, always making a point to include anyone present. He trailed after Lance often, like he was wary of loosing sight of him. She wasn't exactly sure what caused such a dramatic change, but it was certainly better than the constant fighting.

The sound of the doors opening drew Allura out of her thoughts. Hunk barreled into the room, with a focused look on his face. Coran was still holding Lance, but he immediately stepped back to let Hunk take over. Unlike, the rest of them Hunk had no problems folding Lance into his arms, and dropping his chin on Lance's head.

Keith darted in only seconds after, Pidge and Shiro right behind him. All three looked first at Hunk, wrapped around Lance, with Coran hovering, before looking to Allura.

She met their eyes easily, standing firm. “He came in to speak with Coran, and we discussed a few things...” She paused, then quietly explained what had happened. “I believe... we should have a meeting, once Lance has calmed down. We should explain to him, why we do not blame him as others have. Explain why we have changed and..”

Keith spoke up then, eyes firm. “And then prove it.”

 


	17. A Start Down The Right Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team plans how to prove to Lance that they care for him, while Coran shows his feelings in a different way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I am sorry that this update took me so long. I struggled a bit with writing Coran and with this story starting to wind to a close I wanted it to be just right for you all. Thank you for your patience! 
> 
> Please, let me know what you think?

Coran watched as Hunk focused on Lance. Lance who was mumbling to himself, shaking hard, but with dry narrowed eyes. He didn’t understand why this boy, the one that was so like himself when he was younger, the one that everyone knew was his favorite, did not simply let it all go and allow himself to cry. Still, it was not Coran’s place to question, humans were different from Alteans after all. Still he hated to see his boy this way.

When Hunk shifted, looking at Coran with worry and concern in his eyes, Coran was quick to offer a reassuring smile, and a whispered summary of what had happened. Coran was one of the few who Hunk actually had sought out, determined to hear why Coran was avoiding Lance now. He had been upfront, openly admitting to listening in on their private conversation and his decision to respect Lance’s wishes. In return, Hunk had explained a little more, detailing words that Coran did not understand and the two had parted far more amicably than Hunk and any of the others.

Which was why, when Lance had stopped shaking so much, it was Coran that Hunk let lead Lance out of the room, while he stayed to handle the rest of the team. Coran knew the level of trust it took for Hunk to leave Lance with anyone lately and he was determined to do his utmost, not just for the big fellow that cared so much but for the hurt one that Coran loved like a son. 

 

*********

 

Shiro watched as everyone immediately turned to Hunk when he approached the group. He would be the first to admit that Hunk really seemed to know what it was Lance needed, but he also couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something else that was needed, that Hunk couldn’t do. 

“Is he okay?” Pidge is the one that stepped forward, putting their small hand on Hunk’s. 

“I don’t… know?” Hunk sighed. “I’ve never actually seen Lance consider that it wasn’t all his fault before. So, I don’t know.” 

“What? You mean he never even once thought it wasn’t his fault?” Keith looked furious, his hands curled into fists and a fierce scowl on his face. 

Pidge flapped a hand at him. “Why would he? His father told him it was his fault. Someone that had loved him and stood by him his whole life.” Pidge’s tone was soft, but easily heard. “If my dad said something like that, I would believe him too…”

Surprisingly, Allura agreed. “Yes, if my father had said that something was my fault, I too, would have believed him.” 

Shiro didn’t really remember his father, at least nothing clear. Still, he could understand their point. “Either way, he is thinking it now. That’s a good thing.” It was, really. Lance had been treated badly for a long time, not just by them, although that didn’t help. “What can we do for him, Hunk?” 

Hunk frowned a little and shook his head. “I don’t know. I’ve always been there for the little things. He’d tell me what he thought he should change and I’d do my best to talk him out of it. The really bad times… I’d ask my moms to invite his over for lunch and we’d leave them alone. I don’t know what she’d say to him, but it always helped.”

Shiro sighed, and looked around at the team. Pidge and Allura both looked somber, but Keith looked murderous. “As good as that would be for him, what else can we try?” 

“I think we should leave him to Coran for a bit.” Allura offered, ignoring Keith’s glare. “I cannot tell you how much he has helped me with the loss of my father.”

“But Coran wanted to let him give up on us! To just..let Lance give up!”

“No.” Hunk sounded firm. “Coran wants to support Lance. We talked, Keith. He just wants Lance to be happy, even if that happiness does not include him.” 

Keith visibly slumped. “But.. what can we do? We need to prove to him that we aren’t going to go back to how we were.” His head turned away, and Shiro wondered what had happened to make Keith feel so invested. It wasn’t just the team or their mission, this was more. 

“Keith, what happened?”

One slow head shake was his answer. “I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone. I’m not breaking it.” 

Shiro was ready to press but Hunk nodded. 

“That’s a good start, Keith. Lance takes promises really seriously. As long as you keep the ones you make to him, he’ll start to believe you.” 

Shiro nodded. “Okay, then we make sure to do exactly what we say, what else?”

Pidge fiddled with their sleeve. “We include him more. I mean, that was what started all this right? We never listened to him either.” 

“So then.. he isn’t ever going to be the same, is he?” 

All eyes went to Keith, who’s head was down, and hands curled into his jacket. 

“What do you mean?” Allura asked, looking confused. “That is what we are discussing, how to help Lance get back to how he was, is it not?”

Keith shook his head. “He promised Shiro, he wouldn’t do those things anymore. No more challenges, or jokes, or bad flirting..” Keith looked up at Hunk. “He won’t race with me in the lions, We went exploring and he didn’t make any jokes, or tell any stories…”

Hunk frowned, but Shiro took a step forward, putting a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “I’ll talk to him. He made that promise to me, and I will tell him that we don’t want that.” Shiro meant every word. He had let Lance down before, when he hadn’t known what to say after Lance told his story, but he would fix this. This one thing, Shiro could fix. 

“In the meantime, I think we should have that meeting Allura mentioned. But, we can’t just go in and tell him that it wasn’t his fault. Hunk, you said yourself he won’t believe us. But, we can convince him that it doesn’t matter, and I think I know how.” Shiro had an idea, it wasn’t much of one, but the more he thought about it, the more he was convinced it could work. “Princess, if you will lend us the bonding helmets, maybe we can show him in a way that he’ll believe.” 

Pidge’s eyes lit up. “Oh! That’s not bad! I can show him how I always feel when he checks on me and fusses!” They turned and pointed at Keith “You can show him how much you like his dorky challenges!”

“Hey!”

“Right.” Shiro nodded. “So everyone go, think about what you want to share with him. We’ll talk first, but then one at a time, we’ll show Lance exactly what we think.” But first, Shiro had a certain paladin he needed to talk to. 

 

*********

 

Coran had taken Lance to one of the sitting rooms, and tucked a blanket around him before quickly fetching some of the hydration pouches. He refused to let Lance speak until he had drank two of them. Then Coran sat down right next to Lance and looped his arm around his shoulders. 

“Now, my boy, are you feeling a little better?” 

Lance toyed with the straw of one of the pouches, but shrugged. “I guess. I just..” He was quiet for a long time, but Coran was patient and eventually Lance started talking. 

“I don’t understand. It has to be my fault, don’t you see? Why else would.. he say those things? I lost… I..” Lance shook his head several times, and twisted the empty pouch tightly. “If it wasn’t my fault, then why did he tell me it was? He wasn’t a liar, he hates liars! Why would so many people agree with him, if it wasn’t my fault?”

It broke Coran’s heart to see Lance this way, hurting so much. “I wish I had answers for you, but I do not know. Perhaps, he was not told everything he needed to, and perhaps, he simply lashed out so that his own hurt was not so great. I wish that I could tell you his reasons, but I can tell you this.” Coran shifted, moving his arm from Lance’s shoulders and placing his hands there. “I believe that it was an accident. A terrible and tragic accident and that your sister was not the only victim. But that accident does not change how I see you.”

Lance shook his head. “But..”

“None of that.” Coran smiled, patting Lance’s shoulders. “It is no secret to anyone how I feel, Lance. I see a great deal of myself in you, in your cheer, and in the way you look after your team. I see, someone that does what they have to so that the ones they care about are safe and happy. I am proud of you, my boy. You are the one that checks on us all, even me. Do not think for a moment that I am unaware of how often you would volunteer to help me clean despite hating the work. I have also seen you tease Keith into letting his anger out, even if the target is always you. I watched you teach the mice many tricks to help keep Allura happy, and none of us even come close to being able to calm Hunk as quickly as you can. I have found both you and Shiro in rooms, with him sound asleep yet you still were talking, I have watched as you carried Pidge to their room more times than I can count. How could I be anything but proud of you?”

Lance blinked, and Coran watched as one tear slid down his face before he forcefully rubbed it away. 

“Come now, why do you not let it out?” Coran had been wondering this for a while, but a movement in the corner of his eye and a slight shuffling sound drew his attention to Shiro, who was hovering in the doorway. Coran started to speak but Lance beat him to it. 

“Tears should only be shared with family.” Lance’s voice was low, but it echoed in the quiet room. “When I lost mine.. I didn’t have anyone to cry with. So I stopped.”

Coran abruptly decided that Shiro could wait, and he pulled Lance a bit closer. “I would be honored to be your family.” He was shocked when Lance crumpled, curling into Coran’s hold and hiding his face in his shirt. He didn’t make a sound, but the material quickly grew wet. Coran held him, just like he had held Allura when she was a child. This boy was his family now, and Coran felt warm at the thought. He did not try to soothe his boy, no what Lance needed was to let it out, to stop holding it all in. 

 

*********

 

Shiro quietly slipped out of the room, making sure that the hall was empty before leaning against the wall and settling in. He had intended to speak to Lance immediately, to let him know that he didn’t have to stick to the promises he had made out of sorrow. But, he also didn’t have the heart to break up Lance’s time with Coran. Not after hearing the adviser speak so openly, and fondly. Now after hearing Lance say that tears were for family, and finally crying in the presence of someone that cared for him. 

Instead, Shiro was content to guard the door. Coran would come and get him eventually, and if the others had to wait a bit, then so be it. Shiro was not going to let anyone disturb their moment. 


	18. Building Your Bridges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team follows Shiro's plan to show Lance exactly how they feel about him. Lance, in return, shares a few things of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the lovely comments, for leaving a kudo or even just reading. I appreciate each and every one of you. 
> 
> I worked hard on this. I tried my best to make this has a saw it in my mind, and while I feel there are some parts that could be better (namely Keith) I hope that you all enjoy it anyway. The first part of this chapter is from Shiro's POV. The second is meant to me in a neutral POV, except for the italic parts. I hope it is not too confusing. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think.

Shiro honestly had no idea how long he spent in the hallway, thinking over the words he needed to say to Lance. He considered the best way to say what he wanted to, how to insure there were no more misunderstandings. Shiro had seen the look on Hunk’s face when he hadn’t been able to respond after Lance’s story. He’d seen how Lance somehow managed to avoid being alone with Shiro at all since, something that was honestly, not that surprising anymore. The frown on Pidge’s face when Shiro would enter a room and Lance would disappear from it immediately after. But, Shiro was going to fix that, before the day was over. 

Maybe then.. Maybe then, he could grow closer to Lance like the rest of the team had. He’d lost count of the times, he’s stumbled on them, working together on one thing or another. Making adjustments to Spot, working on the Lions and once.. just once, he caught all four of them, sound asleep in the common room. Lance, who nearly always slept in Blue, was curled in on himself. Hunk was pressed against him, back to back, and Pidge was sprawled on their back on top of Hunk. Keith was on Lance’s other side, one hand curled around his bayard, and the other fisted in Lance’s jacket. The scene had been honestly adorable, but it had driven home how close they were all growing, despite Lance’s continued distance, and that.. Shiro hadn’t been able to bridge the gap. While he was still close to Keith and Pidge, Hunk was much more distant than before and Lance almost unreachable. He had never realized before how those two were what kept the team stable. Allura had even outright said so when they all met. The legs of Voltron were meant to support the others. But, they needed support too, and they had all forgotten that. Until one of the legs, wasn’t able to hold them all up anymore. 

Shiro shook his head. He’d tried to mend it. He’d been freer with his compliments, spent more time telling each of them their strengths. But, it just hadn’t been enough. No, he knew what needed to be done. He was going to fix this, but he had to be willing to wait for Lance. Shiro had already sent Pidge away once, unwilling to interrupt something that Lance seemed to need so badly. 

The door opened, and Shiro turned quickly, facing Coran. Before Shiro could say anything, the man clapped him on the shoulder, just once, and continued along down the hall. That left Shiro, alone, staring at the door to the room Lance was in. It was his turn now. 

Lance didn’t move when Shiro came in, but he looked much calmer than he had been before. His head was tilted just to the left, eyes fixed on his lap. He settled next to Lance on the couch, but didn’t make a move to touch him. Instead he just let the silence settle around them, before he finally glanced over at Lance. 

Lance’s face was dry now, but there was a bit of red around his eyes, and his expression was somber. There was none of the fidgeting, or the determined looking away. Lance just kept staring at his hands, curled loosely in his lap, head tilted, in a way Shiro was starting to think was a habit. 

Then Lance sighed, and his head straightened, before he glanced at Shiro, briefly before turning back to his hands. “Hi.” There was no accompanying smile, no teasing, no joke. All the things that made Lance… well  _ Lance _ were gone. Keith had been right about that. Instead, he just sat there, waiting. 

Okay then, he could do this. “Hey Lance. Are you.. feeling a little better now?” 

One shoulder came up in a half shrug. “I’m okay.” 

Shiro knew what Keith’s opinion on Lance being okay was, the whole castle knew his opinion on  _ that _ . But honestly, Shiro would take it. “Do you mind if we talk a bit?” He felt awkward asking, but Hunk had told them all numerous times, to ask little things like that. That it was important. 

“Yeah.. okay.” 

Despite Lance not really giving Shiro much to work with, he was honestly happy about the way this little meeting was going so far. Lance hadn’t bolted from the room, so it was already a drastic improvement from any other attempt Shiro had made. “Listen, Lance.. I want to apologize to you for how I reacted after you told me about your sister.” He paused at the sharp breath, but when nothing else happened, he carried on. “I know it was hard for you to tell me that, and I should have talked to you then. I’m sorry for that.” 

Lance shook his head. “It’s fine. Like Hunk said, it’s a lot to take in.” 

“But I still should have said something to you. Told that, I was sorry it happened, because I am Lance. I should have told you that you didn’t need to make those promises to me. I don’t want you to just agree with whatever the rest of the team says, not if you feel strongly against it. All of us  _ want _ you around Lance. I.. I hadn’t realized how badly we had treated you… But, I know it now, and I won’t let it happen again.”

Lance frowned a bit, lips turning slightly downward. “It really is okay. It was what the team needed and the team is what matters.” His expression brightened just a bit. “Besides, maybe now that everyone is out in the open… and now that I know exactly what I shouldn’t do. It will be a lot easier.” 

Despite it being the first time, Lance hadn’t immediately blamed himself, it was so difficult to watch Lance look over with so much hope on his face. To know that even if he was finally starting to consider that the accident wasn’t his fault, he still believed that he needed to change himself to fit in. But, that was fine, Shiro was prepared. 

“Lance, may I tell you something?” 

Almost instantly, Lance’s face went blank. But he nodded, so Shiro went ahead, aiming for one tactic that almost always worked to get past defenses. The shock tactic. 

“I think you should race with Keith in the Lions.” He paused just long enough to appreciate Lance’s head turning to stare. “I also think you should do down to the kitchen and hang over Hunk’s shoulder while he cooks.”

Lance was certainly staring now, mouth slightly open and eyes wide. Shiro felt proud to have if nothing else, chased away that passiveness for the time being. 

“It would do Pidge good to hear some jokes, maybe get them to help you play a prank? I personally liked the one that turned everyone hair different colors.” He honestly had. At the time, he had been too busing keeping Keith from killing all of them, but it had nice to know that his hair looked the same as everyone else’s despite being a bright green color. 

“B..but..”

“Now that I think about it, the Princess has been interested in learning various customs from Earth. You should teach her how to dance.” Shiro couldn’t help but smile at the dumbfounded look on Lance’s face. “Then, if you feel like you want to, I’d like it if you could come down to the training room. Then, I can help you at hand to hand and you can help me in ranged. But, while we’re there, I want to hear every single pun, you’ve been keeping quiet about.” 

For a long minute Lance was silent, staring wide eyed at Shiro. Then he was off the couch, spinning to face Shiro directly. “Listen.. I know that I’ve been causing a lot of problems… and I am sorry about that, but you can’t just tell me things like that. I already promised that I wouldn’t do it… Wait.” His shoulder’s slumped a bit. “Do you think… I won’t keep my promise?” 

The words were soft, and sad, and Shiro was quick to dash that thought before it could grow. “No Lance. I know that you will do whatever you have to in order to keep a promise. But, I don’t want you to keep it. None of us do.”

“T.t.that’s not true! Training is a lot better without my jokes.. And everyone is more focused without me annoying them and…”

Shiro raised his voice just enough to speak over Lance, but not enough that he was yelling. “And, Keith is bored out of his mind without the challenges and games you tease him into doing. Hunk misses you messing in the kitchen with him, even when you do mix up the ingredients. Pidge and I don’t smile or laugh near as much as we used to without your jokes.” 

Lance kept shaking his head. “No.. that’s..”

“Because we want you to be you, Lance. Yes, we were hard on you and we ignored you. But we also didn’t understand why you did those things. You did them for us. To keep us all going, and stable. I know you think we see you differently now, after you told us your story, and you’re right. We understand you better. We miss you, the you that wasn’t afraid to smile, or joke. The you that is an amazing friend, and we would like that person back.” Shiro stood and carefully laid his human hand on Lance’s shoulder. “I can even prove it.” 

“But..” Lance looked confused, but Shiro smiled at him. 

“Give us a chance to make it up to you. Then, if you really still feel that you need to keep that promise, you come to me and we’ll talk it over. Just let us have this chance okay?”

Lance turned his face away, and bit his lip, chewing at it for a moment before his head tilted. Finally after a long minute, he turned back to face Shiro. “Okay.. I mean… I’m not really sure about this.. But Blue thinks it’s a good idea… so.. Okay.” 

Blue? Wait… Keith and Hunk both had mentioned several times that Lance often talked to Blue. Was  _ that _ what he was doing when he tilted his head like that? He was talking to his lion? As much as Shiro wanted to ask, to learn how Lance had gotten so close to Blue, now simply wasn’t the time. First,  they had to prove that they wanted  _ their _ Lance back. 

 

*********

 

When the the doors to the training room finally opened and revealed Shiro and Lance, the entire group let out a sigh of relief. No one had been really sure, if or when the two would show up. Corna had seemed optimistic when he arrived, but none of them were taking anything to chance, not anymore. 

As they crossed the room, Shiro with a small smile, and Lance looking uncertain, Hunk was the one to meet them half way, a wide smile on his face. 

“Lance!” Instantly, he scooped Lance up into a large bear hug, it even started a laugh out him. Hunk swung him around a little before setting him back down. “I’m glad you’re here, buddy!” 

“Hey, Hunk..” Lance looked at the others, the uncertain expression only growing. “What’s going on?” 

“We’re going to show you exactly how we feel!” Pidge announced, pushing Keith away so that they could cross over to Lance. “I’m shit at words, Lance.” 

“Language!”

Pidge ignored Shiro, with practiced ease. “And Keith isn’t much better than I am…”

“Hey!”

“So, we’re going to show you exactly how we feel with these!” They produced the bonding helmets from behind their back and waved them a bit at Lance. 

“You don’t have to do that, Pidge…” Lance still looked worried, his bottom lip held firmly between his teeth. 

“We know, Lance.” Keith spoke up then, a small smile on his face. “But, this way, you will know that we mean what we say.”

“Not only that.” Allura announced, breezing into the room. “We will all know why we feel these things for you. Also, if you are willing, you may share how you feel for us in return, however, not one of us will feel angry or upset if you choose to keep those feelings to yourself.” 

Lance still looked worried, but Hunk slung an arm around his shoulder. “In a few days, we will do this again. But, we won’t be showing you how we feel, we’re going to go through each of us, so this doesn’t happen again.” Hunk’s tone hardened a bit, “Right?”

“Precisely! You see, my boy, this will help us all become a proper family.” Coran smiled, wide and cheerful. “Will you allow us to do this?” 

While Lance stared down at his shoes, Hunk shot Coran a grateful look. It was important for Lance to have a choice in this. 

“Well.. I’m still not sure it’s necessary.. But.. we’re already here.. so I guess so.” 

“Excellent! Then, I shall go first.” Coran’s announcement was met with a couple of glares from Keith and Pidge, but no one actually argued. 

They all settled down in a circle, as they had before, only this time Allura and Coran were sitting with them. Coran claimed one side of Lance, while Keith literally squeezed in between Hunk and Lance. Pidge was snickering next to Hunk and Shiro, while Allura just smiled as she settled next to Coran. 

It was different than the first time they used the helmets. Not counting in the addition of Allura and Coran, they could all feel each other much easier. It was more open than before, time and bonds growing during their time together. Only Lance was still distant, separate from the rest. Then Coran closed his eyes, and the screens all lit up. 

_ The images were jumbled, a hand on a thin shoulder, a bright smile, a laugh at a bad joke. But as the images settled it became clear that it was not Coran smiling, or laughing, no it was Lance. Lance who laughed at Coran’s stories, smiled cheerfully when Coran entered the room. There was warmth, fatherly affection and a deep desire to protect all wrapped around the images.  _

_ As the scenes changed, showing a Lance that was pulling away, no longer there for a story or a joke, the protective feeling did not fade, it grew. Worry seeped into the warmth and affection, a slow determination growing to do whatever was necessary to make his boy happy. Abruptly, all the other feelings faded, leaving only a sense of pride and joy, as the scene changed to  a brown colored head, buried in a royal blue jacket, and arms wrapped around something infinitely precious. A son.  _

Allura reached out, squeezing Coran’s hand, before closing her own eyes. No one else moved but all eyes were on Lance, who was studying Coran out of the corner of his eye. 

_ This time the image was of Hunk and Pidge, rolling their eyes, as Lance hung of Hunk’s shoulder. He was telling a story, hand gesturing around. There was fond exasperation, like one would have for a mischievous brother. Eye rolls at terrible pick up lines, but a smile that always showed up after Lance left.  _

_ Then there was fear, fear at the image of Lance laying on ground after the crystal exploded. Fear that mixed with pride when Coran’s voice was heard explaining that Lance pushed him out of the way. Relief, at the sight of him after the healing pod. Joy, at seeing them all laugh at some ridiculous joke. Happiness, after a mission that her brother did well in.  _

Lance’s eyes were on Allura now, slightly narrowed and wary. But still not a single thought came from him. Shiro nodded, and patted Allura on the arm, before looking directly at Lance.

_ Peace. A soothing voice, pushing away all the tension, stress and worry of the day. Safety, as eyes slipped closed, and breathing evened out. Surprise, and gratitude, when eyes opened again, to see Lance sprawled in a chair, still talking softly. Pride at seeing Lance eventually succeed at a particularly difficult maneuver.  _

_ Worry, at seeing Lance leave a room alone. Sadness, at sitting across from Lance in his room, Lance’s eyes fixed on the wall. Then came an image of Shiro, head buried in his hands. Disappointment, anger, sorrow, all aimed at himself. The training room then, determination as Shiro praised Lance’s work. Dedication at making things right. An image of his Galra arm, outstretched, hope that it would be taken, held tight in friendship.  _

Everyone watched as Lance slowly raised his eyes to meet Shiro’s. Finally, they could feel something. Uncertainty. It was faint, barely able to be felt, but it was there. For a long moment no one moved, then Pidge huffed and closed their eyes. 

_ The first image was from the Garrison, yet another time Iverson was taking the three of them to task, and again, another time Lance stepped up to take the brunt of the attack. Grudging respect, at how he didn’t back down, even at the hurtful words. Exasperation, at Lance appearing as they looked for their brother, before it shifted to surprise at how quickly he took off to help Shiro. A tentative thought that maybe.. He would help them too.  _

_ Confusion, at Lance nagging them to go rest, images mixing, fading from Lance to Matt and back again, so smoothly it was like they were the same. Sadness, missing something so important, anger, snapping harsh words to hide pain. Feeling the anger fade into fondness after a long argument. Surprise and warmth at waking up in their bunk, a blue blanket tucked carefully around them.  _

_ Worry, when they turn and Lance is nowhere to be found. Frustration, at being watched so closely, knowing that it isn’t them that needs the attention. Anger and disappointment when a comment results in Lance’s face turning away. Pride at building something together with their family. Faith, so much faith that their brother, mother and father will willingly welcome their new family member.  _

The small bit of wariness changed, to surprise. Still faint and hard to feel but there, almost brushing at the edges of their minds. The surprise faded into a cautious flutter of hope before it all disappeared. Lance turned to stare at his lap. 

Hunk drew everyone’s attention, when he reached across Keith and squeezed Lance’s arm before settling back comfortably. There was a small smile on his face, and no sign of his usual anxiety. 

_ His first glance is of a tanned arm, latching onto his and yanking him down a school hallway, an alarm ringing in his ears. Then it was a wide gap toothed smile, and a thin boy, with messy hair and happy eyes. Next came, that same boy, cheerfully telling everyone that this was his best friend, and no one messed with his friends. Awe, and sense of admiration were woven into these images. _

_ Lance again, a little older, wrapped in the shadows, rocks hitting a window, thin arms wrapping around, soft words soothing the loss of a pet. A cheerful voice, greeting every morning without fail, a wide smile always given. Images of hundreds of stunts, jokes, laughs. Love for a brother, not of blood but of choice. A constant companion, constant support.  _

_ Flashes of shared triumphs, of an arm wrapped around a shoulder, a joke at just the right time. A hand firm on a shoulder, soft words, endless faith. Praise for a first meal, a promise that it would be shared between them. Millions of secrets, years spent together. Worry, for a broken friend in a hospital, anger at how easily that friend was cast aside. Frustration at harsh words and dark jokes. Hours spent, patiently trying to patch that friend back together.  _

_ The Garrison. The image of a letter, a plea to come home, Lance, insisting he go too. Iverson, looming over them both, demanding they stop their foolishness. Surprise, pride and affection for Lance, standing straight as he called the teacher out, swearing then and there nothing was more important than Hunk and what  _ **_he_ ** _ needed. Iverson vowing that Lance would never fly. Never reach the stars.  _

_ Space. Terror and worry, washed away by a firm grip and a tease. Hands, rubbing a back as the stress upsets his stomach. Goo in a bowl, pride as Lance praised the attempts. Friendly teasing over a new friend...  Then.. nothing. Emptiness, loss, unstable footing an anchor gone. A friend missing, a friend hurting. Devastation at learning how he had let Lance down. Determination to never let it happen again.  _

Everyone stared as Hunk nodded, as Lance raised his head. Two smiles, one big and wide and the other smaller but no less real.  Five set of eyes watched as two hands came up, and went through a complicated personal handshake, both smiles growing a little bit more when it ended. 

As Lance pulled his hand back, a pale one, wrapped in a fingerless glove caught his. Those fingers curled tightly, before eyes met. Lance immediately looked away, but Keith just held on a little tighter. 

_ Curiosity, at a loud laugh across a room, immediately followed by a flash of sadness then anger. Then, Lance’s face, eyes bright, smiling, as challenge is thrown down. First a race, then a game, next a contest. Each one, adding to a small bit of warmth, unnamed, unknown. A compliment, earned not freely given a sense of belonging, equality.  _

_ The party on Arus, teasing, warmth, smiles, a sense of happiness, the first in a long while. That sense vanishing like smoke into fear, anger, worry. Lance, held in Shiro’s arms, unmoving, covered in bruises, and cuts. Surprise at Lance shooting Sendak, pride and finally being a part of a team.  _

_ More challenges, teasing remarks, that sense of warmth growing with each backward compliment. Turning around to find Lance, right there, at his side, then one day, gone. Anger and confusion mixing together. Both so strong, it felt like he was burning.  _

_ Then, Lance lit by the lights of Blue, a soft hesitant smile. Anger, as he listens to a friend being wronged, a bit of guilt shoved easily aside, for the sake of a friend. Then, a name for the warmth humming through him. Want, need, determination to fight, whatever was needed to give that warmth a chance. A want, need to hold on and not let go. _

Lance stared at Keith, much the same way he had stared at Shiro. Keith met the look, determined, still keeping his hold on Lance’s hand. For a long moment, no one moved, then Allura started to stand up only to pause as the screens all lit up again. 

_ The image was of Hunk. but the feeling was melancholy. Loneliness, it was like a weight crushing his shoulders every time he moved. There was a friend, big and strong, oh so kind. Too kind to treat him as he deserved. A blessing in a world of hate. Lance would do anything for him.  _

_ The image flickered, turning into Shiro. An idol, nothing like Lance. Kind, brave, honest. Someone to be proud of. Something to strive for. Willing to shake Lance’s hand, to support him. Determination, to be strong, and brave, to be someone great. Lance would do anything for him.  _

_ Keith was next. Uncertainty, a desire to prove himself. To be as strong, as certain as.. Confident. To be equals. Knowing it would never happen but wanting it just the same. A goal Lance could never reach. A desire to touch, to support, to care for. Lance would do anything for him.  _

_ Pidge, eyes bright behind their glasses. Too smart, collected. Always knowing what to do and how to do it. Brave, like Lance could never be, yet soft at times like a missing sister. Someone Lance was scared to touch too much. Lance would do anything for them.  _

_ Allura, with the mice scattered around her shoulders. Confident, beautiful, proud. Fighting for what she felt needed done. Giving sacrifice after sacrifice. Too good, too bright for Lance to reach. A star that guided them. Lance would do anything for her.  _

_ Coran was last. The feelings this time were so jumbled it was hard to understand any of them. Worry, fear, respect, pride and admiration. Strong shoulders carrying a weight that most would crumble under. Easily three times as smart as Lance. Kind to them all, quirky and proud to be himself. Lance would do anything for him.  _

When the screens finally faded. Lance was looking at the floor, his hands were buried in his pockets, but he made no move to leave the room. To the surprise of no one, Hunk moved first, catching both Keith and Lance into a tight hug, immediately followed by Coran. Pidge was next, launching themselves across the space to bury their head in Lance’s chest. Shiro and Allura finished off the hug, all of them keeping Lance held tightly between them all. 


	19. Finally Better Than Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe.. Maybe Lance is actually better than okay. Maybe.. just maybe. Lance has finally managed to reach good. 
> 
> Or, Some long overdue talks are hand. Lance is given some very precious gifts, things he never actually thought he could have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So @quiiznak, is an amazing individual, who is very supportive and had been checking over my chapters for me lately. SHE HELPED ME WITH THE PIDGE PART! Give her all the praise!!!! 
> 
> I think there is just one more chapter. And epilogue of sorts. It won't be very long, but I think it will make everyone happy, and wrap this story up nicely. Oh.. uh you all remember how I said it was a Slow burn... I should have said Glacial... I'm sorry? 
> 
> As always, I love to know what you all think.

Allura was the first to pull away, making a point to draw Lance with her. She kept her arm looped through his, and smiled at her team. Hunk was still hugging Keith and Pidge, and Coran was patting Shiro on the shoulder. “Now, I know that everyone wants to spend time with Lance right now, but I think that I owe him a long overdue conversation. So I will be stealing him away first.” She grinned then Keith scowled and Pidge struggled but she still swept out of the room with Lance at her side. Lance didn’t speak, but Allura wasn’t surprised. Instead she, adjusted their arms so that it was as if Lance was escorting her. 

“You don’t mind walking me to the control room, do you Lance? I really do feel that I should explain something to you.”

“I don’t mind?” 

“Excellent!” 

It was a short walk, and yet, Allura didn’t allow Lance to draw away after they arrived. Instead, she led him toward the center of the room, where she usually stood and spread out the star map, as she had so many times before. 

It was only then that she released his arm, turning to face him. “Lance.. I feel that I have been remiss in duty to you. I judged you unfairly, based only on the act you present, without bothering to look deeper.”

Lance immediately shook his head. “No.. You were right. I didn’t understand at first.. And I .. goofed off.” Allura wanted to interject but Lance was looking at her steadily, not ducking his head as he usually did when blaming himself. “I didn’t really get it, until we helped Shay..” Lance shrugged, eyes darting away from Allura. 

Allura smiled, but spread her arm to gesture to the room. “That may be, but at the very least, allow me to explain something. I am certain that you know, the Blue Lion is the most accepting, and given how strong your bond is, you also know how protective she is of her pilots.” She waited until Lance nodded, before continuing. “What you may not know, and I should have told you long ago, is that she, like all the other lions looks for a special trait, that not just anyone can have.” 

“... You mean… like you have to be… really smart to fly the Green Lion?” 

“Yes, exactly that.” Allura clasped her hands together.. “For the Blue Lion however… The Yellow Lion supports the team and holds them up, but the Blue Lion is different. Her pilot must be adaptable, because that pilot is the barrier between the team and anything that seeks them harm.”

“I...don’t understand…” 

“All those little things that you have done for us. Those things that we did not appreciate as we should have…” She paused and extended a hand. “No please, allow me to finish. Only you could have done those things. Because none of us would have even noticed that they were needed. You are our barrier Lance. You keep us from working too hard, becoming too run down. You adapt to each of our needs, and even when we neglected you, you protected us. It is that, that makes you so suited to the Blue Lion. That makes you essential to our team.”

Lance’s eyes were wide, and Allura was worried that despite the soft tone she used, he would still deny it. For a several ticks she watched him, before he shrugged. 

“I’m.. not really sure I believe it..” His head tilted a bit, and Allura bit back a smile. Her father had done the same thing when speaking to his lion, despite being a pilot for the Yellow Lion and not the Blue, and it only endeared this boy to her more to see it. “But.. I can.. try to..”

Allura clapped her hands. “Excellent. Now, let us talk about your bond with your lion!”

 

*********

 

Pidge was sitting in the floor outside the control room as Lance emerged. He looked… content; almost happy? He turned back towards the door to watch it whoosh closed and rubbed the back of his neck; a faint smile on his face.    
  
Pidge cleared their throat as to not startle Lance; he jumped as he wheeled around to face them.    
  
"Can we talk?" Pidge asked nervously.    
  
"Uh, of course." Lance looked around. "Here?" He gestured to the empty hallway.    
  
"We could... walk?"   
  
"Yeah, sounds good. Lead the way!"   
  
Lance fell in step slightly behind Pidge as they made their way down the hallway; he stayed silent as he watched Pidge wring their hands together as they walked.    
  
"Okay, so -" Pidge started as they turned to face Lance. "I wanted to thank you -"   
  
"Thank me? Why -?" Lance shut his mouth with an audible click   
  
"Let me finish - please. I wanted to thank you for all you've done for me - here and... at the Garrison."   
  
"The Garrison?" Lance questioned.    
  
Pidge adjusted their glasses. "Yeah - the Garrison. I don't think you realize how much you helped me there. You were my first actual friend there; the only person who genuinely tried to get to know me outside of the being the weird kid who got mad every time Iverson brought up the Kerberos mission. I know that I wasn't honest with you guys about myself and my identity but..." Pidge paused, looking slightly misty eyed.    
  
They took a deep breath and continued. "Even though I wasn't honest with you or Hunk, you still stuck around and even stuck up for me! Every time we failed the simulator and Iverson chewed us out, you took all the blame on your shoulders so Hunk and I wouldn't get reprimanded.    
  
"But I was your pilot; that was my responsibility -"   
  
Pidge gently shook their head, "No. It really wasn't. You went above and beyond what was expected of you, and for what? For me to constantly berate and push you away? What a shitty friend I was..." Pidge trailed off and sniffled; they were definitely trying to fight the inevitable tears.    
  
"I just - Lance. I don't think I'll ever be able to apologize for how I've treated you -"   
  
Lance cut them off with a wave of his hand. "Pidge, you've apologized more than enough. I just... honestly I was just trying to be a decent friend. I should be apologizing to you for being overbearing at times. I - oof."   
  
Lance was cut off as Pidge launched themselves into his arms.    
  
Their voice was muffled by his shirt. "You're never overbearing, and I'm sorry for making you feel like you were."   
  
There was no denying it now, the both of them were trying - and failing - to not cry in front of them other.    
  
Pidge was still clinging to him.    
  
"And another thing," they started. "I know Hunk gives the best hugs but I'm more than willing to lend a hand in the hug department - you know, if you'd want tha -"   
  
"I'd love that." Lance looked down and gave them a watery smile.    
  
They continued the embrace until Lance pulled back to look around. "Hey, when did we end up in your lab?"   
  
Pidge chuckled as they looked around, and shrugged. "I guess I should let you go, I'm sure everyone else wants to talk to you again too." They grabbed Lance's middle for another quick hug. "I mean it - whenever you want a hug or need someone to talk to - I'll be here for you. You're my family; my brother."   
  
Lance was taken aback, Pidge thought of him as family; he smiled at them one last time before turning to leave the lab.    
  


*********

 

Shiro latched onto Lance the moment he left Pidge’s lab. Lance had left the room with slightly wide eyes, and so Shiro had caught his arm and towed him along until they were in one of the little rooms that lined the halls. 

He settled Lance in a chair and crouched on the floor in front of it. “Lance? Are you alright?” 

“I’m okay…” Lance shook his head a couple of times. “I think?”

That was… new. Usually, Lance stated that he was okay with certainty. He had never once said it like this before. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Shiro remembered how Hunk had said it was important to ask Lance these things, to not just run over his choices. He’d had enough of those taken from him. 

Lance shook his head. “Not.. right now? I’d... rather talk about it with Blue first.. If that’s okay?” Lance looked extremely uncertain. 

“Of course that’s okay. But, I did want to ask you about what we discussed earlier. Do you still think you should keep that promise?” Shiro had cornered Keith after Allura had dragged Lance off, and had gotten a couple of things cleared up. Keith had been more than willing to mention Lance’s reluctance to train with them and how he didn’t think it was necessary anymore. But he also closed up really quickly whenever Shiro pressed to try and figure out why Keith was so concerned with Lance lately. All Keith would say was that he wanted to talk about it with Lance first. 

So Shiro would focus on what he could. Lance and his place on the team. 

“Honestly? Kind of..” Lance was talking kind of slow, like he was unsure of what he was saying. “I mean.. I know you said I don’t have to, but.. I really do think that if I distract everyone less, we’ll get more done… but.. Allura said…” 

Shiro waited but Lance didn’t seem like he was going to go on. “What did she say?” 

Lance’s hands came up and then disappeared into his jacket pockets. “She said.. That I do those things because it’s what you all need.. That it’s how I protect you. It was nice.. To hear that she thought I was important enough to be a barrier for you guys.. But.. I also know we can’t goof off anymore. We have to focus.” 

Well.. he wasn’t wrong… but he wasn’t exactly right either. Shiro needed to speak carefully here. “Well.. It’s true that we do need to focus, but Lance, I have never had to worry about you not being focused on a mission. You always take those seriously. Keith told me about how you acted when you were both on the Balmera, and yes, you’ve taken some risks and tried things that didn’t always work but the theory behind them was valid. That isn’t goofing off.” 

Lance shook his head. “That doesn’t change anything. I still mess up. I still distract everyone with bad jokes, flirting, look at that whole mess with Nyma! I wasn’t even serious about it and I still nearly lost Blue! Blue who is.. everything to me…” 

Shiro was thankful for his crouched position, it meant he could still see Lance’s face, even when he ducked his head. “But you learned from that, didn’t you? You would never risk Blue now.” 

“Never.” 

“You see. But, it is okay to still challenge Keith every now and then. It’s okay to want to relax with Hunk and Pidge, or even me. Coran would never turn you away, and Allura… she’s hard to get close to, but if anyone can out stubborn her it’s you Lance.”

Lance didn’t look convinced but he shrugged. “I’ll… think about it.” 

Well, that wasn’t the best answer but it was better than a full on refusal. Shiro shifted a bit, then foraged ahead. “What about training? How can I help you there?” 

Lance’s head tilted then, and Shiro waited. He’d confirmed his suspicion about Lance talking with Blue form Keith, and Shiro didn’t dare interrupt. 

“I think.. I should focus on my bayard and flying. Especially my flying.” For the first time since they had entered the room, Lance’s tone was firm. “I need to be a better pilot. I’m wasting your time, and the Princess’ time on trying to learn something I am simply not good at. While you all train against the gladiator, I should be running drills with Blue.” 

Shiro’s mouth fell open. Lance didn’t want to train with them at all anymore? “I don’t think that’s wise. We all need to know how to work together.” 

“I know. I’m not talking about team training Shiro. I mean individual training. Me screwing up at the same thing every day isn’t getting us anywhere. It makes everyone mad, and I need to work on things I actually can improve on.” Lance raised his head a bit, and met Shiro’s eyes. “I need to be flying all the time, I can work on my bayard after dinner.” 

Shiro was honestly at a loss. He’d told Lance they could discuss it all honestly, and he was getting exactly what he had wanted, but he really didn’t like it. He wanted them to be able to protect themselves in any situation. “Well… if you really want to focus more on your flying I can respect that, and I promise to talk to Allura about it.. But Lance.. What if I need to send you out with one of the others? I want you to be able to protect yourself and each other, no matter what kind of situation.” 

Lance hummed. “I know, but seriously, I never go on those kinds of missions. That’s for you and Keith. So, really I don’t see the point. But flying, we all have to do that. So I should focus on that.” 

“Actually, I have some missions I’m planning that I intend to send you on.” 

Lance’s head snapped up, his mouth slightly open in disbelief. “Why would you do that? You know I’m only going to mess them up!” 

Shiro shook his head. “I don’t think you will. I may not have been paying attention before, but I am now. I’ve seen you training with Keith, and with Hunk. With Keith’s sword skills and your shooting, you two are a very strong team. When it’s Keith and I we don’t have any kind of ranged skills. But with the improvements you and Hunk have made, we can split into two teams and get more things done faster. So here is my suggestion. Instead of working on your bayard after dinner. Come train with me. I’ll walk you through the more close range combat, and you can give me some tips for keeping Hunk calm. Then, we will try these new teams, if they don’t work, then you and I can go and we will let Keith and Hunk be a team. If that still doesn’t work, then we can sit down all of us and figure out why. If, it really is that you can’t get better then we can try it your way.” 

Lance didn’t look terribly happy, but he shrugged. “You’re the boss, Shiro. I don’t think it’ll work.. But I’ll try not to let you down again..” 

Shiro put his hand on Lance’s shoulder. “No, Lance. I will try not to let  _ you _ down again.” 

 

*********

 

Lance had only stopped in the kitchen to get goo before heading on to Blue, he hadn’t actually intended on finding anyone there. Dinner was not for a good couple of varga, and not even Hunk started cooking this early. But, there he was, mixing something in a bowl while Coran was… was that fur he was seasoning? Nope. Lance wanted no part of any of that. He turned, ready to slip away to his girl but, Coran’s ears were as sharp as ever. 

“Ah, my boy! Come in, come in! Number Four and I were just starting to make dinner!”

Busted. Lance threw up a smile, and wandered over. “Hey.. I don’t wanna interrupt. I’m just headed down to Blue and…”

“Nonsense!” Coran wiped his hands on some towel, it seemed he was picking up some of Hunk’s habits and slipped around the counter to draw Lance farther into the room. “You are no interruption!”

“That’s right, Lance.” Hunk looked up with a wide smile. “Ma always said dinner was better if you helped.” 

That make Lance laugh. Yes, Karen, who made everyone call her Ma, always did say that, but Lance never did more than set the table and beg for bites. “Dude! You know I never actually helped right? She just fed me bites and made me set the table!” 

Hunk waved a spoon at him. “You don’t argue with Ma, Lance.” 

Okay.. that was a very good point. “Fine fine, but she’s not here! So you two can do your thing and I’ll go spend some time with my favorite lady.” 

“I thought the Princess was your favorite?” 

Lance shook his head very quickly. “Blue is my favorite lady, followed by my mama, then Hunk’s mum and ma, in that order. The Princess is after them.” 

Coran nodded, moving back to his own work. “Ah, you are indeed blessed with many great ladies in your family then yes?” 

Lance froze a little, smiling slipping but he ducked his head to cover it. “Ah.. well…”

“Yup.” Hunk added something orange and vaguely celery like to his dish. “His mama is pretty cool. She’s like the sweetest lady ever.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong… but..

“And my ma and mum are great. Ma especially loves Lance. She’s going to be just as happy to see him as she is me.” Hunk laughed while Coran beamed. 

That.. couldn’t be. No. Hunk’s moms were great, and they’d always been good to Lance but they couldn’t be as happy to see him as they would Hunk.. right? But.. Coran and Allura.. and everyone seemed so sure that he wasn’t to blame.. maybe.. That was why they had taken him in. Did Lance really already have a family again, and he hadn’t realised it?

“Lance? My boy is something wrong?” Coran set down his bowl, concern etched on his face. 

“I just... didn’t realize that Hunk’s moms, thought of me as theirs.. I thought… they were just too nice to let me live in a shelter…” 

“Oh Lance.” Hunk was around the counter and hugging Lance before Lance could even look up. 

“Excuse me but what is a shelter? Like a dwelling yes?” 

Lance wiggled enough so that he could climb up Hunk, propping his head on his friend’s shoulder. “A lot of different things are called shelters. Yeah.. most them are building, for protection from storms, or various other things.”

Hunk settled Lance closer and picked up the explanation. “But Lance is talking about a special kind of shelter. We call it a homeless shelter. It’s a place for people to stay that cannot afford or are not allowed to live anywhere else.” 

Coran shook his head. “We had no such places on Altea. Everyone was entitled to a home.” 

“Altea sounds nice…” Sometimes, it sounded nicer than Earth, but Lance still missed it. He missed a lot of things, but it was fine, he was used to that. 

“Well.” Coran stepped closer, and leaned forward, face close to Lance’s. “I may have to discuss with Hunk’s mother’s about allowing you to say with me as well.” 

Lance’s mouth dropped open. Coran actually wanted Lance… to stay with him? But, Coran had Allura, what did he really need Lance for? 

“I dunno Coran.. My moms are pretty tough.” Hunk was smiling, and he set Lance down, keeping one hand on his shoulder. “They might not let you keep him.”

Lance was now gaping at Hunk. “What.. but..” 

Coran stroked his mustache, looking thoughtful. “I do not wish for them to never see him. I would never take my boy from his family. But, I told him earlier that I would be honored to be a part of it. I intend to make that clear to his mothers.” 

Lance squirmed out of Hunk’s grip and sank into a chair. First, they all show him these great and wonderful things that he can hardly believe, but HAD to be true because thoughts didn’t lie. Then Allura tell him all about how he protects the team, and how his bond with Blue is as strong as the previous paladin’s bonds… and Lance was happy with that. Then Pidge… insisting he had been a good friend and a protector, and hugging him, offering more in the future… Then Shiro. Shiro who swore that Lance didn’t HAVE to stop training with them, that Lance wasn’t holding them back, even told Lance he had some special missions lined up just for him. Now this? Lance just couldn’t wrap his mind around it. 

He didn’t see Coran looking pleased or Hunk’s smile. He did notice however when they both wrapped their arms around him and started discussing Coran joining them for family dinners, if they stopped on Earth. It looked like Lance had gotten a couple of those things he had told Keith he couldn’t have… Maybe…

Maybe just this once… he could reach for more. Just this one time...

 

*********

 

There was something about seeing Lance, sitting on the nose of his lion, high in the air that settled him somehow. Lance was leaning back a bit, both hands flat against the metal of his lion, legs dangling. It was a relaxed pose and Keith was happy to see Lance that way. He’d seen far too much of him trying to make himself small and unnoticeable. That was not how Lance was. Lance was too expressive. 

Keith walked slowly, not really wanting to disturb Lance if he was talking to Blue, but he’d waited long enough. He’d let everyone else talk to Lance already and it was finally his turn. He wanted to ask Lance if he would give Keith a chance. A chance to see exactly where things could go between them. He paused, a little unsure, but he got a strong nudge in the back of his mind and a strong feeling of encouragement. It was the strongest feeling he had ever gotten from Red before. So, he clenched his hands and kept going. 

He was only halfway across the hangar when Blue’s head turned, Lance not even seeming bothered by the sudden movement. Her eyes flashed, just once, then she went still. But that left Keith looking up, able to see Lance fairly clearly. Lance, who hadn’t moved, or really acknowledged Keith at all. 

“Hey… can I come up?” 

Lance tilted his head down, and shook his head. “Nah… I’ll come down.” He ducked out of sight. 

Keith stood there awkwardly, but determined to lay it all out there and let Lance decide what he wanted to do. Hunk was right, they needed to let Lance decide things more, but Keith was going to do everything he could to make Lance see, Keith had meant what he’d said before. 

When Lance reappeared, walking out of Blue’s mouth with his hands buried in his pockets, Keith met him at the end of the ramp. Lance still didn’t speak but he dropped down, settling comfortably at the base of the ramp, so Keith joined him. 

The hangar was oddly silent, and Keith had the feeling of being closely watched. He wasn’t sure if it was Blue or Red, but it was unnerving. “Is Blue.. watching us?” 

Lance shrugged. “They all are. Well except for Black.” 

“You can tell?” Keith had only ever felt Red, except for when he had talked with Lance in Blue. 

“Green and Yellow have been watching me for a while. Blue says it’s because Hunk and Pidge were worried.” Lance shrugged, eyes fixed on his shoes. 

That made sense, but it was still impressive that Lance had been able to tell. As nice as this talk was, it wasn’t really the talk he  _ wanted _ to have. “Are you… feeling better?” Keith refused to use the word ‘okay’ That word was not an acceptable choice for Lance. Not anymore. 

“I think…” Lance raised his head, looking up at Blue’s head. “I think I may be good… but I’m not sure..” 

Good? Keith hadn’t heard Lance say that yet. That was much better than okay! “That’s great, Lance!” Keith honestly meant it. It wasn’t happy, but they could work on getting there. 

Lance smiled, but it was small. “Yeah.. I uh.. Found out some things... and.. I think I may have gotten a couple of those things that you said was okay to want.” 

Oh? That was interesting. He shifted just a bit closer. “I didn’t tell anyone about it.” 

“I know.. You promised after all.” Lance looked down at his lap. “Did you know, Coran is going to tell Hunk’s moms that he wants me to stay with him sometimes? He wants to be part of my family...and I didn’t even realize I had one…” Lance laughed, but it was weak, nothing like his real laugh. 

Keith honestly wasn’t surprised. He was willing to bet that when they did get back to Earth, all kinds of people would crawl out to claim Lance as theirs. “Of course you do. Not just them, but all of us here.” 

“Hmm.. maybe.. But..it made me think.. If you guys really don’t blame me for… what happened.. then.. Maybe I could try for some of those other wants.” 

Keith froze, then nodded. He was sure he looked like an idiot, with his eyes on Lance and heart beating like he’d just gone four rounds with a level six gladiator. “Like.. which ones?” 

Finally, Lance turned to look at Keith, and Keith was convinced his heart stopped. He could feel Red laughing at him, and he honestly didn’t care. Lance was looking at him, and they were close enough that Keith could easily reach out, grab his hand, or scoot closer, and let Lance lean on his shoulder. 

“Well..” Lance looked back up to Blue and then at his hands, which were fidgeting together in his lap. “I uh. No.. nevermind.” Lance ducked his head back down. 

Nope, not happening. Keith’s hand darted at and latched onto Lance’s. For a second, he stared at the traitorous thing before looking back at Lance’s face. “Lance, before Red laughs at me so hard, he falls over, I want to say something. I didn’t realize it before all of this, before you backed away but I like you. I like you as you are. I like your challenges, even when I complain about them. I like that we’re equals, and that you aren’t just nice to me because I can fly well. I..” He dropped his eyes to their hands, his turned tightly around Lance’s. “I don’t like it when you say you’re okay, because I want you happy. I don’t like it when you duck your head, or hide from us. I.. I really didn’t like it when you jerked away from me earlier.” 

Lance was staring, right at him, his cheeks red, and his mouth slightly open. Keith felt his own face redden but carried on anyway. 

“I want you to tell me bad jokes, and keep doing it even if I groan at them. I want to hold your hand while we eat… and.. bicker when we train. I want you to teach me how to bond better with Red, and I want to help you with your training. I..want to go home with you… and meet your family…” Keith paused, then blurted the last bit out before he could overthink it. “I want to be part of your family.. Because…”

“You know, I kinda love you right?” 

Keith blinked. Lance was still red in the face, but his smile was a little wider, and he was actually gripping Keith’s hand back. “I uh…” 

“I’ve… had a thing for you for years. That was why I kept coming up with the challenges.. But.. I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same, so I tried so hard to make it seem like I didn’t because.. It maybe wouldn’t hurt so much….” 

Keith didn’t know what to say, it felt very fragile, and Keith wasn’t very good with fragile things. But, he wasn’t about to let go either. “I may not have realized it… but I.. think I was the same. I mean..” 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to…” 

“No Lance!” Keith held on a little tighter, and leaned a little closer. “Pidge is right, I’m bad with words, but … I want to make you happy. I want.. To be the reason you are happy.” 

Lance bit his lip, and Keith raised his free hand, and with more care than he thought he was capable of, worked that lip free. “Stop that. You don’t have to do that anymore. Don’t.. Hide from me, anymore.” 

“I..I..I’m not sure if I can do that…” Lance admitted. His voice was low and Keith unconsciously dropped his to match. 

“We’ll work on it.” Keith shifted just a bit closer and pulled so that Lance was leaning against him. “We’ve got time.” 

Lance was stiff for a moment before he finally relaxed a bit, leaning his head on Keith’s shoulder. Both Blue and Red let out purrs and Keith felt right, in a way he hadn’t felt for a long time. Feeling bold and encouraged by Lance's own movements, he turned slightly, a pressed a kiss on Lance's cheek. 

“Yeah.. I guess we do..” 


End file.
